Discover a wealth of wisdom and insight from Ogden Nash through their most impactful and thought-provoking quotes and sayings. Expand your perspective with their inspiring words and share these beautiful Ogden Nash quote pictures with your friends and followers on social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, or your personal blog - all free of charge. We've compiled the top 230 Ogden Nash quotes for you to explore and share with others.

I give you now Professor TwistThe conscientious scientist.Trustees exclaimed, "He never bungles"And sent him off to distant jungles.Camped on a tropic riversideOne day he missed his lovely bride.She had, the guide informed him later, Been eaten by an alligator.Professor Twist could not but smile.You mean," he said "a crocodile.! By Ogden Nash Professor Twist Exclaimed Bungles Crocodile

Unwillingly Miranda wakes,Feels the sun with terror,One unwilling step she takes,Shuddering to the mirror.Miranda in Miranda's sightIs old and gray and dirty;Twenty-nine she was last night;This morning she is thirty.Shining like the morning star,Like the twilight shining,Haunted by a calendar,Miranda is a-pining.Silly girl, silver girl,Draw the mirror toward you;Time who makes the years to whirlAdorned as he adored you.Time is timelessness for you;Calendars for the human;What's a year, or thirty, toLoveliness made woman?Oh, Night will not see thirty again,Yet soft her wing, Miranda;Pick up your glass and tell me, then--How old is Spring, Miranda? By Ogden Nash Miranda Night Twentynine Time Calendars

No matter how deep and dark your pit, how dank your shroud, their heads are heroically unbloody and unbowed. By Ogden Nash Pit Shroud Unbowed Matter Deep

Come live with me and be my love And we will all the pleasures prove Of a marriage conducted with economy In the Twentieth Century Anno Donomy. We'll live in a dear little walk-up flat With practically room to swing a cat And a potted cactus to give it hauteur And a bathtub equipped with dark brown water. We'll eat, without undue discouragement, Foods low in cost but high in nouragement And quaff with pleasure, while chatting wittily,The peculiar wine of Little Italy. We'll remind each other it's smart to be thriftyAnd buy our clothes for something-fifty. We'll bus for miles on holidays For seas at depressing matinees, And every Sunday we'll have a lark And take a walk in Central Park. And one of these days not too remote You'll probably up and cut my throat. By Ogden Nash Donomy Twentieth Century Anno Live

I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it. By Ogden Nash Money Mind Lot Care Employ

At least when I get on the Boston train I have a good chance of landing in the South StationAnd not in that part of the daily press which is reserved for victims of aviation. By Ogden Nash Boston South Aviation Train Good

I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all. By Ogden Nash Tree Lovely Fall Billboard Billboards

Time is so old and love so brief, love is pure gold and time a thief. We're late, darling, we're late, The curtain descends, everything ends, too soon, too soon. By Ogden Nash Late Thief Time Love Darling

Then here's to the heartening wassail, Wherever good fellows are found; Be its master instead of its vassal, and order the glasses around. By Ogden Nash Wassail Found Vassal Heartening Good

All that glitters is sold as gold. By Ogden Nash Gold Glitters Sold

Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals? By Ogden Nash Year Descendant Criminals Direct Long

And you stagger down to break your fast. Greasy bacon and lacquered eggs And coffee composed of frigid dregs. By Ogden Nash Fast Stagger Break Greasy Dregs

Which the Chicken and Which the Egg?He drinks because she scolds, he thinks;She thinks she scolds because he drinks;And nether will admit what's true,That he's a sot and she's a shrew. By Ogden Nash Egg Drinks Scolds Chicken Shrew

I have an idea that the phrase "weaker sex" was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm. By Ogden Nash Phrase Weaker Sex Overwhelm Idea

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. By Ogden Nash Women Men Animal Cold Family

The Pig, if I am not mistaken,Supplies us sausage, ham, and Bacon.Let others say his heart is big,I think it stupid of the Pig. By Ogden Nash Pig Ham Sausage Mistakensupplies Baconlet

