Discover a wealth of wisdom and insight from P.g. Wodehouse through their most impactful and thought-provoking quotes and sayings. Expand your perspective with their inspiring words and share these beautiful P.g. Wodehouse quote pictures with your friends and followers on social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, or your personal blog - all free of charge. We've compiled the top 871 P.g. Wodehouse quotes for you to explore and share with others.

Once more he became silent, staring before him with sombre eyes. Following his gaze, I saw that he was looking at an enlarged photograph of my Uncle Tom in some sort of Masonic uniform which stood on the mantlepiece. I've tried to reason with Aunt Dahlia about this photograph for years, placing before her two alternative suggestions: (a) To burn the beastly thing; or (b) if she must preserve it, to shove me in another room when I come to stay. But she declines to accede. She says it's good for me. A useful discipline, she maintains, teaching me that there is a darker side to life and that we were not put into this world for pleasure only. By P.g. Wodehouse Silent Staring Eyes Sombre Photograph

He was one of those supercilious striplings who give you the impression that you went to the wrong school and that your clothes don't fit."This is Oswald," said Bingo."What," I replied cordially, "could be sweeter? How are you?""Oh, all right," said the kid."Nice place, this.""Oh, all right," said the kid."Having a good time fishing?""Oh, all right," said the kid.Young Bingo led me off to commune apart."Doesn't jolly old Oswald's incessant flow of prattle make your head ache sometimes?" I asked.Bingo sighed. By P.g. Wodehouse Bingo Oswald Kid Fit Cordially

Great pals we've always been. In fact there was a time when I had an idea I was in love with Cynthia. However, it blew over. A dashed pretty and lively and attractive girl, mind you, but full of ideals and all that. I may be wronging her, but I have an idea that she's the sort of girl who would want a fellow to carve out a career and what not. I know I've heard her speak favourably of Napoleon. So what with one thing and another the jolly old frenzy sort of petered out, and now we're just pals. I think she's a topper, and she thinks me next door to a looney, so everything's nice and matey. By P.g. Wodehouse Great Cynthia Idea Pals Sort

Girls do go for the finely-chiselled. And apart from his looks, he's and artist, and there's something about artists that seems to act on the other sex like catnip on cats. By P.g. Wodehouse Girls Finelychiselled Cats Act Sex

If you are ignorant of Lora Delane Porter's books that is your affair. Perhaps you are more to be pitied than censured. Nature probably gave you the wrong shape of forehead. Mrs. Porter herself would have put it down to some atavistic tendency or pre-natal influence. She put most things down to that. She blamed nearly all the defects of the modern world, from weak intellects to in-growing toe-nails, on long-dead ladies and gentlemen who, safe in the family vault, imagined that they had established their alibi. She subpoenaed grandfathers and even great-grandfathers to give evidence to show that the reason Twentieth-Century Willie squinted or had to spend his winters in Arizona was their own shocking health 'way back in the days beyond recall. By P.g. Wodehouse Lora Delane Porter Affair Ignorant

What I'm worrying about is what Tom is going to say when he starts talking.""Uncle Tom?""I wish there was something else you could call him except 'Uncle Tom,' " Aunt Dahlia said a little testily. "Every time you do it, I expect to see him turn black and start playing the banjo. By P.g. Wodehouse Uncle Tom Aunt Dahlia Talking

I'm bound to say I was not feeling entirely at my ease. There is something about the man that is calculated to strike terror into the stoutest heart. If ever there was a bloke at the very mention of whose name it would be excusable for people to tremble like aspens, that bloke is Sir Roderick Glossop. He has an enormous bald head, all the hair which ought to be on it seeming to have run into his eyebrows, and his eyes go through you like a couple of Death Rays. By P.g. Wodehouse Ease Bound Feeling Bloke Glossop

Most of the Marois Bay scenery is simply made as a setting for the nursing of a wounded heart. The cliffs are a sombre indigo, sinister and forbidding; and even on the finest days the sea has a curious sullen look. You have only to get away from the crowd near the bathing-machines and reach one of these small coves and get your book against a rock and your pipe well alight, and you can simply wallow in misery. I have done it myself. By P.g. Wodehouse Marois Bay Heart Scenery Made

Talking of being eaten by dogs, there's a dachshund at Brinkley who when you first meet him will give you the impression that he plans to convert you into a light snack between his regular meals. Pay no attention. It's all eyewash. His belligerent attitude is simply - "Sound and fury signifying nothing, sir?"That's it. Pure swank. A few civil words, and he will be grappling you ... What's the expression I've heard you use?"Grappling me to his soul with hoops of steel, sir?"In the first two minutes. He wouldn't hurt a fly, but he has to put up a front because his name's Poppet. One can readily appreciate that when a dog hears himself addressed day in and day out as Poppet, he feels he must throw his weight about. Is self-respect demands it."Precisely, sir."You'll like Poppet. Nice dog. Wears his ears inside out. Why do dachshunds wear their ears inside out?"I could not say, sir."Nor me. I've often wondered. By P.g. Wodehouse Brinkley Poppet Talking Meals Sir

Do you realise that about two hundred of Twing's heftiest are waiting for you outside to chuck you into the pond?""No!""Absolutely!"For a moment the poor chap seemed crushed. But only for a moment. There has always been something of the good old English bulldog breed about Bingo. A strange, sweet smile flickered for an instant over his face."It's all right," he said. "I can sneak out through the cellar and climb over the wall at the back. They can't intimidate me! By P.g. Wodehouse Absolutely Twing Moment Pond Crushed

And then, just when I was beginning to think I might safely pop down in that direction and gather up the dropped threads, so to speak, time, instead of working the healing wheeze, went and pulled the most awful bone and put the lid on it. By P.g. Wodehouse Time Threads Speak Wheeze Beginning

Unlike the male codfish which, suddenly finding itself the parent of three million five hundred thousand little codfish, cheerfully resolves to love them all, the British aristocracy is apt to look with a somewhat jaundiced eye on its younger sons. By P.g. Wodehouse British Codfish Unlike Suddenly Cheerfully

Yes, sir. The mathematician Archimedes is related to have discovered the principle of displacement quite suddenly one morning, while in his bath.' 'Well, there you are. And I don't suppose he was such a devil of a chap. Compared with you, I mean.' 'A gifted man, I believe, sir. It has been a matter of general regret that he was subsequently killed by a common soldier.' 'Too bad. Still, all flesh is as grass, what? By P.g. Wodehouse Sir Archimedes Morning Bath Mathematician

Love, Miss Halliday, is a delicate plant. It needs tending, nurturing, assiduous fostering. This cannot be done by throwing the breakfast bacon at a husband's head. By P.g. Wodehouse Love Miss Halliday Plant Nurturing

That's good," I said. "And if you have a nice time this morning on the sands with your spade and bucket, you will come and tell me all about it, won't you? I have so little on my mind just now that it's a treat to hear all about your happy holiday." Satirical, if you see what I mean. Sarcastic. Almost bitter, as a matter of fact, if you come right down to it. By P.g. Wodehouse Good Bucket Satirical Nice Time

I've just discovered the secret of golf. You can't play a really hot game unless you're so miserable that you don't worry over your shots. Take the case of a chip shot, for instance. If you're really wretched, you don't care where the ball is going and so you don't raise your head to see. Grief automatically prevents pressing and over-swinging. Look at the top-notchers. Have you ever seen a happy pro? By P.g. Wodehouse Golf Discovered Secret Shots Shot

Gussie is an orange-juice addict. He drinks nothing else.' 'I was not aware of that, sir.' 'I have it from his own lips. Whether from some hereditary taint, or because he promised his mother he wouldn't, or simply because he doesn't like the taste of the stuff, Gussie Fink-Nottle has never in the whole course of his career pushed so much as the simplest gin and tonic over the larynx By P.g. Wodehouse Addict Gussie Orangejuice Sir Drinks

There occurred to me the simple epitaph which, when I am no more, I intend to have inscribed on my tombstone. It was this:He was a man who acted from the best motives. There is one born every minute. By P.g. Wodehouse Tombstone Occurred Simple Epitaph Intend

On broader lines he's like those chappies who sit peering sadly over the marble battlements at the Pennsylvania Station in the place marked "Inquiries." You know the Johnnies I mean. You go up to them and say: "When's the next train for Melonsquashville, Tennessee?" and they reply, without stopping to think, "Two-forty-three, track ten, change at San Francisco." And they're right every time. Well, Jeeves gives you just the same impression of omniscience. By P.g. Wodehouse Inquiries Pennsylvania Station Marked Broader

I am not always good and noble. I am the hero of this story, but I have my off moments. By P.g. Wodehouse Noble Good Story Moments Hero

I remember when I was a kid at school having to learn a poem of sorts about a fellow named Pig-something - a sculptor he would have been, no doubt - who made a statue of a girl, and what should happen one morning but that the bally thing suddenly came to life. A pretty nasty shock for the chap, of course, but the point I'm working round to is that there were a couple of lines that went, if I remember correctly: She starts. She moves. She seems to feel The stir of life along her keel. And what I'm driving at is that you couldn't get a better description of what happened to Gussie as I spoke these heartening words. His brow cleared, his eyes brightened, he lost that fishy look, and he gazed at the slug, which was still on the long, long trail with something approaching bonhomie. A marked improvement. By P.g. Wodehouse Pigsomething Remember Doubt Girl Kid

Hypatia, like all girls who intend to be good wives, made it a practice to look on any suggestions thrown out by her future lord and master as fatuous and futile. By P.g. Wodehouse Hypatia Wives Made Futile Girls

The exquisite code of politeness of the Woosters prevented me clipping her one on the ear-hole, but I would have given a shilling to be able to do it. There seemed to me something deliberately fat-headed in the way she persisted in missing the gist. By P.g. Wodehouse Woosters Earhole Exquisite Code Politeness

I say Bertie old man I am in love at last. She is the most wonderful girl Bertie old man. This is the real thing at last Bertie. Come here at once and bring Jeeves. Oh I say you know that tobacco shop in Bond Street on the left side as you go up. Will you get me a hundred of their special cigarettes and send them to me here. I have run out. I know when you see her you will think she is the most wonderful girl. Mind you bring Jeeves. Don't forget the cigarettes. - Bingo. By P.g. Wodehouse Bertie Jeeves Man Love Wonderful

It can't be done, old thing. Sorry, but it's out of the question. I couldn't go through all that again.""Not for me?""Not for a dozen more like you.""I never thought," said Bingo sorrowfully, "to hear those words from Bertie Wooster!""Well, you've heard them now," I said. "Paste them in your hat.""Bertie, we were at school together.""It wasn't my fault.""We've been pals for fifteen years.""I know. It's going to take me the rest of my life to live it down. By P.g. Wodehouse Thing Bertie Wooster Paste Bingo

There's something about evening service in a country church that makes a fellow feel drowsy and peaceful. Sort of end-of-a-perfect-day feeling. Old Heppenstall was up in the pulpit, and he has a kind of regular, bleating delivery that assists thought. They had left the door open, and the air was full of a mixed scent of trees and honeysuckle and mildew and villagers' Sunday clothes. As far as the eye could reach, you could see farmers propped up in restful attitudes, breathing heavily; and the children in the congregation who had fidgeted during the earlier part of the proceedings were now lying back in a surfeited sort of coma. The last rays of the setting sun shone through the stained-glass windows, birds were twittering in the trees, the women's dresses crackled gently in the stillness. Peaceful. That's what I'm driving at. I felt peaceful. Everybody felt peaceful. By P.g. Wodehouse Peaceful Evening Service Country Church

I say, Bertie, is it really true that you were once engaged to Honoria?""It is."Biffy coughed."How did you get out - I mean, what was the nature of the tragedy that prevented the marriage?""Jeeves worked it. He thought out the entire scheme.""I think, before I go," said Biffy thoughtfully, "I'll just step into the kitchen and have a word with Jeeves."I felt that the situation called for complete candour."Biffy, old egg," I said, "as man to man, do you want to oil out of this thing?""Bertie, old cork," said Biffy earnestly, "as one friend to another, I do. By P.g. Wodehouse Biffy Bertie Honoria Jeeves Coughed

[On writing Jeeves and Wooster stories]:You tell yourself that you can take Jeeves stories or leave them alone, that one more can't possibly hurt you, because you know you can pull up whenever you feel like it, but it is merely wish-full thinking. The craving has gripped you and there is no resisting it.You have passed the point of no return. By P.g. Wodehouse Jeeves Stories Wooster Thinking Writing

Like one kissed by a goddess in a dream, he walked on air; and, while one is walking on air, it is easy to overlook the boulders in the path. By P.g. Wodehouse Air Dream Path Kissed Goddess

I love that girl, Bertie," he went on, when he'd finished coughing."Yes. Nice girl, of course."He eyed me with deep loathing."Don't speak of her in that horrible casual way. She's an angel. An angel! By P.g. Wodehouse Bertie Girl Coughing Angel Love

We part, then, for the nonce, do we?''I fear so, sir.''You take the high road, and self taking the low road, as it were?''Yes, sir.''I shall miss you, Jeeves.''Thank you, sir.''Who was that chap who was always beefing about gazelles?''The poet Moore, sir. He complained that he had never nursed a dear gazelle, to glad him with its soft black eye, but when it came to know him well, it was sure to die.''It's the same with me. I am a gazelle short. You don't mind me alluding to you as a gazelle, Jeeves?''Not at all, sir. By P.g. Wodehouse Sir Road Jeeves Moore Sir

When a girl uses six derogatory adjectives in her attempt to paint the portrait of the loved one, it means something. One may indicate a merely temporary tiff. Six is big stuff. By P.g. Wodehouse Girl Derogatory Adjectives Attempt Paint

You remind me of an old cat I once had. Whenever he killed a mouse he would bring it into the drawing-room and lay it affectionately at my feet. I would reject the corpse with horror and turn him out, but back he would come with his loathsome gift. I simply couldn't make him understand that he was not doing me a kindness. He thought highly of his mouse and it was beyond him to realize that I did not want it.You are just the same with your chivalry. It's very kind of you to keep offering me your dead mouse; but honestly I have no use for it. I won't take favors just because I happen to be a female. By P.g. Wodehouse Remind Cat Mouse Feet Killed

I am pitching it feebly," said young Bingo earnestly. "You haven't heard the thing. I have. Rosie shoved the cylinder on the dictating-machine last night before dinner, and it was grisly to hear the instrument croaking out those awful sentences. If that article appears I shall be kidded to death by every pal I've got. Bertie," he said, his voice sinking to a hoarse whisper, "you have about as much imagination as a warthog, but surely even you can picture to yourself what Jimmy Bowles and Tuppy Rogers, to name only tow, will say when they see me referred to in print as "half god, half prattling, mischievous child"?"I jolly well could"She doesn't say that?"I gasped."She certainly does. And when I tell you that I selected that particular quotation because it's about the only one I can stand hearing spoken, you will realise what I'm up against. By P.g. Wodehouse Bingo Feebly Earnestly Pitching Young

As a rule, you see, I'm not lugged into Family Rows. On the occasions when Aunt is calling Aunt like mastodons bellowing across premieval swamps and Uncle James's letter about Cousin Mabel's peculiar behaviour is being shot round the family circle ('Please read this carefully and send it on Jane') the clan has a tendency to ignore me. It's one of the advantages I get from being a bachelor - and, according to my nearest and dearest, practically a half-witted bachelor at that. By P.g. Wodehouse Rows Family Aunt Rule Lugged

Never mind," I said crisply. "I have my methods." I dug out my entire stock of manly courage, breathed a short prayer and let her have it right in the thorax. By P.g. Wodehouse Mind Crisply Methods Courage Breathed

