Explore a collection of the most beloved and motivational quotes and sayings about Monty. Share these powerful messages with your loved ones on social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, or on your personal blog, and inspire the world with their wisdom. We've compiled the Top 100 Monty Quotes and Sayings from 92 influential authors, including Shelly Laurenston,John Cleese,Jim C. Hines,Lewis Carroll,John Grisham, for you to enjoy and share.

Brendon wasn't exactly surprised to find Mitch sitting by the lake at three in the morning, staring out over the still water. Of course, he would have much preferred if he wasn't sitting with a crocodile next to him. It was one thing to enjoy a predatory game of tug with him, but it was another to treat him like the family's pet dog. By Shelly Laurenston Mitch Brendon Morning Staring Water

We left the Bentley and Tim at a garage, and Alan and I travelled back to Brussels to hire a much less magnificent vehicle. When we picked Tim up the next morning, he told us that he'd spent the night in his room with a 'bird'. Intrigued, we questioned him closely, and learned that he had been woken in the middle of the night by a strange, rather alarming noise and that when he had put the light on he had discovered a turkey vomiting on the mantelpiece. He'd thought of complaining but found that his phrase book did not cover this contingency. By John Cleese Tim Bentley Alan Brussels Garage

Jeff [the werewolf] cocked his head and stared at me like I had just turned into a were-rabbit. Admittedly, this was a tremendous improvement over wanting to tear me limb from limb. Well, shave my ass and call me a poodle. How the hell did you manage that? By Jim C. Hines Jeff Werewolf Cocked Wererabbit Head

Call it what you like,' said the Cat. 'Do you play croquet with the Queen to-day?' 'I should like it very much,' said Alice, 'but I haven't been invited yet.' 'You'll see me there,' said the Cat, and vanished. By Lewis Carroll Cat Call Queen Alice Today

Monday morning, as Wally By John Grisham Wally Monday Morning

This man is the bee's knees, Arthur, he is the wasp's nipples. He is, I would go so far as to say, the entire set of erogenous zones of every major flying insect of the Western world. By Douglas Adams Arthur Knees Nipples Man Bee

Lew? Not that I don't appreciate it, but it By Nora Roberts Lew

closed behind Anne By L.m. Montgomery Anne Closed

I just got called Nigel ... By Elijah Wood Nigel Called

The squealing little arse-gerbil. By Tana French Arsegerbil Squealing

Who are you? Rabbit and Souris call you 'Alice,' me and Dee call you 'Faye.' I just didn't know if 'Alice' was your poker-playing, Southern Hemisphere name or what. Hey, I'm just trying to fit in here. If I should be introducing myself as 'Clark,' I want to know about it sooner rather than later so I don't embarrass myself. By Elle Lothlorien Alice Faye Call Souris Dee

Quentin Sollys: the Once and Future King of Spiders. By Seanan Mcguire Sollys Spiders Future King Quentin

Where on earth have you got to, man?" "In here," Alfred replied from the sanctuary of the foliage. "I think I've found it. Yes, there it is. Bloody good luck. I thank you for your help, Seton. You need not detain yourselves further." "At least join us for a late supper, Weston," Lord Seton pressed, peering into the By Michelle Mcmaster Man Alfred Earth Seton Weston

Lives the man that can figure a naked Duke of Windlestraw addressing a naked House of Lords? By Thomas Carlyle Lords Duke Windlestraw House Naked

Bill Door found a piece of chalk in the farm's old smithy, located a piece of board among the debris, and wrote very carefully for some time. Then he wedged the board in front of the henhouse and pointed Cyril toward it.THIS YOU WILL READ, he said.Cyril peered myopically at the "Cock-A Doodle-Doo" in heavy gothic script. Somewhere in his tiny mad chicken mind a very distinct and chilly understanding formed that he'd better learn to read very, very quickly. By Terry Pratchett Piece Door Bill Smithy Located

You little prick. It's a whelk ... it's a ... it's a ... dead whelk! By St John Morris Prick Whelk Dead

Hissy, hissy, little snakey, Slither on the floor, You be good to Morfin Or he'll nail you to the door. By J.k. Rowling Hissy Slither Morfin Snakey Floor

like a prancing horse, shouting at Richard By Tony Lewis Richard Horse Shouting Prancing