More than a catbird hates a cat,Or a criminal hates a clue,Or the Axis hates the United States,That's how much I love you.I love you more than a duck can swim,And more than a grapefruit squirts,I love you more than a gin rummy is a bore,And more than a toothache hurts.As a shipwrecked sailor hates the sea,Or a juggler hates a shove,As a hostess detests unexpected guests,That's how much you I love.I love you more than a wasp can sting,And more than the subway jerks,I love you as much as a beggar needs a crutch,And more than a hangnail irks.I swear to you by the stars above,And below, if such there be,As the High Court loathes perjurious oathes,That's how you're loved by me. By Ogden Nash Hates Love United Axis High

We love the kindly wind and hail, The jolly thunderbolt, We watch in glee the fairy trail Of ampere, watt, and volt. By Ogden Nash Watt Hail Thunderbolt Ampere Volt

A bird in the open never looks Like its picture in the birdie books - Or if it once did, it has changed its plumage, And plunges you back into ignorant gloomage. By Ogden Nash Books Plumage Gloomage Bird Open

Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor. By Ogden Nash Oppressor Befriend Oppressed Prepared

No man is greater than his respect for sleep. By Ogden Nash Sleep Man Greater Respect

This is my dream, It is my own dream, I dreamt it. I dreamt that my hair was kempt. Then I dreamt that my true love unkempt it. By Ogden Nash Dream Dreamt Kempt Hair True

Smallpox is natural; vaccine ain't. By Ogden Nash Smallpox Natural Vaccine

Husbands are things that wives have toget used to putting up with.And with whom they breakfast with and sup with. They interfere with the discipline of nurseries,And forget anniversaries, And when they have been particularly remiss,They think they can cure everythingwith a great big kiss. By Ogden Nash Husbands Things Wives Toget Putting

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. By Ogden Nash Marriage Force Happy Meeting Immovable

Indoors or out, no one relaxes in March, that month of wind and taxes, the wind will presently disappear, the taxes last us all the year. By Ogden Nash March Wind Taxes Indoors Disappear

I drink because she nags, she said I nag because he drinks. But if the truth be known to you, He's a lush and she's a shrew. By Ogden Nash Drink Nags Nag Drinks Shrew

Neath tile or thatch That man is rich Who has a scratch For every itch. By Ogden Nash Neath Itch Tile Thatch Man

The old men know when an old man dies. By Ogden Nash Dies Men Man

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. By Ogden Nash Middle Age Met People Person

Stuyvesant chats with Kelly and Katz, The professor warms to the broker, And life is good in the brotherhood Of an air-conditioned smoker. By Ogden Nash Katz Kelly Stuyvesant Broker Smoker

Senescence begins And middle-age ends The day your descendants Outnumber your friends By Ogden Nash Outnumber Senescence Friends Begins Middleage

All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart. By Ogden Nash Alike Husbands Faces

So I hope husbands and wives will continue to debate and combatOver everything debatable and combatableBecause I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of lifeParticularly if he has income and she is pattable. By Ogden Nash Pattable Hope Husbands Wives Continue

It is common knowledge to every schoolboy and even every Bachelor of Arts,That all sin is divided into two parts.One kind of sin is called a sin of commission, and that is veryimportant By Ogden Nash Sin Bachelor Commission Veryimportant Common

I could not eat a kangaroo. But many fine Australians do. Those with cookbooks as well as boomerangs Prefer him in tasty kangaroo-meringues. By Ogden Nash Kangaroo Eat Australians Prefer Kangaroomeringues

Maybe I couldn't be dafter, But I keep wondering if this time we settle our differences before a war instead of after. By Ogden Nash Dafter Wondering Time Settle Differences

Some one invented the telephone, And interrupted a nation's slumbers, Ringing wrong but similar numbers. By Ogden Nash Ringing Telephone Slumbers Numbers Invented

The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk. By Ogden Nash Ilk Moo Milk Cow Bovine

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long. By Ogden Nash Progress Long

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. By Ogden Nash Saturday Middle Age Sitting Home

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers. By Ogden Nash Smothers Mothers Hope Tongue Prune