If you are a millionaire beset by blackmailers or anyone else to whose comfort the best legal advice is essential, and have decided to put your affairs in the hands of the ablest and discreetest firm in London, you proceed through a dark and grimy entry and up a dark and grimy flight of stairs; and, having felt your way along a dark and grimy passage, you come at length to a dark and grimy door. There is plenty of dirt in other parts of Ridgeway's Inn, but nowhere is it so plentiful, so rich in alluvial deposits, as on the exterior of the offices of Marlowe, Thorpe, Prescott, Winslow and Appleby. As you tap on the topmost of the geological strata concealing the ground-glass of the door, a sense of relief and security floods your being. For in London grubbiness is the gauge of a lawyer's respectability. By P.g. Wodehouse Dark Grimy London Door Essential

Didn't Frankenstein get married?""Did he?" said Eggy. "I don't know. I never met him. Harrow man, I expect. By P.g. Wodehouse Eggy Frankenstein Married Harrow Man

I don't want to wrong anybody, so I won't go so far as to say that she actually wrote poetry, but her conversation, to my mind, was of a nature calculated to excite the liveliest of suspicions. Well, I mean to say, when a girl suddenly asks you out of a blue sky if you don't sometimes feel that the stars are God's daisy-chain, you begin to think a bit. By P.g. Wodehouse Poetry Conversation Mind Suspicions Wrong

Water!' cried Marie.'Vinegar!' recommended the bell-boy.'Eu-de-Cologne!' said Bill.'Pepper!' said Lord Tidmouth.Mary had another suggestion.'Give her air!'So had the bell-boy.'Slap her hands!'Lord Tidmouth went further.'Sit on her head!' he advised. By P.g. Wodehouse Water Vinegar Marie Lord Pepper

I've been through a bad time, Bertie, these last weeks. The sun ceased to shine - ""That's curious. We've had gorgeous weather in London.""The birds ceased to sing.""What birds?""What the devil does it matter what birds?" said young BIngo, with some asperity. "Any birds. The birds round about here. You don't expect me to specify them by their pet names, do you? I tell you, Bertie, it hit me hard at first, very hard.""What hit you?" I simply couldn't follow the blighter."Charlotte's calculated callousness. By P.g. Wodehouse Bertie Birds Time Weeks Bad

And you call yourself a pal of mine!""Yes, I know; but there are limits.""Bertie," said Bingo reproachfully, "I saved your life once.""When?""Didn't I? It must have been some other fellow then. Well, anyway, we were boys together and all that. You can't let me down.""Oh, all right," I said. "But, when you say you haven't nerve enough for any dashed thing in the world, you misjudge yourself. By P.g. Wodehouse Bertie Bingo Mine Limits Reproachfully

Mike's statement that he wanted to get up early and have a ride had been received by Psmith, with whom early rising was not a hobby, with honest amazement and a flood of advice and warning on the subject."One of the Georges," said Psmith, "I forget which, once said that a certain number of hours' sleep a day - I cannot recall for the moment how many - made a man something, which for the time being has slipped my memory. However, there you are. I've given you the main idea of the thing; and a German doctor says that early rising causes insanity. Still, if you're bent on it ... . By P.g. Wodehouse Psmith Georges Early Mike Hobby

A fellow told me one about Wembley yesterday," I said, to help on the cheery flow of conversation. "Stop me if you've heard it before. Chap goes up to deaf chap outside the exhibition and says, "Is this Wembley?" "Hey?" says deaf chap. "Is this Wembley?" says chap. "Hey?" says deaf chap. "Is this Wembley?" says chap. "No, Thursday," says deaf chap. Ha, ha, I mean, what?"The merry laughter froze on my lips. Sir Roderick sort of just waggled an eyebrow in my direction and I saw that it was back to the basket for Bertram. I never met a man who had such a knack of making a fellow feel like a waste-product. By P.g. Wodehouse Wembley Chap Deaf Hey Yesterday

I like B. Wooster the way he is. Lay off him, I say. Don't try to change him, or you may lose the flavour. Even when we were merely affianced, I recalled, this woman had dashed the mystery thriller from my hand, instructing me to read instead a perfectly frightful thing by a bird called Tolstoy. At the thought of what horrors might ensue after the clergyman had done his stuff and she had a legal right to bring my grey hairs in sorrow to the grave, the imagination boggled. It was a subdued and apprehensive Bertram Wooster who some moments later reached for the hat and light overcoat and went off to the Savoy to shove food into the Trotters. The By P.g. Wodehouse Wooster Tolstoy Trotters Bertram Savoy

I sank into a c. and passed an agitated h. over the b. By P.g. Wodehouse Sank Passed Agitated

The snag in this business of falling in love, aged relative, is that the parties of the first part so often get mixed up with the wrong parties of the second part, robbed of their cooler judgement by the party of the second part's glamour. Put it like this: the male sex is divided into rabbits and non-rabbits and the female sex into dashers and dormice, and the trouble is that the male rabbit has a way of getting attracted by the female dasher (who would be fine for the non-rabbit) and realizing too late that he ought to have been concentrating on some mild, gentle dormouse with whom he could settle down peacefully and nibble lettuce. By P.g. Wodehouse Part Parties Love Aged Relative

You ask me,' a thoughtful Crumpet had once said in the smoking-room of the Drones Club, 'why it is that at the mention of his Uncle Fred's name Pongo Twistleton blenches to the core and calls for a couple of quick ones. I will tell you. It is because this uncle is pure dynamite. Every time he is in Pongo's midst, with the sap running strongly in his veins, he subjects the unfortunate young egg to some soul-testing experience, luring him out into the open and there, right in the public eye, proceeding to step high, wide and plentiful. For though well stricken in years the old blister becomes on these occasions as young as he feels, which seems to be about twenty-two. I don't know if you happen to know what the word "excesses" means, but those are what he invariably commits, when on the loose. Get Pongo to tell you some time about that day they had together at the dog races. By P.g. Wodehouse Club Crumpet Drones Fred Twistleton

It was as good a dinner as I have ever absorbed, and Thomas like a watered flower. As we sat down he was saying some things about the Government which they wouldn't have cared to hear. With the consomme pate d'Italie he said but what could you expect nowadays? With the paupiettes de sole a la princesse he admitted rather decently that the Government couldn't be held responsible for the rotten weather, anyway. And shortly after the caneton Aylesbury a la broche he was practically giving the lads the benefit of his whole-hearted support. By P.g. Wodehouse Thomas Government Absorbed Flower Good

Lord Emsworth was a man with little of the aggressor in his spiritual make-up. He believed in living and letting live. Except for his sister Constance, his secretary Lavender Briggs, the Duke of Dunstable and his younger son Frederick, now fortunately residing in America, few things were able to ruffle him. Placid is the word that springs to the lips. But the Church Lads had pierced his armour, and he found resentment growing within him like some shrub that has been treated with a patent fertilizer. He brooded bleakly on the injuries he had suffered at the hands of these juvenile delinquents. The By P.g. Wodehouse Emsworth Lord Makeup Man Aggressor

Jeeves," I said, "listen attentively. I don't want to give the impression that I consider myself one of those deadly coves who exercise an irresistible fascination over one and all and can't meet a girl without wrecking her peace of mind in the first half-minute. As a matter of fact, it's rather the other way with me, for girls on entering my presence are mostly inclined to give me the raised eyebrow and the twitching upper lip. By P.g. Wodehouse Jeeves Listen Attentively Give Halfminute

It is futile to advance the argument that glasses are unromantic. They are not. I know, because I wear them myself, and I am a singularly romantic figure, whether in my rimless, my Oxford gold-bordered, or the plain gent's spectacles which I wear in the privacy of my study. By P.g. Wodehouse Unromantic Futile Advance Argument Glasses

I mean, if you're asking a fellow to come out of a room so that you can dismember him with a carving knife, it's absurd to tack a 'sir' on to every sentence. The two things don't go together. By P.g. Wodehouse Sir Knife Sentence Fellow Room

Did you ever tread on your partner's dress at a dance - I'm speaking now of the days when women wore dresses long enough to be trodden on - and hear it rip and see her smile at you like an angel and say, "Please don't apologise. It's nothing," and then suddenly meet her clear blue eyes and feel as if you had stepped on the teeth of a rake and had the handle jump up and hit you in the face? By P.g. Wodehouse Dance Apologise Tread Partner Dress

The first of the telegrams arrived shortly after noon, and Jeeves brought it in with the before-luncheon snifter. It was from Aunt Dahlia, operating from Market Snodsbury, a small town of sorts a mile or two along the main road as it leaves her country seat. It ran as follows:Come at once. Travers.And when I say it puzzled me like the dickens, I am understating it, if anything. As mysterious a communication, I considered, as was ever flashed over the wires. I studied it in a profound reverie for the best part of two dry Martinis and a dividend. I read it backwards. I read it forwards. As a matter of fact, I have a sort of recollection of even smelling it. But it still baffled me. By P.g. Wodehouse Jeeves Noon Snifter Telegrams Arrived

Once in every few publishing seasons there is an Event. For no apparent reason, the great heart of the Public gives a startled jump, and the public's great purse is emptied to secure copies of some novel which has stolen into the world without advance advertising and whose only claim to recognition is that The Licensed Victuallers' Gazette has stated in a two-line review that it is 'readable'. By P.g. Wodehouse Event Public Publishing Seasons Great

That's what I meant when I said that about the cheek of Woman as a sex. What I mean is, after what had happened, you'd have thought she would have preferred to let the dead past bury its dead, and all that sort of thing, what? By P.g. Wodehouse Woman Sex Meant Cheek Dead

Brookfield, my correspondent, writes that last week he observed him in the moonlight at an advanced hour gazing up at his window.""Whose window? Brookfield's?""Yes, sir. Presumably under the impression that it was the young lady's.""But what the deuce is he doing at Twing at all?""Mr Little was compelled to resume his old position as tutor to Lord Wickhammersley's son at Twing Hall, sir. Owing to having been unsuccessful in some speculations at Hurst Park at the end of October.""Good Lord, Jeeves! Is there anything you don't know?""I couldn't say, sir. By P.g. Wodehouse Sir Brookfield Twing Correspondent Writes

Rugby football is a game I can't claim absolutely to understand in all its niceties, if you know what I mean. I can follow the broad, general principles, of course. I mean to say, I know that the main scheme is to work the ball down the field somehow and deposit it over the line at the other end and that, in order to squalch this programme, each side is allowed to put in a certain amount of assault and battery and do things to its fellow man which, if done elsewhere, would result in 14 days without the option, coupled with some strong remarks from the Bench. By P.g. Wodehouse Rugby Niceties Football Game Claim

She was rather like one of those innocent-tasting American drinks which creep imperceptibly into your system so that, before you know what you're doing, you're starting out to reform the world by force if necessary and pausing on your way to tell the large man in the corner that, if he looks at you like that, you will knock his head off. By P.g. Wodehouse American Innocenttasting Drinks Creep Imperceptibly

He's quite a bit of a snob, you know, and when he hears I'm going to marry the daughter of an earl - ""I say, old man," I couldn't help saying, "aren't you looking ahead rather far?""Oh, that's all right. It's true nothing's actually settled yet, but she practically told me the other day she was fond of me.""What!""Well, she said that the sort of man she liked was the self-reliant, manly man with strength, good looks, character, ambition, and initiative.""Leave me, laddie," I said. "Leave me to my fried egg. By P.g. Wodehouse Leave Man Snob Earl Bit

As a child of eight Mr. Trout had once kissed a girl of six under the mistletoe at a Christmas party, but there his sex life had come to abrupt halt. By P.g. Wodehouse Trout Christmas Party Halt Child

You know how it is as a rule, when you want to get Chappie A on Spot B at exactly the same moment when Chappie C is on Spot D. There's always a chance of a hitch. Take the case of a general, I mean to say, who's planning out a big movement. He tells one regiment to capture the hill with the windmill on it at the exact moment when another regiment is taking the bridgehead or something down in the valley; and everything gets all messed up. And then, when they're chatting the thing over in camp that night, the colonel of the first regiment says, "Oh, sorry! Did you say the hill with the windmill? I thought you said the one with the flock of sheep." And there you are! By P.g. Wodehouse Spot Chappie Regiment Moment Rule

I mean to say, I know perfectly well that I've got, roughly speaking, half the amount of brain a normal bloke ought to possess. And when a girl comes along who has about twice the regular allowance, she too often makes a bee line for me with the love light in her eyes. I don't know how to account for it, but it is so.""It may be Nature's provision for maintaining the balance of the species, sir. By P.g. Wodehouse Roughly Speaking Half Possess Perfectly

Slice him where you like, a hellhound is always a hellhound. By P.g. Wodehouse Hellhound Slice

Every time I look up and catch that kid's vacant eye, I suffer agonies. I tell you, Bertie, sometimes when he gives me a patronising glance and then turns away and is sick, as if it revolted him to look at me, I come within an ace of occupying the entire front page of the evening papers as the latest murder sensation. By P.g. Wodehouse Eye Agonies Bertie Time Catch

He was a long, stripy policeman, who flowed out of his uniform at odd spots, as if Nature, setting out to make a constable, had had a good deal of material left over which she had not liked to throw away but hardly seemed able to fit into the general scheme. By P.g. Wodehouse Nature Long Stripy Policeman Spots

I tried to utter, but could not. The tongue had got all tangled up with the uvula, and the brain seemed paralyzed. I was feeling the same stunned feeling which, I imagine, Chichester Clam must have felt as the door of the potting shed slammed and he heard Boko starting to yodel without a nightmare sensation of being but a helpless pawn in the hands of Fate. By P.g. Wodehouse Utter Feeling Chichester Fate Clam

He was always in a sort of fever because he was dropping behind schedule with his daily acts of kindness. However hard he tried, he'd fall behind; and then you would find him prowling about the house, setting such a clip to try and catch up with himself that Easeby was rapidly becoming a perfect hell for man and beast. By P.g. Wodehouse Kindness Sort Fever Dropping Schedule

Major-General Sir Wilfred Bosher came to distribute the prizes at that school', proceeded Gussie in a dull, toneless voice.'He dropped a book. He stooped to pick it up. And, as he stooped, his trousers split up the back'.'How we roared! By P.g. Wodehouse Sir Wilfred Bosher Gussie Majorgeneral

This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth. By P.g. Wodehouse Aunt Dahlia Agatha Teeth Good

You must meet old Rowbotham, Bertie. A delightful chap. Wants to massacre the bourgeoisie, sack Park Lane and disembowel the hereditary aristocracy. Well, nothing could be fairer than that, what? By P.g. Wodehouse Bertie Rowbotham Meet Park Lane

It soon became apparent that the light of the lamp, though bestowing the doubtful privilege of a clearer view of Mr. Repetto's face, held certain disadvantages. Scarcely had the staff of Cosy Moments reached the faint yellow pool of light, in the centre of which Mr. Repetto reclined, than, with a suddenness which caused them to leap into the air, there sounded from the darkness down the road the crack-crack-crack of a revolver. Instantly from the opposite direction came other shots. Three bullets flicked grooves in the roadway almost at Billy's feet. The Kid gave a sudden howl. Psmith's hat, suddenly imbued with life, sprang into the air and vanished, whirling into the night. By P.g. Wodehouse Repetto Light Lamp Face Held

When you are discovered by a householder - with revolver - in his parlor at half-past three in the morning, it is surely an injudicious move to lay stress on your proficiency as a burglar. The householder may be supposed to take that for granted. By P.g. Wodehouse Revolver Morning Burglar Householder Discovered