Kingsley got up, and as he did so, he flashed me the goods. Whether he meant to or not, I don't know ... but holy sweet Jesus. Did I really just see that? My God, how did he walk around with that thing? Kingsley, defense attorney, werewolf - and now, apparently, pervert - sat next to me and gave no indication that he had just given me the mother of all peep shows. "I'm going to let you in on a little secret," he said, and knocked back the rest of his wine like it was booze-flavored Kool-Aide. "It's not a secret," I said. "And it ain't little." "Excuse me?" "Never mind." But I caught the smallest of shit-eating grins on his face. "Go on," I said, shaking my head. "And this time try to keep the robe closed. By J.r. Rain Goods Flashed Kingsley Secret Jesus

Shirley! Don't call me Shirley! By Leslie Nielsen Shirley Call

Thank you for tearing Tim into small Tim bits. By Patricia Briggs Tim Bits Tearing Small

What's your name and game.(Stephen King The Tommy Knockers) By Deyth Banger Stephen Knockers King Tommy Game

I shall call him Tufty. By Steven Erikson Tufty Call

As a final test, I tried to look Arthur in the eyes. But no, this time-honoured process didn't work. Here were no windows to the soul. They were merely part of his face, light-blue jellies, like naked shell-fish in the cervices of a rock. There was nothing to hold the attention; no sparkle, no inward gleam. Try as I would, my glance wandered way to more interesting features; the soft, snout-like nose, the concertina chin. After three or four attempts, I gave it up. It was no good. There was nothing for it but to take Arthur at his word. By Christopher Isherwood Test Eyes Final Arthur Work

I am sir an Oracle,And when I ope my lips, let no dogge barke. By William Shakespeare Lips Barke Sir Oracleand Ope

Mr Henry Gowan and the dog were established frequenters of the cottage, and the day was fixed for the wedding. There was to be a convocation of Barnacles on the occasion, in order that that very high and very large family might shed as much lustre on the marriage as so dim an event was capable of receiving. To have got the whole Barnacle By Charles Dickens Henry Gowan Cottage Wedding Dog

I'm a frosted lemon coward By Tegan Quin Coward Frosted Lemon

And with a massive roar the fifth wall comes down and the house of fiction falls, taking Viola and Sunny and Bertie with it. They melt into thin air and disappear. Pouf! By Kate Atkinson Viola Sunny Bertie Falls Taking

On the other side of St John's house is a fake egg timer who can't maintain an erection. He shares the property with a glossy beef burger called Tom, who has been painted by a seven year old magistrate in order to be entered for this year's Miss East Lancashire competition. Next door to them is a Dundee cake with a lisp. By St John Morris John Erection Side House Fake

(a specially oily old gentleman in a blanket, with a swan's-down tippet for a beard, and a web of cracks all over him like rich pie-crust), By Charles Dickens Blanket Tippet Beard Piecrust Specially

I ran this through my "girl talk" translator and said, "I could eat him, if either of you'd like. Seems like it might be the easiest thing to do."-Bram to Nora & Pamela By Lia Habel Pamela Girl Talk Translator Bram

Jacques wants a pancake shaped like Mozart's Symphony No. 40! In G minor! By Michelle Cuevas Mozart Symphony Jacques Pancake Shaped

Combray, we used often to invite him to our house. By Marcel Proust Combray House Invite

Fear was keeping this loon going, as he was scrambling under the tables in this packed club, it was as if he was in a Carry On film and trying to hide from me. As the bouncers arrived, I was putting the boot in to the plonker without much success. He was like a bumblebee on speed! By Stephen Richards Carry Fear Club Keeping Loon

What is your name?" asked Lear.Caius," said Kent.And whence do you hail?"From Bonking, sire."Well, yes, lad, as do we all," said Lear, "but from what town? By Christopher Moore Sire Lad Bonking Lear Asked

Actually, Herbert-Miller. But call me Grace. Come in, please. By Clive Cussler Herbertmiller Grace Call

BLAIRE: ......Night, Chaos.GENTRY: Night, Trouble..... By T.s. Joyce Night Blaire Trouble Chaosgentry

What the hell was that?" he hissed at Montgomery. "A question." The duke reached for another piece of toast. "Did you mean to alert him to our investigation on purpose?" Apollo growled. "Yes and no." Montgomery shrugged. "I'm bored. Nothing's happening. Sometimes it's best to send the fox into the chicken house to see if a snake slithers out. By Elizabeth Hoyt Hell Hissed Montgomery Question Toast