A dressing is not a compote A dressing is not a custard It consists of pepper and salt, Vinegar, oil and mustard. By Ogden Nash Vinegar Dressing Salt Oil Mustard

One rule which woe betides the banker who fails to heed it/Never lend any money to anybody unless they don't need it. By Ogden Nash Rule Woe Betides Banker Fails

A dog's best friend is his illiteracy. By Ogden Nash Illiteracy Dog Friend

The dog is man's best friend. He has a tail on one end. Up in front he has teeth. And four legs underneath. By Ogden Nash Friend Dog Man End Teeth

If you are really Master of your Fate, it shouldn't make any difference to you whether Cleopatra or the Bearded Lady is your mate. By Ogden Nash Fate Master Cleopatra Bearded Lady

Some pains are physical, and some pains are mental, but the one that's both is dental. By Ogden Nash Pains Physical Mental Dental

Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit ... So here we are several billion of us, crowded into our global concentration camp for the duration. How are we to survive? Solemnity is not the answer, any more than witless and irresponsible frivolity is. I think our best chance lies in humor, which in this case means a wry acceptance of our predicament. We don't have to like it but we can at least recognize its ridiculous aspects, one of which is ourselves. By Ogden Nash Shield Weapon Kit Things Survival

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late. By Ogden Nash Make Paradoxes Reluctance Regret Early

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born. By Ogden Nash Dead Born Remember Bygone Days

So Columbus said, somebody show me the sunset and somebody did and he set sail for it, And he discovered America and they put him in jail for it, And the fetters gave him welts, And they named America after somebody else. By Ogden Nash America Columbus Welts Show Sunset

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up. By Ogden Nash Brimming Cup Wrong Admit Shut

When you're wrong admit it, when you're right, shut up. By Ogden Nash Shut Wrong Admit

O thrice unhappy home Whose master doesn't know the difference between a watt and an ohm! By Ogden Nash Ohm Thrice Unhappy Home Master

How do I feel today? I feel as unfit as an unfiddle,And it is the result of a certain turbulence in the mind and an uncertain burbulence in the middle.What was it, anyway, that angry thing that flew at me?I am unused to banshees crying Boo at me.Your wife can't be a bansheeOr can she? By Ogden Nash Today Feel Boo Unfit Unfiddleand

There has been a lot of progress during my lifetime, but I'm afraid it's heading in the wrong direction. By Ogden Nash Lifetime Direction Lot Progress Afraid

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance. By Ogden Nash Insouciance Living Nouciance Live Life

Baclli swarm within my portalsSuch as ne'r conceived by mortals,But, bred by scientists,Wise and hoary in some Olympian laboratory.Bacteria as large as miceWith feet of fire and heads of ice,Who never interrupt for slumberTheir stomping, elephantine rumba.( From the poem " The Common Cold " ) By Ogden Nash Cold Olympian Common Baclli Mortalsbut

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them. By Ogden Nash Fun Debts Acquiring Set Retiring

If called by a panther, don't anther. By Ogden Nash Panther Anther Called

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind, But it is very difficult to treat because it cannot even be defined, Because everything is not gold that glisters and everything is not a tear that glistens, And one man's remorse is another man's reminiscence By Ogden Nash Remorse Man Mind Defined Glistens

Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures take them, George, they're yours! By Ogden Nash George Pencil Typewriter Stencil Appointments

Elephants are useful friends: they have handles on both ends. By Ogden Nash Elephants Friends Ends Handles

In real life, it takes only one to make a quarrel. By Ogden Nash Life Quarrel Real Make

But that wasn't fancy enough for Lord Byron, oh dear me no, he had to invent a lot of figures of speech and then interpolate them,With the result that whenever you mention Old Testament soldiers topeople they say Oh yes, they're the ones that a lot of wolves dressed up in gold and purple ate them. By Ogden Nash Lot Byron Lord Testament Fancy

I'd rather be a great bad poet than a good bad poet. By Ogden Nash Bad Poet Great Good

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. By Ogden Nash Door Dog Perpetually Wrong Side