Do you mind not intoning the responses, Jeeves?" I said. "This is a most complicated story for a man with a headache to have to tell, and if you interrupt you'll make me lose the thread. As a favour to me, therefore, don't do it. Just nod every now and then to show that you're following me."I closed my eyes and marshalled the facts."To start with then, Jeeves, you may or may not know that Mr Sipperley is practically dependent on his Aunt Vera.""Would that be Miss Sipperley of the Paddock, Beckley-on-the-Moor, in Yorkshire, sir?""Yes. Don't tell me you know her!""Not personally, sir. But I have a cousin residing in the village who has some slight acquaintance with Miss Sipperley. He has described her to me as an imperious and quick-tempered old lady ... But I beg your pardon, sir, I should have nodded.""Quite right, you should have nodded. Yes, Jeeves, you should have nodded. But it's too late now. By P.g. Wodehouse Jeeves Sir Sipperley Responses Miss

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash. By P.g. Wodehouse Judges Display Class Alimony Cash

It was a morning when all nature shouted Fore! The breeze, as it blew gently up from the valley, seemed to bring a message of hope and cheer, whispering of chip shots holed and brassies landing squarely on the meat. The fairway, as yet unscarred by the irons of a hundred dubs, smiled greenly up at the azure sky. By P.g. Wodehouse Fore Morning Nature Shouted Breeze

And of all the objects under my immediate advisement I noted this yacht with the most pleasure and approval. White in colour, in size resembling a young liner, it lent a decided tone to the Chuffnell Regis foreshore. By P.g. Wodehouse Approval Objects Advisement Noted Yacht

Cheer up, Crips, and keep smiling. That's the thing to do. If you go through life with a smile on your face, you'll be amazed how many people will come up to you and say 'What the hell are you grinning about? What's so funny?' Make you a lot of new friends. By P.g. Wodehouse Crips Cheer Smiling Thing Face

It has been well said that an author who expects results from a first novel is in a position similar to that of a man who drops a rose petal down the Grand Canyon of Arizona and listens for the echo. By P.g. Wodehouse Grand Canyon Arizona Echo Author

That's always the way in this world. The chappies you'd like to lend money to won't let you, whereas the chappies you don't want to lend it to will do everything except actually stand you on your head and lift the specie out of your pockets. By P.g. Wodehouse World Chappies Lend Pockets Money

I read the paragraph again. A peculiar feeling it gave me. I don't know if you have ever experienced the sensation of seeing the announcement of the engagement of a pal of yours to a girl whom you were only saved from marrying yourself by the skin of your teeth. It induces a sort of well, it's difficult to describe it exactly; but I should imagine a fellow would feel much the same if he happened to be strolling through the jungle with a boyhood chum and met a tigress or a jaguar, or what not, and managed to shin up a tree and looked down and saw the friend of his youth vanishing into the undergrowth in the animal's slavering jaws. A sort of profound, prayerful relief, if you know what I mean, blended at the same time with a pang of pity. What I'm driving at is that, thankful as I was that I hadn't had to marry Honoria myself, I was sorry to see a real good chap like old Biffy copping it. I sucked down a spot of tea and began brooding over the business. By P.g. Wodehouse Read Paragraph Sort Peculiar Feeling

Filled with a coward rage that dares to burn but does not dare to blaze, Lord Emsworth coughed a cough that was undisguisedly a bronchial white flag. By P.g. Wodehouse Lord Emsworth Filled Blaze Flag

It's called "Caliban At Sunset".' 'What at sunset?' 'Caliban.' He cleared his throat, and began: I stood with a man Watching the sun go down. The air was full of murmurous summer scents And a brave breeze sang like a bugle From a sky that smouldered in the west, A sky of crimson, amethyst and gold and sepia And blue as blue as were the eyes of Helen When she sat Gazing from some high tower in Ilium Upon the Grecian tents darkling below. And he, This man who stood beside me, Gaped like some dull, half-witted animal And said, 'I say, Doesn't that sunset remind you Of a slice Of underdone roast beef?' He By P.g. Wodehouse Caliban Sunset Called Sky Blue

When you have been just told that the girl you love is definitely betrothed to another, you begin to understand how Anarchists must feel when the bomb goes off too soon. By P.g. Wodehouse Anarchists Told Girl Love Betrothed

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need. By P.g. Wodehouse Brains Exact Quantity Girl Marries

Have you ever been turned down by a girl who afterwards married and then been introduced to her husband? If so you'll understand how I felt when Clarence burst on me. You know the feeling. First of all, when you hear about the marriage, you say to yourself, "I wonder what he's like." Then you meet him, and think, "There must be some mistake. She can't have preferred this to me! By P.g. Wodehouse Husband Turned Girl Married Introduced

He was like some prophet of old, scourging the sins of the people. He leaped about in a frenzy of inspiration till I feared he would do himself an injury. Sometimes he expressed himself in a somewhat odd manner, but every word carried conviction. He showed me New York in its true colours. He showed me the vanity and wickedness of sitting in gilded haunts of vice, eating lobster when decent people should be in bed.'He said that the tango and the fox-trot were devices of the devil to drag people down into the Bottomless Pit. He said that there was more sin in ten minutes with a negro banjo orchestra than in all the ancient revels of Nineveh and Babylon. And when he stood on one leg and pointed right at where I was sitting and shouted "This means you!" I could have sunk through the floor. By P.g. Wodehouse People Scourging Prophet Showed Sitting

You never know what is waiting for you around the corner. You start the day with the fairest prospects, and before nightfall everything is as rocky and ding-basted as stig tossed full of doodlegammon. By P.g. Wodehouse Corner Waiting Prospects Doodlegammon Start

Honoria, you see, is one of those robust, dynamic girls with the muscles of a welter-weight and a laugh like a squadron of cavalry charging over a tin bridge. A beastly thing to have to face over the breakfast table. Brainy, moreover. The sort of girl who reduces you to pulp with sixteen sets of tennis and a few rounds of golf and then comes down to dinner as fresh as a daisy, expecting you to take an intelligent interest in Freud. By P.g. Wodehouse Honoria Robust Dynamic Bridge Muscles

As I stood in my lonely bedroom at the hotel, trying to tie my white tie myself, it struck me for the first time that there must be whole squads of chappies in the world who had to get along without a man to look after them. I'd always thought of Jeeves as a kind of natural phenomenon; but, by Jove! of course, when you come to think of it, there must be quite a lot of fellows who have to press their own clothes themselves and haven't got anybody to bring them tea in the morning, and so on. It was rather a solemn thought, don't you know. I mean to say, ever since then I've been able to appreciate the frightful privations the poor have to stick. By P.g. Wodehouse Tie Hotel Stood Lonely Bedroom

It is the opinion of most thoughtful students of life that happiness in this world depends chiefly on the ability to take things as they come. An instance of one who may be said to have perfected this attitude is to be found in the writings of a certain eminent Arabian author who tells of a traveller who, sinking to sleep one afternoon upon a patch of turf containing an acorn, discovered when he woke that the warmth of his body had caused the acorn to germinate and that he was now some sixty feet above the ground in the upper branches of a massive oak. Unable to descend, he faced the situation equably. 'I cannot,' he observed, 'adapt circumstances to my will: therefore I shall adapt my will to circumstances. I decide to remain here.' Which he did. By P.g. Wodehouse Opinion Thoughtful Students Life Happiness

No wonder Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoi's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city reservoir, he turns to the cupboard, only to find the vodka bottle empty. By P.g. Wodehouse Freddie Tolstoi Russian Father Beating

Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty. By P.g. Wodehouse Tolstoy Russian Freddie Father Beating

Don't blame me, Pongo,' said Lord Ickenham, 'if Lady Constance takes her lorgnette to you. God bless my soul, though, you can't compare the lorgnettes of to-day with the ones I used to know as a boy. I remember walking one day in Grosvenor Square with my aunt Brenda and her pug dog Jabberwocky, and a policeman came up and said the latter ought to be wearing a muzzle. My aunt made no verbal reply. She merely whipped her lorgnette from its holster and looked at the man, who gave one choking gasp and fell back against the railings, without a mark on him but with an awful look of horror in his staring eyes, as if he had seen some dreadful sight. A doctor was sent for, and they managed to bring him round, but he was never the same again. He had to leave the Force, and eventually drifted into the grocery business. And that is how Sir Thomas Lipton got his start. By P.g. Wodehouse Pongo Ickenham Lord Lady Constance

I could not but feel that it was ironical that the old relative should have spoken disparagingly of fawns as a class, sneering at their timidity in that rather lofty and superior manner, for he himself could have walked straight into a gathering of these animals and no questions asked. By P.g. Wodehouse Class Sneering Manner Asked Feel

Have you lost the girl you love?' 'That's what I'm trying to figure out. I can't make up my mind. It all depends what construction you place on the words "I never want to see or speak to you again in this world or the next, you miserable fathead."' 'Did she say that? By P.g. Wodehouse Love Lost Girl Figure Mind

If ever there was a bloke at the very mention of whose name it would be excusable for people to tremble like aspens, that bloke is Sir Roderick Glossop. He has an enormous bald head, all the hair which ought to be on it seeming to have run into his eyebrows, and his eyes go through you like a couple of Death Rays."How are you, how are you, how are you?" I said, overcoming a slight desire to leap backwards out of the window. By P.g. Wodehouse Glossop Sir Roderick Bloke Aspens

You ate something that disagreed with you last night, didn't you?' I said, by way of giving him a chance to slide out of it if he wanted to. But he wouldn't have it at any price.'No!' he replied firmly. 'I didn't do anything of the kind. I drank too much. Much too much. Lots and lots too much. And, what's more, I'm going to do it again. I'm going to do it every night. If ever you see me sober, old top,' he said, with a kind of holy exaltation, 'tap me on the shoulder and say "Tut! Tut!" and I'll apologise and remedythe defect. By P.g. Wodehouse Tut Ate Disagreed Night Kind

But, Bill, old scout, your sister says there's a most corking links near here."He turned and stared at me, and nearly ran us into the bank."You don't mean honestly she said that?""She said you said it was better than St. Andrews.""So I did. Was that all she said I said?""Well, wasn't it enough?""She didn't happen to mention that I added the words, 'I don't think'?""No, she forgot to tell me that.""It's the worst course in Great Britain. By P.g. Wodehouse Bill Andrews Scout Here Bank

Feminine psychology is admittedly odd, sir. The poet Pope ... ""Never mind about the poet Pope, Jeeves.""No, sir.""There are times when one wants to hear all about the poet Pope and times when one doesn't.""Very true, sir. By P.g. Wodehouse Sir Pope Poet Feminine Odd

She is very wonderful, Bertie. She is not one of these flippant, shallow-minded, modern girls. She is sweetly grave and beautifully earnest. She reminds me of - what is the name I want?""Marie Lloyd?""Saint Cecilia," said young Bingo, eyeing me with a good deal of loathing. "She reminds me of Saint Cecilia. She makes me yearn to be a better, nobler, deeper, broader man. By P.g. Wodehouse Bertie Cecilia Wonderful Saint Reminds

Jeeves," I said. "A rummy communication has arrived. From Mr. Glossop.""Indeed, sir?""I will read it to you. Handed in at Upper Bleaching. Message runs as follows:When you come tomorrow, bring my football boots. Also, if humanly possible, Irish water-spaniel. Urgent. Regards. Tuppy."What do you make of that, Jeeves?""As I interpret the document, sir, Mr. Glossop wishes you, when you come tomorrow, to bring his football boots. Also, if humanly possible, an Irish water-spaniel. He hints that the matter is urgent, and sends his regards.""Yes, that is how I read it. But why football boots?""Perhaps Mr. Glossop wishes to play football, sir. By P.g. Wodehouse Sir Jeeves Boots Football Glossop

Bertie, old man," said young Bingo earnestly, "for the last two weeks I've been comforting the sick to such an extent that, if I had a brother and you brought him to me on a sick-bed at this moment, by Jove, old man, I'd heave a brick at him. By P.g. Wodehouse Man Bertie Jove Bingo Earnestly

Abandon the idea, Jeeves. I fear you have not studied the sex as I have. Missing her lunch means little or nothing to the female of the species. The feminine attitude toward lunch is notoriously airy and casual. Where you have made your bloomer is confusing lunch with tea. Hell, it is well known, has no fury like a woman who wants her tea and can't get it. At such times the most amiable of the sex become mere bombs which a spark may ignite. Bertie Wooster By P.g. Wodehouse Jeeves Abandon Idea Lunch Sex

I worship her, Bertie! I worship the very ground she treads on! continued the patient, in a loud, penetrating voice. Fred thompson and one or two fellows had come in, and McGarry, the chappie behind the bar, was listening with his ears flapping. But there's no reticence about Bingo. He always reminds me of the hero of a musical comedy who takes the centre of the stage, gathers the boys round him in a circle, and tells them all about his love at the top of his voice. By P.g. Wodehouse Bertie Worship Voice Bingo Ground

Bertie old man I say Bertie could you possibly come down here at once. Everything gone wrong hang it all. Dash it Bertie you simply must come. I am in a state of absolute despair and heart-broken. Would you mind sending another hundred of those cigarettes. Bring Jeeves when you come Bertie. You simply must come Bertie. I rely on you. Don't forget to bring Jeeves. Bingo.For a chap who's perpetually hard-up, I must say that young Bingo is the most wasteful telegraphist I ever struck. He's got no notion of condensing. The silly ass simply pours out his wounded soul at twopence a word, or whatever it is, without a thought. By P.g. Wodehouse Bertie Simply Jeeves Man Possibly

I mean, imagine how some unfortunate Master Criminal would feel, on coming down to do a murder at the old Grange, if he found that not only was Sherlock Holmes putting in the weekend there, but Hercule Poirot, as well." ~ Bertram "Bertie" Wooster By P.g. Wodehouse Grange Poirot Master Criminal Sherlock

Bertie, it is imperative that you marry.""But, dash it all ... ""Yes! You should be breeding children to ... ""No, really, I say, please!" I said, blushing richly. Aunt Agatha belongs to two or three of these women's clubs, and she keeps forgetting she isn't in the smoking-room. By P.g. Wodehouse Bertie Marry Dash Imperative Agatha

Jeeves, whatever his moral defects, would never go about in skirts calling me Bertie. By P.g. Wodehouse Jeeves Bertie Defects Moral Skirts

I suppose even Dictators have their chummy moments, when they put their feet up and relax with the boys, but it was plain from the outset that if Roderick Spode had a sunnier side, he had not come with any idea of exhibiting it now. His manner was curt. One sensed the absence of the bonhomous note. ... Here he laid a hand on my shoulder, and I can't remember when I have experienced anything more unpleasant. Apart from what Jeeves would have called the symbolism of the action, he had a grip like the bite of a horse."Did you say 'Oh yes?'" he asked."Oh no," I assured him. By P.g. Wodehouse Dictators Roderick Spode Moments Boys

I say, Bertie," he said, after a pause of about an hour and a quarter."Hallo!""Do you like the name Mabel?""No.""No?""No.""You don't think there's a kind of music in the word, like the wind rustling gently through the tree-tops?""No."He seemed disappointed for a moment; then cheered up."Of course, you wouldn't. You always were a fat-headed worm without any soul, weren't you?""Just as you say. Who is she? Tell me all. By P.g. Wodehouse Bertie Hallo Mabel Quarter Word

When it comes to letting the world in on the secrets of his heart, he has about as much shrinking reticence as a steam calliope. By P.g. Wodehouse Heart Calliope Letting World Secrets