What do you think he looks like - when he's a werewolf? I gotta tell you, that Winkler dude scared the heck out of me." Winkler had become a huge, solid black wolf with gleaming golden eyes."He wouldn't have growled if Philip hadn't tried to touch him," Bryce pointed out."Philip's an ass.""A general consensus," Bryce sighed. "I don't know that there's any hope for him. Can you see him working at Easy-Stop someday?"It started as a snicker, but soon Keith was lying on his side and laughing uncontrollably. He could easily see Philip snapping rudely at the customers of a self-serve gas station and convenience store. By Connie Suttle Bryce Philip Werewolf Winkler Keith

Now that I think about it, maybe he is a werewolf. I can picture him lunging over the moors in hot pursuit of his prey, and I'm certain that he wouldn't think twice about eating an innocent bystander. I'll watch him closely at the next full moon. He's asked me to go dancing tomorrowperhaps I should wear a high collar. Oh, that's vampires, isn't it? I think I am a little giddy. (After meeting Mr. Markham V. Reynolds, Jr.) By Mary Ann Shaffer Werewolf Prey Bystander Reynolds Picture

You beat your Pate, and fancy Wit will come: Knock as you please, there's no body at home. By Alexander Pope Pate Knock Wit Home Beat

The doorbell rang, and I assumed it was Fran and Roger having come back becausethey had forgotten something. I took my time, lacing my boots, and the buzzer became more impatient."I'm coming, shithead!" I yelled. Yes, I should have known better. For of course, it was not Roger or Fran. I threw open the door to find Declan Tyler standing there, looking half-insulted and half-amused."Got a pet name for me already?" he asked. By Sean Kennedy Rang Fran Roger Doorbell Assumed

Here." Sam came over, stripped down to his boxers. "Hunch forward and put your head down."Robin looked at him. "My safe word is monkey. By Suzanne Brockmann Hunch Robin Sam Stripped Boxers

Shut the door, Wales. By Beau Brummell Wales Shut Door

Three hard, loud bangs, followed by a bellow of "Open this door!" had her jumping in the next second, startled."What the hell?" Spade muttered, letting her go to fling the door open with a scowl.Ian stood on the other side."What is wrong with you, banging on like that?" Spade demanded.Ian cast a wicked look at Spade, who wore only his shirt, and then one at Denise as she hastily closed her robe."Paybacks," Ian said succinctly. Then he walked away, whistling. By Jeaniene Frost Startled Open Spade Hard Loud

Gilly Gilleshpee By Victoria Laurie Gilleshpee Gilly

Belgian stranger - all By Agatha Christie Belgian Stranger

Okay, Trent. Pop my cherry. By Jamie Mcguire Trent Pop Cherry

Six biscuits, crow, hydrant! By Jason A. Myers Crow Hydrant Biscuits

Matthew Watkins: I need an afternoon pick-me-up. I accept cash and/or prizes that can be exchanged for cash. Also, hobbits. By Jessica Park Watkins Matthew Afternoon Cash Hobbits

Kristy: Going to introduce us?Evelyn: No. Jason's a dick.Philip: Jason, huh?Evelyn: Jason, meet Kristy and Chantelle. Vice versa. And this is Philip. Philip, Jason has just moved to the area. Feel free to treat him just like the new kid he is. Take his money, push him around. Go hard. By Rachel Hera Evelyn Kristy Chantelle Jason Huh

Peaseblossom-decorous, proper Peaseblossom-dropped her trousers to waggle her naked, pale bottom at the Stage Manager. Bertie laughed involuntarily, choked on her coffee, and nearly died as it came out her nose, but it was worth the searing pain in her nostrils to see the look on the Stage Manager's face. By Lisa Mantchev Stage Manager Peaseblossomdropped Peaseblossomdecorous Proper

What should we call him?" Klaus asked. "You should call him Dr. Montgomery," Mr. Poe replied, "unless he tells you to call him Montgomery. Both his first and last names are Montgomery, so it doesn't make much difference.""His name is Montgomery Montgomery?" Klaus said, smiling."Yes, and I'm sure he's very sensitive about that, so don't ridicule him," Mr. Poe said, coughing again into his handkerchief. By Lemony Snicket Montgomery Call Poe Klaus Asked

You're next. It's the next thing. Next stop Kilburn Station. The doors fold inwards, urban insect closing its wings. By Zadie Smith Station Kilburn Thing Urban Wings

(door slams open at 2:30am)"Guess who's DRUAAAHUUUNK!" said Wilson. "I guess Wilson, now get out," moaned Scott By Bryan Lee O'malley Druaaahuuunk Wilson Door Guess Scott