I myself am more and more inclined to agree with Omar and Satchel Paige as I grow older: Don't try to rewrite what the moving finger has writ, and don't ever look over your shoulder. By Ogden Nash Omar Satchel Paige Older Writ

The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin. By Ogden Nash People Grin Sin

Philo Vance / Needs a kick in the pance. By Ogden Nash Vance Philo Pance Kick

The truth I do not stretch or shove When I state the dog is full of love. I've also proved, by actual test, A wet dog is the lovingest. By Ogden Nash Love Dog Truth Stretch Shove

The trouble with a kitten is that it eventually becomes a cat. By Ogden Nash Cat Trouble Kitten Eventually

Humor is the best means of surviving in a difficult world. By Ogden Nash Humor World Surviving Difficult

The moral is that it is probably better not to sin at all, but ifsome kind of sin you must be pursuing,Well, remember to do it by doing rather than by not doing. By Ogden Nash Pursuingwell Remember Sin Moral Ifsome

Celery, raw,Develops the jaw By Ogden Nash Celery Rawdevelops Jaw

Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as legislature ... So people who go to bed to sleep Must count French premiers or sheep, And people who ought to arise from bed Yawn and go back to sleep instead. By Ogden Nash Sleep Perverse Nature Legislature Human

A Caution to Everybodyconsider the Auk.Becoming extinct before because he forgot out to fly and could only walk.Consider Man, who may well become extinct, Because he forgot how to walk and learned to fly before he thinked. By Ogden Nash Man Forgot Fly Caution Everybodyconsider

A jolly young fellow from YumaTold an elephant joke to a puma;now his skeleton liesbeneath hot western skies-the puma had no sense of huma By Ogden Nash Huma Puma Jolly Young Fellow

How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge! By Ogden Nash Overindulge Easy Bulge

But all ladies think they weigh too much. By Ogden Nash Ladies Weigh

Another good thing about gossip is that it is within everybody's reach, And it is much more interesting than any other form of speech. By Ogden Nash Reach Speech Good Thing Gossip

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat. By Ogden Nash Cat Trouble Kitten Eventually

He without benefit of scruples - His fun and money soon quadruples. By Ogden Nash Scruples Quadruples Benefit Fun Money

One thing about the past. It's likely to last. By Ogden Nash Past Thing

Miranda in Miranda's sight is old, gray and dirty; Twenty-nine she was last night; This morning she is thirty. By Ogden Nash Twentynine Miranda Gray Dirty Night

Too clever is dumb. By Ogden Nash Dumb Clever

Home is heaven and orgies are vile,But I like an orgy, once in a while. By Ogden Nash Home Orgy Heaven Orgies Vilebut

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor. By Ogden Nash Life Floor Told Man Waxed

The Bronx? No Thonx! By Ogden Nash Bronx Thonx

Whether elected or appointed he considers himself the Lord's anointed, and indeed the ointment lingers on him so thick you can't get your fingers on him. By Ogden Nash Lord Anointed Elected Appointed Ointment

No, you never get any funOut of the things you haven't done. By Ogden Nash Funout Things

The burnt child, urged by rankling ire, Can hardly wait to get back at the fire. By Ogden Nash Child Urged Ire Fire Burnt

I think in terms of rhyme, and have since I was six years old, By Ogden Nash Rhyme Terms Years

I test my bath before I sit, And I'm always moved to wonderment That what chills the finger not a bit Is so frigid upon the fundament. By Ogden Nash Sit Fundament Test Bath Moved

Don't Cry Darling, It's Blood All Right By Ogden Nash Darling Cry Blood

There are two kinds of people who blow through life like a breeze, And one kind is gossipers, and the other kind is gossipees. By Ogden Nash Breeze Gossipers Gossipees Kind People

I was born a jackdaw; why should I try to be an owl? By Ogden Nash Jackdaw Owl Born

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work. By Ogden Nash Work Earn Money

The only incurable troubles of the rich are the troubles that money can't cure, Which is a kind of trouble that is even more troublesome if you are poor. By Ogden Nash Cure Poor Troubles Incurable Rich