What with one thing and another, I can't remember ever having been chirpier than at about this period in my career. Everything seemed to be going right. On three separate occasions horses on which I'd invested a sizeable amount won by lengths instead of sitting down to rest in the middle of the race, as horses usually do when I've got money on them. ~ Bertram "Bertie" Wooster - The Inimitable Jeeves By P.g. Wodehouse Career Thing Remember Chirpier Period

Hallo, Bertie.""Hallo, old turnip. Where have you been all this while?""Oh, here and there! Ripping weather we're having, Bertie.""Not bad.""I see the Bank Rate is down again.""No, really?""Disturbing news from Lower Silesia, what?""Oh, dashed!"He pottered about the room for a bit, babbling at intervals. The boy seemed cuckoo."Oh, I say, Bertie!" he said suddenly, dropping a vase which he had picked off the mantelpiece and was fiddling with. "I know what it was I wanted to tell you. I'm married. By P.g. Wodehouse Hallo Bertie Turnip Bertie Disturbing

Bertie," he said, "I want your advice." "Carry on." "At least, not your advice, because that wouldn't be much good to anybody. I mean, you're a pretty consummate old [prat], aren't you? Not that I want to hurt your feelings, of course." "No, no, I see that." "What I wish you to do is put the whole thing to that fellow Jeeves of yours, and see what he suggests. By P.g. Wodehouse Bertie Advice Carry Prat Jeeves

He looked at me like Lillian Gish coming out of a swoon."Is this Bertie Wooster talking?" he said, pained."Yes, it jolly well is!""Bertie, old man," said Bingo, patting me gently here and there, "reflect! We were at school - ""Oh, all right! By P.g. Wodehouse Bertie Pained Reflect Bingo Lillian

He will lunch with you at your flat tomorrow at one-thirty. Please remember that he drinks no wine, strongly disapproves of smoking, and can only eat the simplest food, owing to an impaired digestion. Do not offer him coffee, for he considers it the root of half the nerve-trouble in the world.""I should think a dog-biscuit and a glass of water would about meet the case, what?""Bertie!""Oh, all right. Merely persiflage.""Now it is precisely that sort of idiotic remark that would be calculated to arouse Sir Roderick's worst suspicions. By P.g. Wodehouse Onethirty Lunch Flat Tomorrow Bertie

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And until tonight I had always felt that there was a lot in it. I had never scorned a woman myself, but Pongo Twistleton once scorned an aunt of his, flatly refusing to meet her son Gerald at Paddington and give him lunch and see him off to school at Waterloo, and he never heard the end of it. By P.g. Wodehouse Hell Scorned Woman Hath Fury

I did not rush in with the vim I would have displayed a year or so earlier, before Life had made me the grim, suspicious man I am to-day: By P.g. Wodehouse Life Earlier Grim Suspicious Today

Her lips were tightly glued together, her chin protruding, her whole layout that of a girl who intended to stand no rannygazoo. By P.g. Wodehouse Protruding Rannygazoo Lips Tightly Glued

They walked on in silence. Katie's heart was beating with a rapidity that forbade speech. Nothing like this very direct young man had ever happened to her before. She had grown so accustomed to regarding herself as something too insignificant and unattractive for the notice of the lordly male that she was overwhelmed. She had a vague feeling that there was a mistake somewhere. It surely could not be she who was proving so alluring to this fairy prince. The novelty of the situation frightened her. By P.g. Wodehouse Silence Walked Katie Speech Heart

I give you my word that, until I started to tramp the place with this child, I never had a notion that it was such a difficult job restoring a son to his parents. How kidnappers ever get caught is a mystery to me. I searched Marvis Bay like a bloodhound, but nobody came forward to claim the infant. You would have thought, from the lack of interest in him, that he was stopping there all by himself in a cottage of his own. By P.g. Wodehouse Child Parents Give Word Started

Oh, Jeeves,' I said; 'about that check suit.'Yes, sir?'Is it really a frost?'A trifle too bizarre, sir, in my opinion.'But lots of fellows have asked me who my tailor is.'Doubtless in order to avoid him, sir.'He's supposed to be one of the best men in London.'I am saying nothing against his moral character, sir. By P.g. Wodehouse Sir Jeeves Doubtless London Sir

She had turned away and was watching a duck out on the lake. It was tucking into weeds, a thing I've never been able to understand anyone wanting to do. Though I suppose, if you face it squarely, they're no worse than spinach. By P.g. Wodehouse Lake Turned Watching Duck Weeds

In these disturbed days in which we live, it has probably occurred to all thinking men that something drastic ought to be done about aunts. Speaking for myself, I have long felt that stones should be turned and avenues explored with a view to putting a stopper on the relatives in question. If someone were to come to me and say, 'Wooster, would you be interested in joining a society I am starting whose aim will be the suppression of aunts or at least will see to it that they are kept on a short chain and are not permitted to roam hither and thither at will, scattering desolation on all side?', I would reply, 'Wilbraham', if his name was Wilbraham, 'I am with you heart and soul. Put me down as a foundation member. By P.g. Wodehouse Wilbraham Live Disturbed Days Occurred

Apparently that dog of hers joined you in the water."Yes, that's right, he took his dip with the rest of us. But what's that got to do with it?"Wilbert Cream dived in and saved him."He could have got ashore perfectly well under his own steam. In fact, he was already on his way, doing what looked like an Australian crawl."That wouldn't occur to a pinhead like Phyllis. To her Wilbert Cream is the man who rescued her dachshund from a watery grave. So she's going to marry him."But you don't marry fellows because they rescue dachshunds."You do, if you've got a mentality like hers. By P.g. Wodehouse Wilbert Cream Apparently Water Dog

Do you ever get moods when life seems absolutely meaningless? It's like a badly-constructed story, with all sorts of characters moving in and out who have nothing to do with the plot. And when somebody comes along that you think really has something to do with the plot, he suddenly drops out. After a while you begin to wonder what the story is about, and you feel that it's about nothing - just a jumble. By P.g. Wodehouse Plot Meaningless Moods Life Absolutely

Now look here, old friend," I said. "I know your bally heart is broken and all that, and at some future time I shall be delighted to hear all about it, but - ""I didn't come to talk about that.""No? Good egg!""The past," said young Bingo, "is dead. Let us say no more about it.""Right-o!""I have been wounded to the very depths of my soul, but don't speak about it.""I won't.""Ignore it. Forget it.""Absolutely!"I hadn't seen him so dashed reasonable for days. By P.g. Wodehouse Friend Righto Bingo Absolutely Ignore

What earthly good is golf? Life is stern and life is earnest. We live in a practical age. All around us we see foreign competition making itself unpleasant. And we spend our time playing golf? What do we get out of it? Is golf any use? That's what I'm asking you. Can you name me a single case where devotion to this pestilential pastime has done a man any practical good? By P.g. Wodehouse Golf Life Earthly Good Practical

This is the age of the specialist, and years ago Rollo had settled on his career. Even as a boy, hardly capable of connected thought, he had been convinced that his speciality, the one thing he could do really well, was to inherit money. By P.g. Wodehouse Rollo Specialist Career Age Years

My Aunt Dahlia, who runs a woman's paper called Milady's Boudoir, had recently backed me into a corner and made me promise to write her a few words for her "Husbands and Brothers" page on "What the Well-Dressed Man is Wearing". I believe in encouraging aunts, when deserving; and, as there are many worse eggs than her knocking about the metrop, I had consented blithely. But I give you my honest word that if I had had the foggiest notion of what I was letting myself in for, not even a nephew's devotion would have kept me from giving her the raspberry. A deuce of a job it had been, taxing the physique to the utmost. I don't wonder now that all these author blokes have bald heads and faces like birds who have suffered. By P.g. Wodehouse Dahlia Boudoir Husbands Brothers Wearing

He was no prude, but he had those decent prejudices of which no self-respecting man can wholly rid himself, however broad-minded he may try to be. By P.g. Wodehouse Prude Decent Prejudices Selfrespecting Man

New York is an egotist. It will suffer no divided attention. "Look at me!" says the voice of the city imperiously, and its children obey. It snatches their thoughts from their inner griefs, and concentrates them on the pageant that rolls unceasingly from one end of the island to the other. One may despair in New York, but it is difficult to brood on the past; for New York is the City of the Present, the City of Things that are Going On. By P.g. Wodehouse York City Egotist Present Things

In love with me. Don't be absurd.""My dear old thing, you don't know young Bingo. He can fall in love with anybody.""Thank you!""Oh, I didn't mean it that way, you know. I don't wonder at his taking to you. Why, I was in love with you myself once.""Once? Ah! And all that remains now are the cold ashes? This isn't once of your tactful evenings, Bertie.""Well, my dear sweet thing, dash it all, considering that you gave me the bird and nearly laughed yourself into a permanent state of hiccoughs when I asked you - ""Oh, I'm not reproaching you. No doubt there were faults on both sides. He's very good-looking, isn't he?""Good-looking? Bingo? Bingo good-looking? No, I say, come now, really!""I mean, compared with some people," said Cynthia. By P.g. Wodehouse Love Goodlooking Bingo Thing Dear

To persons of spirit like ourselves the only happy marriage is that which is based on a firm foundation of almost incessant quarrelling. By P.g. Wodehouse Quarrelling Persons Spirit Happy Marriage

The blighter's manner was so cold and unchummy that I bit the bullet and had a dash at being airy."Oh, well, tra-la-la!" I said."Precisely, sir," said Jeeves. By P.g. Wodehouse Precisely Airy Sir Jeeves Blighter

There was something sort of bleak about her tone, rather as if she had swallowed an east wind. This I took to be due to the fact that she probably hadn't breakfasted. It's only after a bit of breakfast that I'm able to regard the world with that sunny cheeriness which makes a fellow the universal favourite. I'm never much of a lad till I've engulfed an egg or two and a beaker of coffee."I suppose you haven't breakfasted?""I have not yet breakfasted.""Won't you have an egg or something? Or a sausage or something? Or something?""No, thank you."She spoke as if she belonged to an anti-sausage league or a league for the suppression of eggs. There was a bit of silence. By P.g. Wodehouse Tone Wind Breakfasted Sort Bleak

I found myself wishing that Jeeves wasn't always so dashed tactful. I mean, it's all very well to remove yourself like an eel sliding into mud when the employer has a visitor, but there are moments - and it looked to me as if this was going to be one of them - when the truer tact is to stick round and stand ready to lend a hand in the free-for-all. By P.g. Wodehouse Jeeves Tactful Found Wishing Dashed

A girl who bonnets a policeman with an ashcan full of bottles is obviously good wife-and-mother timber. By P.g. Wodehouse Timber Good Girl Bonnets Policeman

She was heading for the piano, and something told me that it was her intention to sing old folk songs, a pastime to which, as I have indicated, she devoted not a little of her leisure. She was particularly given to indulgence in this nuisance when her soul had been undergoing an upheaval and required soothing, as of course it probably did at this juncture.My fears were realized. She sang two in rapid succession, and the thought that this sort of thing would be a permanent feature of our married life chilled me to the core. By P.g. Wodehouse Piano Songs Leisure Heading Told

It was a nasty look. It made me feel as if I were something the dog had brought in and intended to bury later on, when he had time. By P.g. Wodehouse Nasty Time Made Feel Dog

I could still see that Pauline was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever met, but of the ancient fire which had caused me to bung my heart at her feet that night at the Plaza there remained not a trace. Analysing this, if analyzing is the word I want, I came to the conclusion that this changed outlook was due to the fact that she was so dashed dynamic. Unquestionably an eyeful, Pauline Stoker had the grave defect of being one of those girls who want you to come and swim a mile before breakfast and rout you out when you are trying to snatch a wink of sleep after lunch for a merry five sets of tennis. By P.g. Wodehouse Plaza Pauline Met Trace Beautiful

Many bad golfers marry, feeling that a wife's loving solicitude may improve their game. But they are rugged, thick-skinned men, not sensitive and introspective. It is one of the chief merits of golf that non-success at the game induces a certain amount of decent humilty, which keeps a man from pluming himself too much on any petty triumphs he may achieve in other walks of life. By P.g. Wodehouse Marry Feeling Bad Golfers Wife

No one so dislikes being punished unjustly as the person who might have been punished justly on scores of previous occasions, if he had only been found out. By P.g. Wodehouse Occasions Punished Dislikes Unjustly Person

From my earliest years I had always wanted to be a writer. It was not that I had any particular message for humanity. I am still plugging away and not the ghost of one so far, so it begins to look as though, unless I suddenly hit mid-season form in my eighties, humanity will remain a message short. By P.g. Wodehouse Writer Earliest Years Wanted Message

Many a time in the past, when an active operator on Wall Street, he had done things ... which would have caused raised eyebrows on the fo'c'sle of a pirate sloop - and done them without a blush. By P.g. Wodehouse Street Wall Past Things Time

New York is a small place when it comes to the part of it that wakes up just as the rest is going to bed. By P.g. Wodehouse York Bed Small Place Part

Moment blighted Harold discovered that training meant knocking off pastry, taking exercise, and keeping away from the cigarettes, he was all against it, and it was only by unceasing vigilance that we managed to keep him in any shape at all. By P.g. Wodehouse Harold Moment Pastry Taking Exercise

My motto is 'Love and let love' - with the one stipulation that people who love in glass-houses should breathe on the windows. By P.g. Wodehouse Love Windows Motto Stipulation People

The hotel which had had the bad luck to draw Aunt Agatha's custom was the Splendide, and by the time I got there there wasn't a member of the staff who didn't seem to be feeling it deeply. I sympathized with them. I've had experience of Aunt Agatha at hotels before. Of course, the real rough work was all over when I arrived, but I could tell by the way everyone grovelled before her that she had started by having her first room changed because it hadn't a southern exposure and her next because it had a creaking wardrobe and that she had said her say on the subject of the cooking, the waiting, the chambermaiding and everything else, with perfect freedom and candour. She had got the whole gang nicely under control by now. The manager, a whiskered cove who looked like a bandit, simply tied himself into knots whenever she looked at him. By P.g. Wodehouse Splendide Aunt Agatha Deeply Bad

Some girls are like ants in your pants By P.g. Wodehouse Pants Girls Ants

I'm not much of a ladies' man, but on this particular morning it seemed to me that what I really wanted was some charming girl to buzz up and ask me to save her from assassins or something. So that it was a bit of an anti-climax when I merely ran into young Bingo Little, looking perfectly foul in a crimson satin tie decorated with horseshoes. By P.g. Wodehouse Man Ladies Morning Wanted Charming

Whenever I get that sad, depressed feeling, I go out and kill a policeman. By P.g. Wodehouse Sad Depressed Feeling Policeman Kill

He couldn't have moved quicker if he had been the dachshund Poppet, who at this juncture was running round in circles, trying, if I read his thoughts aright, to work off the rather heavy lunch he had had earlier in the afternoon. By P.g. Wodehouse Poppet Circles Aright Afternoon Moved

When Nature makes a chump like dear old Bobbie, she's proud of him, and doesn't want her handiwork disturbed. She gives him a sort of natural armour to protect him against outside interference. And that armour is shortness of memory. Shortness of memory keeps a man a chump, when, but for it, he might cease to be one. By P.g. Wodehouse Bobbie Nature Disturbed Makes Dear

Excuse me, I must go and putt By P.g. Wodehouse Excuse Putt

The last few minutes of waiting in a cupboard are always the hardest. By P.g. Wodehouse Hardest Minutes Waiting Cupboard

Reflect, old man! We have been pals for years. Your mother likes me.""No, she doesn't.""Well, anyway, we were at school together and you owe me a tenner.""Oh, well," he said in a resigned sort of voice. By P.g. Wodehouse Reflect Man Years Tenner Voice