Uncle Monty smiled at the orphans. 'That's quite all right,' he said. 'Questions show an inquisitive mind. By Lemony Snicket Monty Uncle Orphans Questions Smiled

Fancy your having no sunshine in London yesterday! Here it was glorious, like full summer, and I sat up with the window wide open, listening to the discourse of two amorous thrushes. By Marie Corelli London Fancy Yesterday Sunshine Glorious

P33- the son of an english lord and an english lady nursed at the breast of kala, the great ape. By Edgar Rice Burroughs English Kala Ape Son Lord

A letter today from a Mrs Gladys Freeman, 45 Sebastopol Terrace, Blackpool. 'Sir, reference the room you had here during the party conference season. Well, we know what it is. We know who done it. But for heaven's sake tell us where it is! By Tony Benn Blackpool Freeman Sebastopol Terrace Mrs

A face at the window, a tap on the pane, who is it that wants me tonight in the rain? By Richard Henry Stoddard Window Pane Rain Face Tap

Thorne looked to the woolly beast at his [Bram's] knee and and cocked a brow. "You seem to have acquired a lamb, my lord.""The lamb goes home tomorrow.""And if he doesn't?""He's dinner. By Tessa Dare Bram Thorne Knee Brow Looked

Nature forgot to shade him off, I think ... A little too boisterouslike the sea. A little toovehementlike a bull who has made up his mind to consider everycolour scarlet. But I grant a sledge-hammering sort of merit in him! By Charles Dickens Nature Forgot Shade Sea Boisterouslike

His laugh is made of porch swings and lemonade. By Augusten Burroughs Lemonade Laugh Made Porch Swings

Doncaster will hit Villa with fire and broomstick. By John Gregory Villa Doncaster Broomstick Hit Fire

Ah,yes!That ... Silvertongue!" Orpheus spoke the name in a disparaging tone, as if he couldn't believe that anyone really deserved it.Yes, that's what he's called. How do you know?" There was no mistaking Dustfinger's surprise. The hellhound snuffled at Farid's bare toes. Orpheus shrugged. "Sooner or later you get to hear of everyone who can breate life into letters on a page. By Cornelia Funke Ahyes Orpheus Silvertongue Sooner Dustfinger

Harold Brodie is a louse and a lothario who cheats at cards and has a different girl in his rumble seat every week. That coupe of his is pos-i-tute-ly a petting palace. And he's a terrible kisser to boot." Evie's parents stared in stunned silence. "Or so I've heard. By Libba Bray Brodie Harold Week Louse Lothario

Sunshine, the old clown, rims the room. By John Updike Sunshine Clown Rims Room

Does he have a nickname?' Diana went on remorselessly. 'I mean, 'gaiphage' is so long. Can we call him phage? Or maybe just 'G'? By Michael Grant Nickname Gaiphage Diana Remorselessly Long

He was a dark and stormy knight. A latter-day rake with eyes the color of emeralds worth a queen's ransom. His smile promised voyages to the moon. And heaven alone knew how many females lay littered in his wake.To a rousing burst of Rachmaninoff, he swept into my London flat one January evening and, with the hauteur of his greeting, captured my virgin heart forever and a day.'Miss Ellie Simons? My car awaits. Shall we splurge on dinner or parking tickets? By Dorothy Cannell Knight Dark Stormy Rachmaninoff Miss

All that St. Kilda's gloss, that walk through old oak doors like you belong, effortless: I wanted that. I wanted to lick it off my banged-up fists along with my enemy's blood. This By Tana French Effortless Kilda Gloss Belong Wanted

You see, I had decided - rightly or wrongly - to grow a moustache, and this had cut Jeeves to the quick. He couldn't stick the thing at any price, and I had been living ever since in an atmosphere of bally disapproval till I was getting jolly well fed up with it. What I mean is, while there's no doubt that in certain matters of dress Jeeves's judgment is absolutely sound and should be followed, it seemed to me that it was getting a bit too thick if he was going to edit my face as well as my costume. No one can call me an unreasonable chappie, and many's the time I've given in like a lamb when Jeeves has voted against one of my pet suits or ties; but when it comes to a valet's staking out a claim on your upper lip you've simply got to have a bit of the good old bulldog pluck and defy the blighter. By P.g. Wodehouse Jeeves Decided Rightly Wrongly Moustache

Dick is playing golf today. He asked if I would caddie for him, but I said I would prefer to have a complete stranger walk up and drill holes in my head with a Black & Decker. By Gillibran Brown Dick Today Decker Playing Golf