When a lady's erotic life is vexed God knows what God is coming next. By Ogden Nash God Lady Erotic Life Vexed

People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December. By Ogden Nash December People Concentrate Properly Blowing

When I ponder my mind I consistently find It is glued On food. By Ogden Nash Food Ponder Mind Consistently Find

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly. By Ogden Nash Snugly Door Bigoted Mind Opens

Bankers are just like everybody else, except richer. By Ogden Nash Bankers Richer

I don't care how unkind the things people say about me so long as they don't say them to my face. By Ogden Nash Face Care Unkind Things People

The codfish is a staple food For which I'm seldom in the mood. This fish is such an utter loss That people eat it with egg sauce. By Ogden Nash Mood Codfish Staple Food Seldom

You are much happier when you are happy than when you ain't. By Ogden Nash Happier Happy

The reason for much matrimony is patrimony. By Ogden Nash Patrimony Reason Matrimony

I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it. By Ogden Nash Remorse Stop Biting Consciences Feed

One would be in less danger From the wiles of the stranger If one's own kin and kith Were more fun to be with. By Ogden Nash Danger Wiles Stranger Kin Kith

Here lies my past, Goodbye I have kissed it; Thank you kids, I wouldn't have missed it. By Ogden Nash Goodbye Past Kids Lies Kissed

Any kiddie in school can love like a fool, But Hating, my boy, is an Art. By Ogden Nash Hating Art Fool Boy Kiddie

The oboe's a horn made of wood.I'd play you a tune if I could,But the reeds are a pain,And the fingering's insane.It's the ill wind that no one blows good. By Ogden Nash Play Fingering Good Oboe Horn

He is not drunk, who from the floor, can rise and stand and shout for more By Ogden Nash Drunk Floor Rise Stand Shout

Hark to the sky of a seagull!He cries because he's not an eagle.Oh, what if you were you silly he-gull?What would you say to your she-gull? By Ogden Nash Hark Seagull Eagleoh Hegull Shegull

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. By Ogden Nash Candy Dandy Quicker Liquor

Were it not for frustration and humiliationI suppose the human race would get ideas above its station. By Ogden Nash Station Frustration Humiliationi Suppose Human

Good wine needs no bush, and perhaps products that people really want need no hard-sell or soft-sell TV push. Why not? Look at pot. By Ogden Nash Good Bush Push Wine Products

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick. By Ogden Nash Stick Husband Guy Lipstick Girdle

He who has never tasted jail Lives well within the legal pale, While he who's served a heavy sentence Renews the racket, not repentance. By Ogden Nash Lives Renews Pale Racket Repentance

In the world of mulesThere are no rules. By Ogden Nash Rules World Mulesthere

My garden will never make me famous. I'm a horticultural ignoramus. I can't tell a string-bean from a soybean, or even a girl bean from a boy bean By Ogden Nash Famous Garden Make Bean Ignoramus

The Preacher, the Politicain, the Teacher,Were each of them once a kiddie.A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature.Do I want one? God Forbiddie! By Ogden Nash Preacher Politicain Child Teacherwere Kiddiea

Some hate broccoli, some hate bacon I hate having my picture taken. How can your family claim to love you And then demand a picture of you? By Ogden Nash Hate Broccoli Picture Bacon Family

The song of canariesNever varies,And when they're moultingThey're pretty revolting. By Ogden Nash Revolting Song Canariesnever Variesand Moultingthey

Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy. You've had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. You're sunk from a riot of relaxation. By Ogden Nash Brushed Untidy Hair Mind Friday

There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful,And who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends. By Ogden Nash Resourceful Amends Make People Remorsefuland

There is one fault that I must findWith the twentieth century.And I'll put it in a couple of words;Too adventury.What I'd like would be some nice dull monotonyIf anyone's gotony. By Ogden Nash Words Gotony Fault Findwith Twentieth

The noblest lord is ushered in By the practicing physician, And the humblest lout is ushered out By a certified mortician. And in between, they find their foyers Alive with summonses from lawyers. By Ogden Nash Ushered Physician Mortician Noblest Lord