He returned with the tissue-restorer. I loosed it down the hatch, and after undergoing the passing discomfort, unavoidable when you drink Jeeves's patent morning revivers, of having the top of the skull fly up to the ceiling and the eyes shoot out of their sockets and rebound from the opposite wall like racquet balls, felt better. It By P.g. Wodehouse Tissuerestorer Returned Jeeves Hatch Discomfort

But the southwest wind of Spring brings also remorse. We catch the vague spirit of unrest in the air and we regret our misspent youth. By P.g. Wodehouse Spring Remorse Southwest Wind Brings

A man who can set out in a cab for a fancy-dress ball and not get there is manifestly a poop of no common order. By P.g. Wodehouse Order Man Set Cab Fancydress

It would take more than long-stemmed roses to change my view that you're a despicable cowardy custard and a disgrace to a proud family. Your ancestors fought in the Crusades and were often mentioned in despatches, and you cringe like a salted snail at the thought of appearing as Santa Claus before an audience of charming children who wouldn't hurt a fly. It's enough to make an aunt turn her face to the wall and give up the struggle. By P.g. Wodehouse Family Longstemmed Roses Change View

It go at that, I should be obtaining the reader's interest under false pretences. He was really only a sort of detective, a species of sleuth. At Stafford's International Investigation Bureau, in the Strand, where he was employed, they did not require By P.g. Wodehouse Pretences Obtaining Reader Interest False

I don't suppose that anything you say or anything I say will make the slightest damn bit of difference. You need dynamite to dislodge an idea that has got itself firmly rooted in the public mind. By P.g. Wodehouse Difference Suppose Make Slightest Damn

I appear inadvertently to have caused much trouble, sir.""Jeeves!" I said."Sir?""How much money is there on the dressing-table?""In addition to the ten-pound note which you instructed me to take, sir, there are two five-pound notes, three one-pounds, a ten-shillings, two half-crowns, a florin, four shillings, a sixpence, and a halfpenny, sir.""Collar it all," I said. "You've earned it. By P.g. Wodehouse Jeeves Sir Sir Trouble Inadvertently

Mr Wooster, I am not ashamed to say that the tears came into my eyes as I listened to them. It amazes me that a man as young as you can have been able to plumb human nature so surely to its depths; to play with so unerring a hand on the quivering heart-strings of your reader; to write novels so true, so human, so moving, so vital!""Oh, it's just a knack," I said. By P.g. Wodehouse Wooster Ashamed Tears Eyes Listened

You would be miserable if you had to go through life with a human doormat with 'Welcome' written on him. You want some one made of sterner stuff. You want, as it were, a sparring-partner, some one with whom you can quarrel happily with the certain knowledge that he will not curl up in a ball for you to kick, but will be there with the return wallop. By P.g. Wodehouse Written Miserable Life Human Doormat

Jeeves," I said, "those spats.""Yes, sir?""You really dislike them?""Intensely, sir.""You don't think time might induce you to change your views?""No, sir.""All right, then. Very well. Say no more. You may burn them.""Thank you very much, sir. I have already done so. Before breakfast this morning. A quiet grey is far more suitable, sir. Thank you, sir. By P.g. Wodehouse Sir Sir Intensely Jeeves Spats

Science, with a thousand triumphs to her credit, has not yet succeeded in discovering the correct reply for a young man to make who finds himself in the appalling position of being apologized to by a pretty girl. By P.g. Wodehouse Science Credit Girl Thousand Triumphs

She paused, and heaved a sigh that seemed to come straight up from the cami-knickers. A silence ensued. By P.g. Wodehouse Paused Camiknickers Heaved Sigh Straight

Had his brain been constructed of silk, he would have been hard put to it to find sufficient material to make a canary a pair of cami-knickers. By P.g. Wodehouse Silk Camiknickers Brain Constructed Hard

How anybody can compose a story by word of mouth face to face with a bored-looking secretary with a notebook is more than I can imagine. Yet many authors think nothing of saying, 'Ready, Miss Spelvin? Take dictation. Quote no comma Sir Jasper Murgatroyd comma close quotes comma said no better make it hissed Evangeline comma quote I would not marry you if you were the last person on earth period close quotes Quote well comma I'm not so the point does not arise comma close quotes replied Sir Jasper twirling his moustache cynically period And so the long day wore on period End of chapter.'If I had to do that sort of thing I should be feeling all the time that the girl was saying to herself as she took it down, 'Well comma this beats me period How comma with homes for the feebleminded touting for custom on every side comma has a man like this succeeded in remaining at large mark of interrogation. By P.g. Wodehouse Comma Face Period Sir Jasper

After all, golf is only a game,' said Millicent. Women say these things without thinking. It does not mean that there is any kink in their character. They simply don't realise what they're saying. By P.g. Wodehouse Millicent Golf Game Women Thinking

Lord Emsworth could conceive of no way in which Freddie could be of value to a dog-biscuit firm, except possibly as a taster. By P.g. Wodehouse Emsworth Freddie Lord Firm Taster

Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his head first, and if it rings solid, don't hesitate. All the unhappy marriages come from husbands having brains. What good are brains to a man? They only unsettle him. By P.g. Wodehouse Sally Make Husbands Brains Marry

Well, all right. Something in what you say, I suppose. Consider you treacherous worm and contemptible, spineless cowardly custard, but have booked Spink-Bottle. Stay where you are, then, and I hope you get run over by an omnibus. Love. Travers By P.g. Wodehouse Suppose Love Travers Contemptible Spineless

Normally he was fond of most things. He was a good-natured and cheerful young man, who liked life and the great majority of those who lived it contemporaneously with himself. He had no enemies and many friends.But today he had noticed from the moment he had got out of bed that something was amiss with the world. Either he was in the grip of some divine discontent due to the highly developed condition of his soul, or else he had a grouch. One of the two. By P.g. Wodehouse Things Fond Man Goodnatured Cheerful

A roll and butter and a small coffee seemed the only things on the list that hadn't been specially prepared by the nastier-minded members of the Borgia family for people they had a particular grudge against, so I chose them. By P.g. Wodehouse Borgia Roll Butter Small Coffee

Ah, well,' I said resignedly, 'if that's that, that's that, what?' 'So it would appear, sir.' 'Nothing to do but keep the chin up and the upper lip as stiff as can be managed. I think I'll go to bed with an improving book. Have you read The Mystery of the Pink Crayfish by Rex West? By P.g. Wodehouse Resignedly Sir West Mystery Pink

But I say, really, you know, I am an old friend of the family. Why, by Jove, now I remember, there's a photograph of me in the drawing-room. Well, I mean, that shows you!""If there is," said the policeman."I've never seen it," said the parlourmaid.I absolutely hated this girl."You would have seen it if you had done your dusting more conscientiously," I said severely. And I meant it to sting, by Jove!"It is not a parlourmaid's place to dust the drawing-room," she sniffed haughtily."No," I said bitterly. "It seems to be a parlourmaid's place to lurk about and hang about and - er - waste her time fooling about in the garden with policemen who ought to be busy about their duties elsewhere.""It's a parlourmaid's place to open the front door to visitors. Them that don't come in through windows."I perceived that I was getting the loser's end of the thing. By P.g. Wodehouse Jove Parlourmaid Place Family Drawingroom

You see, the catch about portrait paintingI've looked into the thing a bit - is that you can't startpainting portraits till people come along and ask you to, andthey won't come and ask you to until you've painted a lot first.This makes it kind of difficult for a chappie. By P.g. Wodehouse Bit Andthey Chappie Catch Paintingi

The test of a great golfer is his ability to recover from a bad start. By P.g. Wodehouse Start Test Great Golfer Ability

I turned on the pillow with a little moan, and at this juncture Jeeves entered with the vital oolong. I clutched at it like a drowning man at a straw hat. By P.g. Wodehouse Jeeves Moan Oolong Turned Pillow

Into the face of the young man who sat on the terrace of the Hotel Magnifique at Cannes there had crept a look of furtive shame, the shifty hangdog look which announces that an Englishman is about to speak French. By P.g. Wodehouse French Hotel Magnifique Cannes Englishman

All political meetings are very much alike. Somebody gets up and introduces the speaker of the evening, and then the speaker of the evening says at great length what he thinks of the scandalous manner in which the Government is behaving or the iniquitous goings-on of the Opposition. From time to time confederates in the audience rise and ask carefully rehearsed questions, and are answered fully and satisfactorily by the orator. When a genuine heckler interrupts, the orator either ignores him, or says haughtily that he can find him arguments but cannot find him brains. Or, occasionally, when the question is an easy one, he answers it. A quietly conducted political meeting is one of England's most delightful indoor games. When the meeting is rowdy, the audience has more fun, but the speaker a good deal less. By P.g. Wodehouse Speaker Alike Evening Opposition Political

She was definitely the sort of girl who puts her hands over a husband's eyes, as he is crawling in to breakfast with a morning head, and says Guess who! By P.g. Wodehouse Guess Eyes Head Sort Girl

I flung open the door. I got a momentary flash of about a hundred and fifteen cats of all sizes and colours scrapping in the middle of the room, and then they all shot past me with a rush and out of the front door; and all that was left of the mobscene was the head of a whacking big fish, lying on the carpet and staring up at me in a rather austere sort of way, as if it wanted a written explanation and apology. By P.g. Wodehouse Door Flung Open Room Fish

To say that the farmer laughed would be to express the matter feebly. That his young opponent, who had been irritating him unspeakably since the beginning of the game with advice and criticism, should have done exactly what he had cautioned him, the farmer, against a moment before, struck him as being the finest example of poetic justice he had ever heard of, and he signalized his appreciation of the same by nearly dying of apoplexy. By P.g. Wodehouse Farmer Feebly Laughed Express Matter

I'm much too much the popular pet ever since I sang 'Every Nice Girl Loves A Sailor' at the village concert last year. I had them rolling in the aisles. Three encores, and so many bows that I got a crick in the back.""Spare me the tale of your excesses," I said distantly."I wore a sailor suit.""Please," I said, revolted. By P.g. Wodehouse Nice Girl Loves Sailor Sang

Would you say my head was like a pumpkin, Wooster?' 'Not a bit, old man.' 'Not like a pumpkin?' 'No, not like a pumpkin. A touch of the dome of St Paul's, perhaps. By P.g. Wodehouse Wooster Pumpkin Head Paul Bit

How would this do you, Bingo?" I said at length. "A few plovers' eggs to weigh in with, a cup of soup, a touch of cold salmon, some cold curry, and a splash of gooseberry tart and cream with a bite of cheese to finish?"I don't know that I had expected the man actually to scream with delight, though I had picked the items from my knowledge of his pet dishes, but I had expected him to say something. By P.g. Wodehouse Bingo Expected Cold Length Soup

Well, why do you want a political career? Have you ever been in the House of Commons and taken a good square look at the inmates? As weird a gaggle of freaks and sub-humans as was ever collected in one spot. By P.g. Wodehouse Career Political House Commons Inmates

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number. By P.g. Wodehouse Love Number Voice Call Wrong

I was endeavouring to adjust the faculties, which were in urgent need of a bit of first-aid treatment. By P.g. Wodehouse Faculties Treatment Endeavouring Adjust Urgent

There is, of course, this to be said for the Omnibus Book in general and this one in particular. When you buy it, you have got something. The bulk of this volume makes it almost the ideal paper-weight. The number of its pages assures its posessor of plenty of shaving paper on his vacation. Place upon the waistline and jerked up and down each morning, it will reduce embonpoint and strengthen the abdominal muscles. And those still at their public school will find that between, say, Caesar's Commentaries in limp cloth and this Jeeves book there is no comparison as a missile in an inter-study brawl. By P.g. Wodehouse Omnibus General Book Caesar Commentaries

Why has the car stopped?""Ah!" I said with manly frankness that became me well. "There you have me."You see, I'm one of those birds who drive a lot but don't know the first thing about the works. The policy I pursue is to get aboard, prod the self-starter, and leave the rest to Nature. If anything goes wrong, I scream for an A.A. scout. It's a system that answers admirably as a rule, but on the present occasion it blew a fuse owing to the fact that there wasn't an A.A. scout within miles. By P.g. Wodehouse Stopped Car Scout Nature Manly

Statisticians estimate that crime among good golfers is lower than in any class of the community except possibly bishops. By P.g. Wodehouse Statisticians Bishops Estimate Crime Good

Ask the first lion cub you meet, and it will tell you that, once you've tasted blood, there is no pulling up, and it's the same with opening telegrams. By P.g. Wodehouse Meet Blood Telegrams Lion Cub

It was loud in spots and less loud in other spots, and it had that quality which I have noticed in all violin solos of seeming to last much longer than it actually did. By P.g. Wodehouse Loud Spots Quality Noticed Violin

I remember her telling me once that rabbits were the gnomes in attendance to the Fairy Queen and that the stars were God's daisy chain. Perfect rot, of course. By P.g. Wodehouse Fairy Queen God Chain Remember

But those who read thrillers are an impatient race. They chafe at scenic rhapsodies and want to get on to the rough stuff. By P.g. Wodehouse Race Read Thrillers Impatient Stuff

He was white and shaken, like a dry martini. By P.g. Wodehouse Shaken Martini White Dry

In private life, Lottie Blossom tended to substitute for wistfulness and pathos a sort of "Passed-For-Adults-Only" joviality which expressed itself outwardly in a brilliant and challenging smile, and inwardly and spiritually in her practice of keeping alligators in wickerwork baskets and asking unsuspecting strangers to lift the lid. By P.g. Wodehouse Lottie Blossom Life Joviality Smile

It looked something like a pen wiper and something like a piece of hearth-rug. A second and keener inspection revealed it as a Pekinese puppy. By P.g. Wodehouse Hearthrug Looked Pen Wiper Piece

You go away and have a nice cup of hot tea,' said the agent, soothingly, 'and you'll be as right as anything in the morning. By P.g. Wodehouse Soothingly Tea Agent Morning Nice

She ignored my observation. This generally happens with me. Show me a woman, I sometimes say, and I will show you someone who is going to ignore my observations. By P.g. Wodehouse Observation Show Woman Generally Ignore

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. By P.g. Wodehouse Gun Fascination Shooting Sport Depends

Have you ever seen a man, woman, or child who wasn't eating an egg or just going to eat an egg or just coming away from eating an egg? I tell you, the good old egg is the foundation of daily life. Stop the first man you meet in the street and ask him which he'd sooner lose, his egg or his wife, and see what he says! By P.g. Wodehouse Egg Eating Woman Child Eat

I'm all for rational enjoyment, and so forth, but I think a fellow makes himself conspicuous when he throws soft-boiled eggs at the electric fan By P.g. Wodehouse Enjoyment Fan Rational Fellow Makes

You see, I had decided - rightly or wrongly - to grow a moustache, and this had cut Jeeves to the quick. He couldn't stick the thing at any price, and I had been living ever since in an atmosphere of bally disapproval till I was getting jolly well fed up with it. What I mean is, while there's no doubt that in certain matters of dress Jeeves's judgment is absolutely sound and should be followed, it seemed to me that it was getting a bit too thick if he was going to edit my face as well as my costume. No one can call me an unreasonable chappie, and many's the time I've given in like a lamb when Jeeves has voted against one of my pet suits or ties; but when it comes to a valet's staking out a claim on your upper lip you've simply got to have a bit of the good old bulldog pluck and defy the blighter. By P.g. Wodehouse Jeeves Decided Rightly Wrongly Moustache