Lick David Tennant's face. By Jenny Lawson David Tennant Lick Face

You was talkin' out of yer head last night, too," chortles Davy. "No one's gonna fancy me. I'm gonna be ugly and no on'es gonna fancyme!" he mimics, mincing about the hammock. "You are such a rum cove, Jacky, for thinkin' such things when yer just about beat t' death! Fancy me? Fancy me? Jacky, no one's gonna fancy us, we're all gonna end up lookin' like Snag!""Which is how a salty dog sailor's supposed to look," says Willy with a firm nod. "And you're halfway there, Jack-o!" crows Tink.Ah, the sweet comfort of friends. By L.a. Meyer Davy Gonna Fancy Jacky Talkin

Oh, there you are. I was afraid you had gone off to your stoats again. The carrier has brought you an ape.' 'What sort of an ape?' asked Stephen. 'A damned ill-conditioned sort of an ape. By Patrick O'brian Ape Sort Stephen Afraid Stoats

Colchester, Ash, my captain, staking my body with his cock like a conqueror, like a king. By Sierra Simone Ash Colchester Captain Staking Conqueror

Mr. Montgomery pushes the envelope. It's everything we shouldn't do, yet, he makes us want to, anyway. By Nadlee Thims Montgomery Envelope Pushes Makes

Stephen Tennant is the most sparkling talker who ever comes to my house, and perhaps the most amusing. He dances like the will-o'-the-wisp where other people stick in the mud. Though his really kindred spirits are the most exotic people he can find, he also greatly enjoys a talk with some extremely commonplace person, when he pretends that he thinks they mean something which they never thought of in their lives. He can be by turns poetic, malicious, and nonsensical. His talk is very pictorial and he handles words as if they were pait on a brush. When Stephen is alone with one friend he is often drawn to speak of very grave and profound subjects, and then he becomes unhappy, for he is never sure about what he loves and believes in, and would like to love and believe in so much. By Edith Olivier Tennant House Amusing Sparkling Talker

Joe Spork opens the door. The man departs. Joe turns to Polly to say something about how they're obviously not going to Portsmouth, and finds an oyster knife balanced on his cheek, just under his eye."Can we be very clear," Polly Cradle murmurs, "that I am not your booby sidekick or your Bond girl? That I am an independent supervillain in my own right?"Joe swallows. "Yes, we can," he says carefully."There will therefore be no more 'Say hello, Polly'?""There will not. By Nick Harkaway Spork Joe Polly Door Opens

King Offa's dyke, By John B. Hattendorf Offa King Dyke

Bertie, do you read Tennyson?""Not if I can help. By P.g. Wodehouse Bertie Tennyson Read

Young Reggie Foljambe to my certain knowledge offered him double what I was giving him, and Alistair Bingham-Reeves, who's got a valet who had been known to press his trousers sideways, used to look at him, when he came to see me, with a kind of glittering, hungry eye which disturbed me deucedly. Bally pirates! By P.g. Wodehouse Reggie Foljambe Alistair Young Binghamreeves

Trevor, let's go upstairs and take a really hot bath with extra bubbles so that my skin gets all sudsy and slippery so you can run your incredibly gifted naughty hands over me while we see how many times you can make me come before the water gets cold By R.l. Mathewson Trevor Cold Upstairs Hot Bath

Eeyore", said Owl, "Christopher Robin is giving a party.""Very interesting," said Eeyore. "I suppose they will be sending me down the odd bits which got trodden on. Kind and Thoughtful. Not at all, don't mention it.""There is an Invitation for you.""What's that like?""An Invitation!""Yes, I heard you. Who dropped it?""This isn't something to eat, it's asking you to the party. To-morrow."Eeyore shook his head slowly."You mean Piglet. The little fellow with the exited ears. That's Piglet. I'll tell him.""No, no!" said Owl, getting quite fussy. "It's you!""Are you sure?""Of course I'm sure. Christopher Robin said 'All of them! Tell all of them'""All of them, except Eeyore?""All of them," said Owl sulkily."Ah!" said Eeyore. "A mistake, no doubt, but still, I shall come. Only don't blame me when it rains. By A.a. Milne Eeyore Owl Invitation Piglet Christopher