Everybody who has a baby thinks everybody who hasn't a baby ought to have a baby,Which accounts for the success of such plays as the Irish Rose of Abie,The idea apparently being that just by being fruitfulYou are doing something beautiful,Which if it is trueMeans that the common housefly is several million times more beautiful than me or you. By Ogden Nash Baby Irish Rose Babywhich Accounts

I'm like a backward berry, Unripened on the vine, For all my friends are fifty, And I'm only forty-nine. By Ogden Nash Unripened Berry Vine Fifty Fortynine

Dogs display reluctance and wrath If you try to give them a bath. They bury bones in hideaways And half the time they trot sideaways. By Ogden Nash Dogs Bath Display Reluctance Wrath

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons. By Ogden Nash Persons Era Things Wrong

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all. By Ogden Nash Ball Achieve Happiness Terrestrial Clear

There was a young man of Herne Baywho was making some fireworks one day:but he dropped his cigarin the gunpowder jar.There was a young man of Herne Bay. By Ogden Nash Herne Young Man Bay Baywho

To Tom Carlson or his dog-depending on whose taste it best suits. By Ogden Nash Tom Carlson Suits Dogdepending Taste

Snow is all right while it is snowing; it is like inebriation because it is very pleasing when it is coming, but very unpleasing when it is going. By Ogden Nash Snow Snowing Coming Inebriation Pleasing

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. By Ogden Nash Marriage Minutes Growing Overanalyze Yanking

I would not engage the wombatIn any form of mortal combat. By Ogden Nash Combat Engage Wombatin Form Mortal

The sky is now indelible ink, The branches reft asunder; But you and I we do not shrink; We love the lovely thunder. By Ogden Nash Ink Asunder Shrink Thunder Sky

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes! By Ogden Nash Zebra Behold Plains Manes Shudder

Humor is hope's companion in arms. It is not brash, it is not cheap, it is not heartless. Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit. By Ogden Nash Arms Humor Hope Companion Brash

It is the sin of omission, the second kind of sin,That lays eggs under your skin. By Ogden Nash Omission Skin Sin Kind Sinthat

To love is an active verb. By Ogden Nash Verb Love Active

Tonight's December thirty-first, something is about to burst. The clock is crouching, dark and small, like a time bomb in the hall. Hark, it's midnight, children dear. Duck! Here comes another year! By Ogden Nash December Tonight Thirtyfirst Burst Hark

I think progress began to retrogress when Wilbur and Orville started tinkering around in Dayton and at Kitty Hawk, because I believe that two Wrights made a wrong. By Ogden Nash Hawk Wilbur Orville Dayton Kitty

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive. By Ogden Nash Naive Tangled Web Parents Weave

A husband is a man who two minutes after his head touches the pillow is snoring like an overloaded omnibus. By Ogden Nash Omnibus Husband Man Minutes Head

Too much Chablis can make you whablis. By Ogden Nash Chablis Whablis Make

My fellow man I do not care for.I often ask me, What's he there for?The only answer i can findIs, Reproduction of his kind. By Ogden Nash Reproduction Findis Kind Fellow Man

Either you get eaten by a wolf today or else the shepherd saves you from the wolf so he can sell you to the butcher tomorrow By Ogden Nash Wolf Tomorrow Eaten Today Shepherd

O, money, money, money, I'm not necessarily one of those who think thee holy,But I often stop to wonder how thou canst go out so fast when thou comest in so slowly. By Ogden Nash Money Slowly Thou Necessarily Thee

Indeed, everybody wants to be a wow, But not everybody knows exactly how. Some people think they will eventually wear diamonds instead of rhinestones Only by everlastingly keeping their noses to their ghrinestones By Ogden Nash Wow Ghrinestones People Eventually Wear

If some confectioners were willingTo let the shape announce the filling,We'd encounter fewer assorted chocs,Bitten into and returned to the box. By Ogden Nash Encounter Box Confectioners Willingto Shape

God in His wisdom made the fly And then forgot to tell us why. By Ogden Nash God Wisdom Made Fly Forgot