He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and forgotten to say 'when'! By P.g. Wodehouse Tubby Chap Looked Poured Clothes

To say that New York came up to its advance billing would be the baldest of understatements. Being there was like being in heaven without going to all the bother and expense of dying. By P.g. Wodehouse York Understatements Advance Billing Baldest

I had staked all on Gussie making a favourable impression on his hostess, basing my confidence on the fact that he was one of those timid, obsequious, teacup-passing, thin-bread- and-butter-offering, yes-men whom women of my Aunt Dahlia's type nearly always like at first sight. By P.g. Wodehouse Obsequious Teacuppassing Thinbread Gussie Aunt

They pointed out that the friendship between the two artistes had always been a by-word or whatever you called it. A well-read Egg summed it up by saying they were like Thingummy and what's-his-name By P.g. Wodehouse Pointed Friendship Artistes Byword Called

Mother always used to say, 'If you want to succeed in life, please the women. They are the real bosses. The men don't count. By P.g. Wodehouse Mother Life Women Succeed Bosses

This is peculiarly an age in which each of us may, if he do but search diligently, find the literature suited to his mental powers. By P.g. Wodehouse Diligently Find Powers Peculiarly Age

A little," panted Mrs. Peagrim, who, though she danced often and vigorously, was never in the best of condition, owing to her habit of neutralizing the beneficent effects of exercise by surreptitious candy-eating. "I'm a little out of breath. By P.g. Wodehouse Peagrim Mrs Panted Vigorously Condition

Who was that lad they used to try to make me read at Oxford? Ship- Shop- Schopenhauer. That's the name. A grouch of the most pronounced description. By P.g. Wodehouse Oxford Shop Schopenhauer Ship Lad

Those who know Bertram Wooster best are aware that he is a man of sudden, strong enthusiasms and that, when in the grip of one of these, he becomes a remorseless machine - tense, absorbed, single-minded. By P.g. Wodehouse Tense Absorbed Singleminded Bertram Wooster

It is no use telling me there are bad aunts and good aunts. At the core, they are all alike. Sooner or later, out pops the cloven hoof. By P.g. Wodehouse Aunts Telling Bad Good Core

There is her sty,' he said, pointing a reverent finger as they crossed the little meadow dappled with buttercups and daisies. 'And that is my pigman Wellbeloved standing by it.' Myra By P.g. Wodehouse Sty Pointing Daisies Reverent Finger

Now, I am a mixer. I can't help it. It's my nature. I like men. I like the taste of their shoes, the smell of their legs, the sound of their voices. It may be weak of me, but a man has only to speak to me, and a sort of thrill goes down my spine and sets my tail wagging. By P.g. Wodehouse Mixer Nature Men Shoes Legs

The allowance vanished absolutely; and in its place there came into being an arrangement. By this, his lordship was to have whatever money he wished, but he must ask for it, and state why it was needed. If the request were reasonable, the cash would be forthcoming; if preposterous, it would not. The flaw in the scheme, from his lordship's point of view, was the difference of opinion that can exist in the minds of two men as to what the words reasonable and preposterous may be taken to mean. Twenty pounds, for instance, would, in the lexicon of Sir Thomas Blunt, be perfectly reasonable for the current expenses of a man engaged to Molly McEachern, but preposterous for one to whom she had declined to remain engaged. It is these subtle shades of meaning that make the English language so full of pitfalls for the foreigner. By P.g. Wodehouse Reasonable Preposterous Absolutely Arrangement Allowance

The only thing that prevented a father's love from faltering was the fact that there was in his possession a photograph of himself at the same early age, in which he, too, looked like a homicidal fried egg. By P.g. Wodehouse Age Looked Egg Thing Prevented

You can't go by what a girl says, when she's giving you the devil for making a chump of yourself. It's like Shakespeare. Sounds well, but doesn't mean anything. By P.g. Wodehouse Shakespeare Girl Giving Devil Making

Furthermore, as is the case with so many of the younger literati, he dresses like a tramp cyclist, affecting turtleneck sweaters and grey flannel bags with a patch on the knee and conveying a sort of general suggestion of having been left out in the rain overnight in an ash can. By P.g. Wodehouse Literati Cyclist Affecting Case Younger

She was, in short, melted by his distress, as so often happens with the female sex. Poets have frequently commented on this. You are probably familiar with the one who said, Oh, woman in our hours of ease tum tumty tiddly something please, when something something something brow, a something something something thou. By P.g. Wodehouse Short Melted Distress Sex Female

Poets, as a class, are business men. Shakespeare describes the poet's eye as rolling in a fine frenzy from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven, and giving to airy nothing a local habitation and a name, but in practice you will find that one corner of that eye is generally glued on the royalty returns. By P.g. Wodehouse Class Men Business Eye Heaven

I did pick up a few tolerably ripe and breezy expressions out in France. All through my military career there was something about me - some subtle magnetism, don't you know, and that sort of thing - that seemed to make Colonels and blighters of that sort rather inventive. I sort of inspired them, don't you know. By P.g. Wodehouse France Sort Pick Tolerably Ripe

...Cupid, who never shoots with a surer aim than through the steam of boarding-house hash, sniped him where he sat. By P.g. Wodehouse Cupid Hash Sniped Sat Shoots

Sir? said Jeeves, kind of manifesting himself. One of the rummy things about Jeeves is that, unless you watch like a hawk, you very seldom see him come into a room. He's like one of those weird chappies in India who dissolve themselves into thin air and nip through space in a sort of disembodied way and assemble the parts again just where they want them. I've got a cousin who's what they call a Theosophist, and he says he's often nearly worked the thing himself, but couldn't quite bring it off, probably owing to having fed in his boyhood on the flesh of animals slain in anger and pie. By P.g. Wodehouse Sir Jeeves Theosophist India Kind

If girls realized their responsibilities they would be so careful when they smiled that they would probably abandon the practice altogether. There are moments in a man's life when a girl's smile can have as important results as an explosion of dynamite. By P.g. Wodehouse Altogether Realized Responsibilities Careful Smiled

You probably think that being a guest in your aunt's house I would hesitate to butter you all over the front lawn and dance on the fragments in hobnailed boots, but you are mistaken. It would be a genuine pleasure. By an odd coincidence I brought a pair of hobnailed boots with me!' So saying, and recognising a good exit line when he saw one, he strode out, and after an interval of tense meditation I followed him. (Spode to Wooster) By P.g. Wodehouse Mistaken Hobnailed Boots Guest Aunt

The medicine-man, having given him the once-over, had ordered him to abstain from all alcoholic liquids, and in addition to tool down the hill to the Royal Pump-Room each morning at eight-thirty and imbibe twelve ounces of warm crescent saline and magnesia. It doesn't sound much, put that way, but I gather from contemporary accounts that it's practically equivalent to getting outside a couple of little old last year's eggs beaten up in sea-water. And the thought of Uncle George, who had oppressed me sorely in my childhood, sucking down that stuff and having to hop out of bed at eight-fifteen to do so was extremely grateful and comforting of a morning.At four in the afternoon he would toddle down the hill again and repeat the process, and at night we would dine together and I would loll back in my chair, sipping my wine, and listen to him telling me what the stuff had tasted like. In many ways the ideal existence. By P.g. Wodehouse Royal Medicineman Onceover Liquids Magnesia

Mr. Carlisle became brisk. "Baby," he said, as Napoleon might have said to one of his Marshals when instructing him in his latest plan of campaign ... By P.g. Wodehouse Carlisle Baby Brisk Napoleon Marshals

The proprietor of the grocery store on the corner was bidding a silent farewell to a tomato which even he, though a dauntless optimist, had been compelled to recognize as having outlived its utility. By P.g. Wodehouse Optimist Utility Proprietor Grocery Store

It is fatal to let any dog know that he is funny, for he immediately loses his head and starts hamming it up. By P.g. Wodehouse Funny Fatal Dog Immediately Loses

In the spring, Jeeves, a livelier iris gleams upon the burnished dove.""So I have been informed, sir.""Right ho! Then bring me my whangee, my yellowest shoes, and the old green Homburg. I'm going into the Park to do pastoral dances. By P.g. Wodehouse Jeeves Sir Spring Dove Informed

She looked like a tomato struggling for self-expression. By P.g. Wodehouse Selfexpression Looked Tomato Struggling

More and more, it was beginning to be borne in upon me what a particularly difficult chap Gussie was to help. He seemed to so marked an extent to lack snap and finish. With infinite toil, you manoeuvred him into a position where all he had to do was charge ahead, and he didn't charge ahead, but went off sideways, missing the objective completely. By P.g. Wodehouse Gussie Ahead Beginning Borne Difficult

The fact that pigs were abroad in the night seemed to bring home to me the perilous nature of my enterprise. By P.g. Wodehouse Enterprise Fact Pigs Abroad Night

She threw in the last suggestion entirely in a sporting spirit. She loved battle, and she had a feeling that this one was going to finish far too quickly. To prolong it, she gave him this opening. There were a dozen ways in which he might answer, each more insulting than the last; and then, when he had finished, she could begin again. These little encounters, she held, sharpened the wits, stimulated the circulation, and kept one out in the open air.- The Romance of an Ugly Policeman By P.g. Wodehouse Spirit Threw Suggestion Sporting Battle

It sometimes seems to me that in this life we've all got to have trouble sooner or later, and some of us gets it bit by bit, spread out thin, so to speak, and a few of us gets it in a lump - biff! By P.g. Wodehouse Biff Bit Spread Thin Speak

Aunt Agatha's demeanor now was rather like that of one who, picking daisies on the railway, has just caught the down express in the small of the back. By P.g. Wodehouse Agatha Aunt Picking Railway Back

It is not mere technical skill that makes a man a golfer, it is the golfing soul. By P.g. Wodehouse Golfer Soul Mere Technical Skill

Judge of my chagrin and all that sort of thing, therefore, when, tottering to my room and switching on the light, I observed the foul features of young Bingo all over the pillow. By P.g. Wodehouse Bingo Judge Thing Tottering Light

Tell him my future is in his hands and that, if the wedding bells ring out, he can rely on me, even unto half my kingdom. Well, call it ten quid. Jeeves would exert himself with ten quid on the horizon, what? By P.g. Wodehouse Kingdom Future Hands Wedding Bells

I mean, when you've got used to a club where everything's nice and cheery, and where, if you want to attract a chappie's attention, you heave a piece of bread at him, it kind of damps you to come to a place where the youngest member is about eighty-seven and it isn't considered good form to talk to anyone unless you and he went through the Peninsular War together. By P.g. Wodehouse Peninsular War Cheery Attention Club

A ripe suggestion," I said. "Where are you meeting her? At the Ritz?""Near the Ritz."He was geographically accurate. About fifty yards east of the Ritz there is one of those blighted tea-and-bun shops you see dotted about all over London and into this, if you'll believe me, young Bingo dived like a homing rabbit; and before I had time to say a word we were wedged in at a table, on the brink of a silent pool of coffee left there by an early luncher. By P.g. Wodehouse Suggestion Ritz Ripe Ritz London

She said I would find Oswald out in the grounds, and such is a mother's love that she spoke as if that were a bit of a boost for the grounds and an inducement to go there. By P.g. Wodehouse Grounds Oswald Find Mother Love

The scheme had been, if I remember, that after lunch I should go off and caddy for Honoria on a shopping tour down Regent Street; but when she got up and started collecting me and the rest of her things, Aunt Agatha stopped her. By P.g. Wodehouse Street Aunt Honoria Regent Agatha

I merely called for my hat and stick in a marked manner and legged it. But the memory rankled, if you know what I mean. We Woosters do not lightly forget. At least, we do - some things - appointments, and people's birthdays, and letters to post, and all that - but not an absolute bally insult like the above. I brooded like the dickens. By P.g. Wodehouse Called Hat Stick Marked Manner

Sheh walks in beauty like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies; and all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes. Another bit of bread and cheese, he said to the lad behind the bar. By P.g. Wodehouse Sheh Skies Eyes Walks Beauty

I left him thinking it over. If I were a bookie, I should feel justified in offering a hundred to eight against.""You can't have approached him properly. I might have known you would muck it up," said young Bingo. Which, considering what I had been through for his sake, struck me as a good bit sharper than the serpent's tooth. By P.g. Wodehouse Left Thinking Bingo Bookie Against

Jeeves.""Sir?""Are you busy just now?""No, sir.""I mean, not doing anything in particular?""No, sir. It is my practice at this hour to read some improving book; but, if you desire my services, this can easily be postponed, or, indeed, abandoned altogether. By P.g. Wodehouse Sir Jeeves Sir Busy Book

What are you giving us?""Cold consomme, a cutlet, and a savoury, sir. With lemon-squash, iced.""Well, I don't see how that can hurt him. Don't go getting carried away by the excitement of the thing and start bringing in coffee. By P.g. Wodehouse Sir Cold Consomme Cutlet Savoury

We run to height a bit in our family, and there's about five-foot-nine of Aunt Agatha, topped off with a beaky nose, an eagle eye, and a lot of grey hair, and the general effect is pretty formidable. Anyway, it never even occurred to me for a moment to give her the miss-in-baulk on this occasion. If she said I must go to Roville, it was all over except buying the tickets. By P.g. Wodehouse Agatha Aunt Family Topped Nose

The man was goggling. His entire map was suffused with a rich blush. He looked like the Soul's Awakening done in pink. By P.g. Wodehouse Goggling Man Blush Soul Awakening

Betting!" he gargled. "Betting! You don't mean that they're betting on this holy, sacred - Oh, I say, dash it all! Haven't people any sense of decency and reverence? Is nothing safe from their beastly, sordid graspingness? I wonder," said young Bingo thoughtfully, "if there's a chance of my getting any of that seven-to-one money? Seven to one! What a price! Who's offering it, do you know? Oh, well, I suppose it wouldn't do. No, I suppose it wouldn't be quite the thing. By P.g. Wodehouse Betting Gargled Suppose Sacred Bingo

Some slight friction threatening in the Balkans, sir. By P.g. Wodehouse Sir Balkans Slight Friction Threatening

Bar a weekly wrestle with the "Pink 'Un" and an occasional dip into the form book I'm not much of a lad for reading, and my sufferings as I tackled The Woman (curse her!) Who Braved All were pretty fearful. By P.g. Wodehouse Pink Woman Bar Reading Curse

Mr Wingham has the advantage of being on the premises. He and the young lady play duets after dinner, which acts as a bond. Mr Little on these occasions, I understand, prowls about in the road, chafing visibly. By P.g. Wodehouse Wingham Premises Advantage Dinner Bond

At that moment the gong sounded, and the genial host came tumbling downstairs like the delivery of a ton of coals. By P.g. Wodehouse Sounded Coals Moment Gong Genial

There's no getting away from the fact that, if ever a man required watching, it's Steggles. Machiavelli could have taken his correspondence course. By P.g. Wodehouse Steggles Watching Fact Man Required

Are there any books of that sort nowadays? The only ones I ever see mentioned in the papers are about married couples who find life grey, and can't stick each other at any price. By P.g. Wodehouse Nowadays Books Sort Grey Price

Take it for all in all, a representative gathering of Twing life and thought. The Nibs were whispering in a pleased manner to each other, the Lower Middles were sitting up very straight, as if they'd been bleached, and the Tough Eggs whiled away the time by cracking nuts and exchanging low rustic wheezes. By P.g. Wodehouse Twing Thought Representative Gathering Life