Joe Spork opens the door. The man departs. Joe turns to Polly to say something about how they're obviously not going to Portsmouth, and finds an oyster knife balanced on his cheek, just under his eye.br />br />"Can we be very clear," Polly Cradle murmurs, "that I am not your booby sidekick or your Bond girl? That I am an independent supervillain in my own right?"br />br />Joe swallows. "Yes, we can," he says carefully.br />br />"There will therefore be no more 'Say hello, Polly'?"br />br />"There will not. By Nick Harkaway Spork Joe Polly Door Opens

Cecil Jacobs is a big wet hen! By Harper Lee Jacobs Cecil Hen Big Wet

I stopped thinking and watched in horror as Tex banged the portafilter on top of the espresso machine. Monty hit a button and was drowned out by Tex's voice shouting, "Fucking steam! Give me some more fucking steam, you monster!" Which was followed by Duke shouting, "It only gives as much steam as it gives, man!"Wonderful. By Kristen Ashely Tex Machine Fucking Steam Shouting

He ... " Richard began. "The marquis. Well, you know, to be honest, he seems a little bit dodgy to me."Door stopped. The steps dead-ended in a rough brick wall. "Mm," she agreed. "He's a little bit dodgy in the same way that rats are a little bit covered in fur. By Neil Gaiman Bit Richard Dodgy Door Began

You silly Arthur! If you knew anything about ... anything, which you don't, you would know that I adore you. Everyone in London knows it except you. It is a public scandal the way I adore you. I have been going about for the last six months telling the whole of society that I adore you. I wonder you consent to have anything to say to me. I have no character left at all. At least, I feel so happy that I am quite sure I have no character left at all. By Oscar Wilde Arthur Adore Silly Character Left

He said to tell you that he has me and Sophie. He's going to kill us if you don't do what he says. He's also a giant fucking pussy, and I think when you catch him, you should let me cut out his balls with a dull spoon before shooting him in the head. By Joanna Wylde Sophie Kill Pussy Head Giant

Good King Wenceslas tastes great; We might as well eat Stephen, When the brains lay round about, Toasted crisp and bleedin'. Brightly shown the moon that night, Though the virus cruel. When a poor man came in sight, He made fine undead fuel. By Michael P. Spradlin Stephen Toasted King Wenceslas Good

He was the sort of languid and elegant young man one would expect to find at a country house party, playing croquet with Bertie Wooster. Frightfully good fun, but not too many brains. By Rhys Bowen Wooster Bertie Party Playing Sort

Lady Anne sighed and whispered to Penelope, My brother stands guard over me like a sphinx or a fiery dragon. Only men with courage are allowed to make way to my side, and unfortunately England is full of chicken-hearted nitwits. By Anya Wylde Penelope Anne Lady Dragon Sighed

She strode up some steps and banged on the door. "Now you play nice or I'll put you in the dog house."(Alannah)"Woof."(Christopher Beckett) By Dana Marie Bell Alannah Woof Door Christopher Beckett

Hi my name is Brian, but uh, you can call me 'B-Rok'. Cuz, I be rockin' your house! By Brian Littrell Brok Brian Cuz Call Rockin

What a still, hot, perfect day! What a golden desert this spreading moor! Everywhere sunshine. I wished I could live in it and on it. I saw a lizard run over the crag; I saw a bee busy among the sweet bilberries. I would fain at the moment have become bee or lizard, that I might have found fitting nutriment, permanent shelter here. But I was a human being, and had a human being's wants. By Charlotte Bronte Hot Perfect Day Human Lizard

In a world divided by chimpophiles and bonobophiles, we all had a good laugh when Stephen peeled his banana. (62) By Frans De Waal Stephen Bonobophiles Banana World Divided

To ... to ... What the heck to call a duke who 'comes a monk?" "Brother?" Colin ventured. Will shook his head. "A bit too familiar. How 'bout BrotherYourGrace?" "Got it," Colin exclaimed. "Your Celibacy. Get it? Your Celibacy. By Patricia Coughlin Celibacy Colin Brother Monk Ventured

He awoke to his alarm the morning of the hunt at four thirty. It was the first time since arriving in Gutshot that he'd beaten the rooster to waking. Immediately, he opened his bedroom window, pressed his face up against the screen, and shouted, COCK-A-DOODLE DOO! HOW DO YOU LIKE IT FROM THE OTHER END, YOU LITTLE FUGGER? By John Green Thirty Awoke Alarm Morning Hunt

Teacher: "Amy, what do you call the outside of a tree?" Student: "No idea, Miss Smith." Teacher: "Bark, Amy." Amy: "Arf! Arf! Arf! By Various Amy Arf Teacher Tree Bark