Life has a tendency to obfuscate and bewilder, Such as fating us to spend the first part of our lives being embarrassed by our parents and the last part being embarrassed by our children. By Ogden Nash Embarrassed Part Life Bewilder Children

Authors of all races, be they Greeks, Romans, Teutons, or Celts, Can't seem just to say anything is the thing it is but have to go out of their way to say that it is like something else. By Ogden Nash Romans Teutons Greeks Celts Authors

A cough is something that you yourself cant help, but everybody else does on purpose just to torment you. By Ogden Nash Cough Purpose Torment

Remorse is violent dyspepsia of the mind. By Ogden Nash Remorse Mind Violent Dyspepsia

I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned. By Ogden Nash Man Unstoned Conscientious Throw Rocks

Only the gamefish swims upstream, But the sensible fish swims down. By Ogden Nash Upstream Swims Gamefish Fish

A lady wants to be dressed exactly like everybody else but she gets pretty up- set if she sees anybody else dressed exactly like her. By Ogden Nash Dressed Set Lady Pretty

Some primal termite knocked on wood.And tasted it, and found it good.And that is why your Cousin MayFell through the parlor floor today. By Ogden Nash Cousin Today Primal Termite Knocked

You can have my jellyfishI am not sellyfish By Ogden Nash Sellyfish Jellyfishi

There once was an umpire whose vision Was cause for abuse and derision He remarked in surprise, 'Why pick on my eyes? It's my heart that dictates my decision.' By Ogden Nash Surprise Eyes Umpire Vision Abuse

Then blessings on thee, my afternoon torpor Thou makest a prince of a mental porpor. By Ogden Nash Thou Thee Porpor Blessings Afternoon

Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo. By Ogden Nash Basketball Zoo Game Fit People

There is something about a martini, Ere the dining and dancing begin, And to tell you the truth, It is not the vermouth- I think that perhaps it's the gin. By Ogden Nash Ere Martini Begin Truth Vermouth

Why did the Lord give use so much quickness unless it was to avoid responsibility? By Ogden Nash Lord Responsibility Give Quickness Avoid

It's my own dream, I dreamt it, I dreamt that my hair was kempt, then I dremat my true love unkempt it. By Ogden Nash Dreamt Dream Kempt Hair Dremat

The only way I can distinguish proper from improper fractions is by their actions By Ogden Nash Actions Distinguish Proper Improper Fractions

Here's a good rule of thumb; too clever is dumb. By Ogden Nash Thumb Dumb Good Rule Clever

An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks. By Ogden Nash Tocks Tick Occasional Lucky Guess

I claim there ain't Another Saint As great as Valentine. By Ogden Nash Valentine Saint Claim Great

Bankers are just like anybody else, only richer By Ogden Nash Bankers Richer

You can take it as understood,That your luck changes only if it's good. By Ogden Nash Good Understoodthat Luck

Passivity can be a provoking modus operandi;Consider the Empire and Gandhi. By Ogden Nash Gandhi Empire Passivity Operandi Provoking

Some people's money is merited and other people's is inherited. By Ogden Nash Inherited People Money Merited

At another year I would not boggle Except that when I jog I joggle. By Ogden Nash Joggle Year Boggle Jog

The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile. By Ogden Nash Turtle Lives Twixt Fertile Plated

Middle-aged life is merry, and I love to lead it. By Ogden Nash Middleaged Merry Life Love Lead

Man is a victim of dopeIn the incurable form of hope! By Ogden Nash Man Hope Victim Dopein Incurable

Parsley is gharsley. By Ogden Nash Parsley Gharsley

Ten years ago she split the air To seize what she could spy Tonight she bumps against a chair, Betrayed by milky eye. She seems to pant, Time up, time up! My little dog must die, And lie in dust with Hector's pup; I So, presently, must I. By Ogden Nash Betrayed Tonight Time Ten Chair

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. By Ogden Nash Indefinitely Young Stay Immature

But children, hark! Your mother would rather, When you arrived, have been your father. By Ogden Nash Hark Children Arrived Father Mother

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is. By Ogden Nash Englishman Viz Thing Convinced Belong