My late Uncle Henry, you see, was by way of being the blot on the Wooster escutcheon. An extremely decent chappie personally, and one who had always endeared himself to me by tipping me with considerable lavishness when I was at school; but there's no doubt he did at times do rather rummy things, notably keeping eleven pet rabbits in his bedroom; and I suppose a purist might have considered him more or less off his onion. In fact, to be perfectly frank, he wound up his career, happy to the last and completely surrounded by rabbits, in some sort of a home. By P.g. Wodehouse Henry Uncle Wooster Escutcheon Late

A golfer needs a loving wife to whom he can describe the day's play through the long evening. By P.g. Wodehouse Evening Golfer Loving Wife Describe

Woman is the unfathomable, incalculable mystery, the problem that we men can never hope to solve. By P.g. Wodehouse Woman Unfathomable Incalculable Mystery Solve

For a time the broken heart, and then suddenly the healing conviction that one is jolly well out of it. By P.g. Wodehouse Heart Time Broken Suddenly Healing

I remained motionless, like a ventriloquist's dummy whose ventriloquist has gone off to the local and left it sitting. By P.g. Wodehouse Motionless Sitting Ventriloquist Remained Dummy

We do not tell old friends beneath our roof-tree that they are an offence to the eyesight. By P.g. Wodehouse Eyesight Friends Beneath Rooftree Offence

[He] saw that a peculiar expression had come into his nephew's face; an expression a little like that of a young hindu fakir who having settled himself on his first bed of spikes is beginning to wish that he had chosen one of the easier religions. By P.g. Wodehouse Expression Face Religions Peculiar Nephew

Mac had many admirable qualities, but not tact. He was the sort of man who would have tried to cheer Napoleon up by talking about the Winter Sports at Moscow. By P.g. Wodehouse Mac Qualities Tact Moscow Admirable

She had a laugh like a squadron of cavalry charging over a tin bridge. By P.g. Wodehouse Bridge Laugh Squadron Cavalry Charging

She came leaping towards me, like Lady Macbeth coming to get first-hand news from the guest-room. By P.g. Wodehouse Lady Macbeth Guestroom Leaping Coming

I am familiar with the name Bassington-Bassington, sir. There are three branches of the Bassington-Bassington family - the Shropshire Bassington-Bassingtons, the Hampshire Bassington-Bassingtons, and the Kent Bassington-Bassingtons.""England seems pretty well stocked up with Bassington-Bassingtons.""Tolerably so, sir.""No chance of a sudden shortage, I mean, what?""Presumably not, sir.""And what sort of a specimen is this one?""I could not say, sir, on such short acquaintance.""Will you give me a sporting two to one, Jeeves, judging from what you have seen of him, that this chappie is not a blighter or an excrescence?""No, sir. I should not care to venture such liberal odds. By P.g. Wodehouse Sir Sir Jeeves Familiar Bassingtonbassington

There is nothing that so satisfactorily unites individuals who have been so unfortunate as to quarrel amongst themselves as a strong mutual dislike for some definite person. By P.g. Wodehouse Person Satisfactorily Unites Individuals Unfortunate

Just as you say, sir. There is a letter on the tray, sir.""By Jove, Jeeves, that was practically potry. Rhymed, did you notice? By P.g. Wodehouse Sir Jeeves Sir Jove Rhymed

The first intimation I had that things were about to hot up was a pained and disapproving cough from the neighbourhood of the carpet. By P.g. Wodehouse Carpet Intimation Things Hot Pained

Young Reggie Foljambe to my certain knowledge offered him double what I was giving him, and Alistair Bingham-Reeves, who's got a valet who had been known to press his trousers sideways, used to look at him, when he came to see me, with a kind of glittering, hungry eye which disturbed me deucedly. Bally pirates! By P.g. Wodehouse Reggie Foljambe Alistair Young Binghamreeves

At eight o'clock he fell asleep in a chair; and, having undressed him by unbuttoning every button in sight and, where there were no buttons, pulling till something gave, we carried him up to bed.Freddie stood looking at the pile of clothes on the floor with a sort of careworn wrinkle between his eyes, and I knew what he was thinking. To get the kid undressed had been simple - a mere matter of muscle. But how were we to get him into his clothes again? I stirred the heap with my foot. There was a long linen arrangement which might have been anything. Also a strip of pink flannel which was like nothing on earth. All most unpleasant. By P.g. Wodehouse Chair Pulling Gave Eyes Thinking

His brow was sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought and his air that of a man who, if he had said 'Hullo, girls', would have said it like someone in a Russian drama announcing that Grandpapa had hanged himself in the barn. By P.g. Wodehouse Hullo Girls Russian Grandpapa Barn

I believe, if you played your cards right, you could still marry her, Pongo.' 'Aren't you overlooking the trifling fact that I happen to be engaged to Hermione?' 'Slide out of it.' 'Ha!' 'It is what your best friends would advise. You are a moody, introspective young man, all too prone to look on the dark side of things. I shall never forget you that day at the dog races. Sombre is the only word to describe your attitude as the cop's fingers closed on your coat collar. You By P.g. Wodehouse Pongo Played Cards Marry Hermione

The ideal girl ... would be kind. That was because she would also be extremely intelligent, and, being extremely intelligent, would have need of kindness to enable her to bear with a not very intelligent man like himself. By P.g. Wodehouse Girl Intelligent Ideal Extremely Kind

A cad of the lowest order with a soul as black as his fingernails. By P.g. Wodehouse Fingernails Cad Lowest Order Soul

I was conscious of a passing pang for the oyster world, feelingand I think correctlythat life for these unfortunate bivalves must be one damn thing after another. By P.g. Wodehouse World Feelingand Conscious Passing Pang

Tea, pa! said Charlotte, starting at the word like the old war-horse who hears the bugle; and we got down to it. By P.g. Wodehouse Tea Charlotte Starting Bugle Word

Love is a delicate plant that needs constant tending and nurturing, and this cannot be done by snorting at the adored object like a gas explosion and calling her friends lice. By P.g. Wodehouse Love Nurturing Lice Delicate Plant

But, Ed! Say! Are you going to let him get away with it?""Am I going to let him get away with it!" said Mr. Cootes, annoyed by the foolish question. "Wake me up in the night and ask me!" "But what are you going to do?""Do!" said Mr. Cootes. "Do! I'll tell you what I'm going to ... " He paused, and the stern resolve that shone in his face seemed to flicker. "Say, what the hell am I going do?" he went on somewhat weakly. By P.g. Wodehouse Cootes Wake Annoyed Question Foolish

Some time ago," he said, "how long it seems! I remember saying to a young friend of mine of the name of Spiller, 'Comrade Spiller, never confuse the unusual with the impossible.' It is my guiding rule in life. By P.g. Wodehouse Spiller Ago Time Long Comrade

The years fell away from him till, in an instant, from being a rather poorly preserved, liverish greybeard of sixty-five or so, he became a sprightly lad of twenty-one in a world of springtime and flowers and laughing brooks. In other words, taking it by and large, George felt pretty good. The impossible had happened; Heaven had sent him an adventure, and he didn't care if it snowed. By P.g. Wodehouse Till Instant Preserved Liverish Brooks

It seems to me that you and I were made for each other. I am your best friend's best friend and we both have a taste for stealing other people's jewellery. By P.g. Wodehouse Made Friend Jewellery Taste Stealing

For years Belpher oysters had been the mainstay of gay supper parties at the Savoy, the Carlton and Romano's. Dukes doted on them; chorus girls wept if they were not on the bill of fare. And then, in an evil hour, somebody discovered that what made the Belpher oyster so particularly plump and succulent was the fact that it breakfasted, launched and dined almost entirely on the local sewage. There is but a thin line ever between popular homage and execration. By P.g. Wodehouse Savoy Romano Carlton Belpher Years

I read it twice, then I said, "Well, why don't you?""Why don't I what?""Why don't you wish her many happy returns? It doesn't seem much to ask.""But she says on her birthday.""Well, when is her birthday?""Can't you understand?" said Bobbie. "I've forgotten.""Forgotten!" I said."Yes," said Bobbie. "Forgotten.""How do you mean, forgotten?" I said. "Forgotten whether it's the twentieth or the twenty-first, or what? How near do you get to it?""I know it came somewhere between the first of January and the thirty-first of December. That's how near I get to it. By P.g. Wodehouse Forgotten Bobbie Returns Forgotten Read

I never was interested in politics. I'm quite unable to work up any kind of belligerent feeling. Just as I'm about to feel belligerent about some country I meet a decent sort of chap. We go out together and lose any fighting thoughts or feelings. By P.g. Wodehouse Politics Interested Belligerent Feeling Feelings

Mr. Roddis: [Outraged at the presence of two apparent burglars (actually his in-laws) having tea in his suburban home] - And they've opened a pot of my raspberry jam."Uncle Fred: [Architect of the above missunderstanding] Ah, then you will be able to catch them red-handed. I should fetch a policman. By P.g. Wodehouse Roddis Outraged Uncle Fred Architect

Into the emotional scene which followed I need not go in detail. You will have witnessed much the same sort of thing in the pictures, when the United States Marines arrive in the nick of time to relieve the beleaguered garrison. I may sum it up by saying that he fawned upon me. By P.g. Wodehouse Detail Emotional Scene United States

cats on hot bricks could take hints from me By P.g. Wodehouse Cats Hot Bricks Hints

You are falling into your old error, Jeeves, of thinking that Gussie is a parrot. Fight against this. I shall add the oz. By P.g. Wodehouse Jeeves Gussie Error Parrot Falling

She's one of those soppy girls, riddled from head to foot with whimsy. She holds the view that the stars are God's daisy chain, that rabbits are gnomes in attendance on the Fairy Queen, and that every time a fairy blows its wee nose a baby is born, which, as we know, is not the case. She's a drooper. By P.g. Wodehouse Girls Riddled Whimsy Fairy Soppy

The silly ass had left the kitchen door open, and I hadn't gone two steps when his voice caught me squarely in the eardrum.'You will find Mr Wooster', he was saying to the substitue chappie, 'an extremely pleasant and amiable young gentleman, but not intelligent. By no means intelligent. Mentally he is negligible - quite negligible'.Well, I mean to say. What!I suppose, strictly speaking, I ought to have charged in and ticked the blighter off properly in no uncertain voice. But I doubht whether it is humanly possible to tick Jeeves off. By P.g. Wodehouse Wooster Intelligent Open Eardrum Chappie

It's the burglars!" quavered Mrs. Hignett. In the stress of recentevents she had completely forgotten the existence of those enemiesof society. "They were dancing in the hall when I arrived, and nowthey're playing the orchestrion!""Light-hearted chaps!" said Eustace, admiring the sang-froid ofthe criminal world. "Full of spirits! By P.g. Wodehouse Hignett Mrs Burglars Quavered Lighthearted

No fair-minded girl objects to a certain tinge of jealousy. Kept within proper bounds, it is a compliment; it makes for piquancy; it is the gin in the ginger-beer of devotion. But it should be a condiment, not a fluid. By P.g. Wodehouse Jealousy Fairminded Girl Objects Tinge

Golf acts as a corrective against sinful pride. I attribute the insane arrogance of the later Roman Emperors almost entirely to the fact that, never having played golf, they never knew that strange chastening humility which is engendered by a topped chip shot. If Cleopatra had been ousted in the first round of the Ladies' Singles, we should have heard a lot less of her proud imperiousness. By P.g. Wodehouse Pride Golf Acts Corrective Sinful

Aunt Agatha is like an elephant- not so much to look at, for in appearance she resembles more a well-bred vulture, but because she never forgets. By P.g. Wodehouse Agatha Aunt Elephant Vulture Forgets

Aunt Agatha is my tough aunt, the one who eats broken bottles and conducts human sacrifices by the light of the full moon. By P.g. Wodehouse Agatha Aunt Moon Tough Eats

She's a sort of human vampire-bat By P.g. Wodehouse Vampirebat Sort Human

This Miss Wooster that I knew married a man named Spenser. Was she any relation?""She is my Aunt Agatha," I replied, and I spoke with a good deal of bitterness, trying to suggest by my manner that he was exactly the sort of man, in my opinion, who would know my Aunt Agatha. By P.g. Wodehouse Spenser Agatha Miss Wooster Aunt

His eyes were rolling in their sockets, and his face had taken on the colour and expression of a devout tomato. I could see he loved like a thousand bricks. By P.g. Wodehouse Sockets Tomato Eyes Rolling Face

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people. By P.g. Wodehouse Pleasure Happiness People Grow Older

One of the advantages a sister has when arguing with a brother is that she is under no obligation to be tactful. If she wishes to tell him that he is an idiot and ought to have his head examined, she can do so and, going further, can add that it is a thousand pities that no-one ever thought of smothering him with a pillow in his formative years. By P.g. Wodehouse Tactful Advantages Sister Arguing Brother

I was in rare fettle and the heart had touched a new high. I don't know anything that braces one up like finding you haven't got to get married after all. By P.g. Wodehouse High Rare Fettle Heart Touched

Look in at the Drones and ask the first fellow you meet 'Can the fine spirit of the Woosters be crushed?' and he will offer you attractive odds against such a contingency. By P.g. Wodehouse Drones Woosters Meet Crushed Contingency

I always strive, when I can, to spread sweetness and light. There have been several complaints about it. By P.g. Wodehouse Strive Light Spread Sweetness Complaints

Writing Jeeves stories gives me a great deal of pleasure and keeps me out of the public houses. By P.g. Wodehouse Jeeves Writing Houses Stories Great

The cup of tea on arrival at a country house is a thing which, as a rule, I particularly enjoy. I like the crackling logs, the shaded lights, the scent of buttered toast, the general atmosphere of leisured cosiness. By P.g. Wodehouse Rule Enjoy Cup Tea Arrival

As an energetic Socialist, I do my best to see the good that is in him, but it's hard. Comrade Bristow's the most striking argument against the equality of man I've ever come across. By P.g. Wodehouse Socialist Hard Energetic Good Bristow

I am Psmith," said the old Etonian reverently. "There is a preliminary P before the name. This, however, is silent. Like the tomb. Compare such words as ptarmigan, psalm, and phthisis. By P.g. Wodehouse Psmith Etonian Reverently Psalm Silent

Good God, Clarence! You look like a bereaved tapeworm. By P.g. Wodehouse Clarence God Good Tapeworm Bereaved

Jeeves, Mr Little is in love with that female.""So I gathered, sir. She was slapping him in the passage."I clutched my brow."Slapping him?""Yes, sir. Roguishly. By P.g. Wodehouse Sir Jeeves Female Gathered Slapping

Sober or blotto, this is your motto: keep muddling through. By P.g. Wodehouse Sober Blotto Motto Muddling

Mr Howard Saxby, literary agent, was knitting a sock. He knitted a good deal, he would tell you if you asked him, to keep himself from smoking, adding that he also smoked a good deal to keep himself from knitting. By P.g. Wodehouse Saxby Howard Literary Agent Sock

He seemed to be doing his best to marry into a family of pronounced loonies, and how the deuce he thought he was going to support even a mentally afflicted wife on nothing a year beat me. Old Bittlesham was bound to knock off his allowance if he did anything of the sort and, with a fellow like young Bingo, if you knocked off his allowance, you might just as well hit him on the head with an axe and make a clean job of it. By P.g. Wodehouse Loonies Marry Family Pronounced Deuce

He was stoutly opposed to the idea of marrying anyone; but if, as happens to the best of us, he ever were compelled to perform the wedding glide, he had always hoped it would be with some lady golf champion who would help him with his putting, and thus, by bringing his handicap down a notch or two, enable him to save something from the wreck, so to speak. By P.g. Wodehouse Glide Putting Enable Wreck Speak

Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them. By P.g. Wodehouse Memories Restaurant Mulligatawny Soup Cheap

One prefers, of course, on all occasions to be stainless and above reproach, but, failing that, the next best thing is unquestionably to have got rid of the body. By P.g. Wodehouse Prefers Reproach Failing Body Occasions

Much has been written on the subject of bed-books. The general consensus of opinion is that a gentle, slow-moving story makes the best opiate By P.g. Wodehouse Bedbooks Written Subject Gentle Slowmoving

Few things are more difficult in this world for a young man than the securing of an introduction to the right girl under just the right conditions. When he is looking his best he is presented to her in the midst of a crowd, and is swept away after a rapid hand-shake. When there is no crowd he has toothache, or the sun has just begun to make his nose peel. Thousands of young lives have been saddened in this manner. By P.g. Wodehouse Conditions Things Difficult World Man

Beginning with a critique of my own limbs, which she said, justly enough, were nothing to write home about, this girl went on to dissect my manners, morals, intellect, general physique, and method of eating asparagus with such acerbity that by the time she had finished the best you could say of Bertram was that, so far as was known, he had never actually committed murder or set fire to an orphan asylum. By P.g. Wodehouse Morals Intellect Bertram Beginning Limbs

He looks much more like a lobster than most lobsters do. By P.g. Wodehouse Lobster Lobsters

She had a penetrating sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel. By P.g. Wodehouse Laugh Penetrating Sort Tunnel Train

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when". By P.g. Wodehouse Looked Poured Clothes Forgotten

I drew a deepish breath. By P.g. Wodehouse Breath Drew Deepish

Hear that, Eustace? He wishes we were staying a good long time.""I expect it will seem a good long time," said Eustace, philosophically. By P.g. Wodehouse Eustace Hear Good Philosophically Long

Jeeves," I said, when I had washed off the stains of travel, "tell me frankly all about it. Be as frank as Lady Bablockhythe. By P.g. Wodehouse Jeeves Travel Bablockhythe Washed Stains

An apple a day, if well aimed, keeps the doctor away. By P.g. Wodehouse Day Aimed Apple Doctor

Man's inability to get out of bed in the morning is a curious thing. One may reason with oneself clearly and forcibly without the slightest effect. One knows that delay means inconvenience. Perhaps it may spoil one's whole day. And one also knows that a single resolute heave will do the trick. But logic is of no use. One simply lies there. By P.g. Wodehouse Man Thing Inability Bed Morning

What magic there is in a girl's smile! It is the raisin which, dropped in the yeast of male complacency, induces fermentation. By P.g. Wodehouse Smile Magic Girl Dropped Complacency

It's a funny thing about looking for things. If you hunt for a needle in a haystack you don't find it. If you don't give a darn whether you ever see the needle or not it runs into you the first time you lean against the stack. By P.g. Wodehouse Thing Things Funny Needle Hunt

Don't leave me, Bertie. I'm lost.""What do you mean, lost?""I came out for a walk and suddenly discovered after a mile or two that I didn't know where on earth I was. I've been wandering round in circles for hours.""Why didn't you ask the way?""I can't speak a word of French.""Well, why didn't you call a taxi?""I suddenly discovered I'd left all my money at my hotel.""You could have taken a cab and paid it when you got to the hotel.""Yes, but I suddenly discovered, dash it, that I'd forgotten its name."And there in a nutshell you have Charles Edward Biffen. As vague and woollen-headed a blighter as ever bit a sandwich. By P.g. Wodehouse Bertie Suddenly Discovered Leave Hotel

It would seem to be an inexorable law of Nature that no man shall shine at both ends. If he has a high forehead and a thirst for wisdom, his fox-trotting (if any) shall be as the staggerings of the drunken; while, if he is a good dancer, he is nearly always petrified from the ears upward. By P.g. Wodehouse Nature Ends Inexorable Law Man

Joan was nothing more than a friend. He was not in love with her. One does not fall in love with a girl whom one has met only three times. One is attracted, yes; but one does not fall in love. A moment's reflection enabled him to diagnose his sensations correctly. This odd impulse to leap across the compartment and kiss Joan was not love. It was merely the natural desire of a good-hearted young man to be decently chummy with his species. By P.g. Wodehouse Love Friend Joan Fall Times

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature. By P.g. Wodehouse Literature Surer Foundation Beautiful Friendship

It was one of those cases where you approve the broad, general principle of an idea but can't help being in a bit of a twitter at the prospect of putting it into practical effect. I explained this to Jeeves, and he said much the same thing had bothered Hamlet. By P.g. Wodehouse Broad General Effect Cases Approve

If you could call the thing a horse. If it hadn't shown a flash of speed in the straight, it would have got mixed up with the next race. By P.g. Wodehouse Horse Call Thing Straight Race

The motto of the Little family was evidently "variety". Young Bingo is long and thin and hasn't had a superfluous ounce on him since we first met; but the uncle restored the average and a bit over. The hand which grasped mine wrapped it round and enfolded it till I began to wonder if I'd ever get it out without excavating machinery. By P.g. Wodehouse Variety Evidently Motto Family Bingo

What I mean is, if you're absolutely off your rocker, but don't find it convenient to be scooped into the luny-bin, you simply explain that, when you said you were a teapot, it was just your Artistic Temperament, and they apologize and go away. So I stood by to hear just how the A.T. had affected Clarence, the Cat's Friend, ready for anything. By P.g. Wodehouse Temperament Artistic Rocker Lunybin Teapot

Mr Beach was too well bred to be inquisitive, but his eyebrows here not.'Ah!' he said.'?', cried the eyebrows. '? ? ?'Ashe ignored the eyebrows. ... Mr Beach's eyebrows were still mutely urging him to reveal all, but Ashe directed his gaze at that portion of the room which Mr Beach did not fill. He was hanged if he was going to let himself be hypnotized by a pair of eyebrows into incriminating himself. By P.g. Wodehouse Beach Eyebrows Inquisitive Not Ashe

Young Bingo was too busy introducing the mob to take much notice. They were a very C3 collection. Comrade Butt looked like one of those things that come out of dead trees after the rain; moth-eaten was the word I should have used to described old Rowbotham; and as for Charlotte, she seemed to take me straight into another and a dreadful world. By P.g. Wodehouse Bingo Young Notice Busy Introducing

Bream Mortimer was tall and thin. He had small bright eyes and a sharply curving nose. He looked much more like a parrot than most parrots do. It gave strangers a momentary shock of surprise when they saw Bream Mortimer in restaurants, eating roast beef. They had the feeling that he would have preferred sunflower seeds. By P.g. Wodehouse Mortimer Thin Bream Tall Nose

Jeeves' eyes had taken on the look of cautious reserve which you see in those of parrots, when offered half a banana by a stranger of whose bona fides they are not convinced. By P.g. Wodehouse Jeeves Parrots Convinced Eyes Cautious

The funny thing was that he wasn't altogether a fool in other ways. Deep down in him there was a kind of stratum of sense. I had known him, once or twice, show an almost human intelligence. But to reach that stratum, mind you, you needed dynamite. By P.g. Wodehouse Funny Thing Altogether Fool Stratum

At a time when she was engaged to Stilton Cheesewright, I remember recording in the archives that she was tall and willowy with a terrific profile and luxuriant platinum blond-hair, the sort of girl who might, as far as looks were concerned, have been the star unit of the harem of one of the better-class sultans. By P.g. Wodehouse Cheesewright Stilton Blondhair Concerned Sultans

Oh, Jeeves," I said, "did Peabody and Simms send those soft silk shirts?""Yes, sir. I sent them back.""Sent them back!""Yes, sir."I eyed him for a moment. But I mean to say. I mean, what's the use?"Oh, all right," I said. "Then lay out one of the gents' stiff-bosomed.""Very good, sir," said Jeeves. By P.g. Wodehouse Peabody Simms Jeeves Sir Shirts

When Cynthia smiles," said young Bingo, "the skies are blue; the world takes on a roseate hue; birds in the garden trill and sing, and Joy is king of everything, when Cynthia smiles." He coughed, changing gears. "When Cynthia frowns - ""What the devil are you talking about?""I'm reading you my poem. The one I wrote to Cynthia last night. I'll go on, shall I?""No!""No?""No. I haven't had my tea. By P.g. Wodehouse Smiles Cynthia Bingo Joy Blue

By the way, I may have misled you by using the word 'tea'. None of your wafer slices of bread-and-butter. We're good trencher-men, we of the Revolution. What we shall require will be something on the order of scrambled eggs, muffins, jam, ham, cake and sardines. Expect us at five sharp.""But, I say, I'm not quite sure - ""Yes, you are. Silly ass, don't you see that this is going to do you a bit of good when the Revolution breaks loose? When you see old Rowbotham sprinting up Piccadilly with a dripping knife in each hand, you'll be jolly thankful to be able to remind him that he once ate your tea and shrimps. By P.g. Wodehouse Word Revolution Misled Tea Good

To find a man's true character, play golf with him. By P.g. Wodehouse Character Play Find Man True

The only way of really finding out a man's true character is to play golf with him. In no other walk of life does the cloven hoof so quickly display itself. By P.g. Wodehouse Finding Man True Character Play

On the occasions when Aunt is calling Aunt like mastodons bellowing across primeval swamps ... By P.g. Wodehouse Aunt Swamps Occasions Calling Mastodons

I'm bound to say that New York's a topping place to be exiled in. Everybody was awfully good to me, and there seemed to be plenty of things going on, and I'm a wealthy bird, so everything was fine. By P.g. Wodehouse York Bound Topping Place Exiled

Success comes to a writer as a rule, so gradually that it is always something of a shock to him to look back and realize the heights to which he has climbed. By P.g. Wodehouse Success Rule Climbed Writer Gradually

He wore the unmistakable look of a man about to be present at a row between women, and only a wet cat in a strange back yard bears itself with less jauntiness than a man faced by such a prospect. By P.g. Wodehouse Man Women Prospect Wore Unmistakable

It's a mystery to me how kidnappers ever get caught. By P.g. Wodehouse Caught Mystery Kidnappers

The ideas of debtor and creditor as to what constitutes a good time never coincide. By P.g. Wodehouse Coincide Ideas Debtor Creditor Constitutes

Psmith is the only thing in my literary career which was handed to me on a plate with watercress round it, thus enabling me to avoid the blood, sweat and tears inseparable from an author's life. By P.g. Wodehouse Psmith Blood Sweat Life Thing

If men's minds were like dominoes, surely his would be the double blank. By P.g. Wodehouse Dominoes Surely Blank Men Minds

A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life's gas-pipe with a lighted candle. By P.g. Wodehouse Man Candle Melancholylooking Appearance Searched

The supply of the milk of human kindness was short by several gallons By P.g. Wodehouse Gallons Supply Milk Human Kindness

Golf, like measles, should be caught young. By P.g. Wodehouse Golf Measles Young Caught

At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies. By P.g. Wodehouse Man Lucky Manages Seventies Age

Mr Pett, receiving her cold glance squarely between the eyes, felt as if he were being disembowelled by a clumsy amateur. By P.g. Wodehouse Pett Receiving Eyes Felt Amateur

I have been studying the principles of socialism deeply of late, and I came to the conclusion that I must join the cause. It looked good to me. You work for the equal distribution of property and start in by swiping all you can and sitting on it. Ah, noble scheme! Me for it! By P.g. Wodehouse Late Studying Principles Socialism Deeply

There is a point beyond which the human brain loses its kinship with the Infinite and becomes a mere seething mass of deleterious passions. Malays, By P.g. Wodehouse Infinite Passions Malays Point Human

You agreee with me that the situation is a lulu? Certainly, a somewhat sharp crisis in your affairs would appear to have been precipitated, Sir. By P.g. Wodehouse Sir Lulu Agreee Situation Precipitated

The Duke of Dunstable had one-way pockets. He would walk ten miles in the snow to chisel an orphan out of tuppence. By P.g. Wodehouse Duke Dunstable Pockets Oneway Tuppence

But then, at meals, my attention is pretty well riveted on the foodstuffs. By P.g. Wodehouse Meals Foodstuffs Attention Pretty Riveted

Boil the whole question of old age down, and what it amounts to is that a man is young as long as he can dance without getting lumbago, and, if he cannot dance, he is never young at all. By P.g. Wodehouse Young Dance Boil Lumbago Question

In all crises of human affairs there are two broad courses open to a man. He can stay where he is or he can go elsewhere. By P.g. Wodehouse Man Crises Human Affairs Broad

I must explain Henry early, to avoid disappointment. By P.g. Wodehouse Henry Early Disappointment Explain Avoid

There was the man who seemed to be attempting to decieve his ball and lull it into a false sense of security by looking away from it and then making a lightning slash in the apparent hope of catching it off its guard. By P.g. Wodehouse Guard Man Attempting Decieve Ball

I am told by those who know that there are six varieties of hangover-the Broken Compass, the Sewing Machine, the Comet, the Atomic, the Cement Mixer and the Gremlin Boogie, and his manner suggested that he had got them all. By P.g. Wodehouse Compass Machine Comet Atomic Boogie

Mike's emotion took him back to the phraseology of school days.'You are an ass! By P.g. Wodehouse Mike Days Ass Emotion Back

Well, there it is. That's Jeeves. Where others merely smite the brow and clutch the hair, he acts. Napoleon was the same. By P.g. Wodehouse Jeeves Hair Acts Napoleon Smite

This Vladimir Brusiloff to whom I have referred was the famous Russian novelist ... Vladimir specialized in gray studies of hopeless misery, where nothing happened till page three hundred and eighty, when the moujik decided to commit suicide ... Cuthbert was an optimist at heart, and it seemed to him that, at the rate at which the inhabitants of that interesting country were murdering one another, the supply of Russian novelists must eventually give out. By P.g. Wodehouse Brusiloff Russian Vladimir Referred Famous

Change of scene is the thing. I head of a man. Girl refused him. Man went abroad. Two months later girl wired him "Come back, Muriel." Man started to write out a reply; suddenly found that he couldn't remember girl's surname; so never answered at all, and lived happily ever after. By P.g. Wodehouse Change Thing Man Girl Scene

I go in for what is known in the trade as 'light writing' and those who do that - humorists they are sometimes called - are looked down upon by the intelligentsia and sneered at. By P.g. Wodehouse Light Writing Humorists Called Trade

I am strongly of the opinion that, after the age of twenty-one, a man ought not to be out of bed and awake at four in the morning. The hour breeds thought. At twenty-one, life being all future, it may be examined with impunity. But, at thirty, having become an uncomfortable mixture of future and past, it is a thing to be looked at only when the sun is high and the world full of warmth and optimism. By P.g. Wodehouse Twentyone Morning Strongly Opinion Age

I have never written a novel yet ... without doing 40,000 words or more and finding they were all wrong and going back and starting again, and this after filling 400 words with notes, mostly delirious, before getting into anything in the nature of a coherent scenario. By P.g. Wodehouse Words Written Filling Notes Delirious

If it is bad to be all dressed up and no place to go, it is almost worse to be full of talk and to have no one to talk it to. By P.g. Wodehouse Talk Bad Dressed Place Worse

As life goes on, don't you find that all you need is about two real friends, a regular supply of books, and a Peke? By P.g. Wodehouse Peke Friends Books Life Find

If I might suggest, sir - it is, of course, merely a palliative - but it has often been found in times of despondency that the assumption of formal evening dress has a stimulating effect on the morale. By P.g. Wodehouse Sir Suggest Palliative Morale Found

It's and odd thing, but however much an oficionado one may be of mysteries in book form, when they pop up in real life they seldom fail to give one the pip. By P.g. Wodehouse