And one of his partners asked Has he vertigo? and the other glanced out and down and said Oh no, only about ten feet more. By Ogden Nash Vertigo Partners Asked Glanced Ten

I am tarred and feathered with Time. By Ogden Nash Time Tarred Feathered

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, And that's what parents were created for. By Ogden Nash Children Ignore Happy Parents Created

Commitments the voters don't know about can't hurt you. By Ogden Nash Commitments Voters Hurt

How confusing the beams from memory's lamp are; One day a bachelor, the next a grampa. What is the secret of the trick? How did I get so old so quick? By Ogden Nash Bachelor Grampa Confusing Beams Memory

People expect old men to die, They do not really mourn old men. Old men are different. People look At them with eyes that wonder when ... People watch with unshocked eyes; But the old men know when an old man dies. By Ogden Nash Men People Expect Mourn Eyes

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.~ Ogden Nash By Ogden Nash Ogden Nash Door Discipline Window

Professional men, they have no cares;Whatever happens, they get theirs. By Ogden Nash Professional Men Cares

One bliss for which There is no match Is when you itch To up and scratch. By Ogden Nash Scratch Bliss Match Itch

Wind is caused by the trees waving their branches. By Ogden Nash Wind Branches Caused Trees Waving

Certainly there are lots of things in life that money won't buy, but it's very funny- Have you ever tried to buy them without money? By Ogden Nash Funny Money Buy Lots Things

Beneath this slab John Brown is stowed. He watched the ads, And not the road. By Ogden Nash John Brown Beneath Stowed Slab

Linguistics becomes an ever eerier area, like I feel like I'm in Oz, Just trying to tell it like it was. By Ogden Nash Linguistics Area Eerier Feel

They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball. By Ogden Nash Headlines Heard Paper Read Breadlines

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. By Ogden Nash Happiness Itch Scratch

I believe that people believe what they believe they believe. By Ogden Nash People

A lady is known by the product she endorses. By Ogden Nash Endorses Lady Product

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. By Ogden Nash Marriage People Alliance Remembers Birthdays

There's nothing that keeps it's youthSo far as I know, but a tree and the truth By Ogden Nash Truth Youthso Tree

THE GRACKLEThe By Ogden Nash Gracklethe

Time is like the ocean, always there, always different. By Ogden Nash Time Ocean

Poets arent very usefulBecause they aren't consumeful or produceful.. By Ogden Nash Poets Produceful Arent Usefulbecause Consumeful

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control. By Ogden Nash Control Happiness Exciting Generated Forces

ADVENTURES OF ISABELIsabel By Ogden Nash Adventures Isabelisabel

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it. By Ogden Nash People Fond Telling

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental. By Ogden Nash Mental Dental Tortures Physical

To maintain your marriage brimming, with really like in the wedding cup, anytime you are incorrect, admit it each time you're proper, shut up. By Ogden Nash Brimming Cup Anytime Incorrect Admit

Nobody agrees with anybody else anyhow, but adults conceal it and infants show it. By Ogden Nash Agrees Adults Conceal Infants Show

One thing that literature would be greatly the better forWould be a more restricted employment by authors of simile and>metaphor. By Ogden Nash Metaphor Thing Literature Greatly Forwould

Very Like a Whale By Ogden Nash Whale

Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early? By Ogden Nash Late Early Mind Maturing Simply

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore. By Ogden Nash Parents Ignore Invented Make Children

Women would rather be right than reasonable. By Ogden Nash Women Reasonable

A bit of talcum Is always walcum. By Ogden Nash Walcum Bit Talcum

Where there is a monster, there is a miracle. By Ogden Nash Monster Miracle

The camel has a single hump, The dromedary, two; Or else the other way around; I'm never sure. Are you? By Ogden Nash Hump Dromedary Camel Single

Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long. By Ogden Nash Progress Long Alright

People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it. By Ogden Nash People Fond Telling

When there are monsters there are miracles. By Ogden Nash Miracles Monsters

The further through life I drift the more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift. By Ogden Nash Thrift Life Drift Obvious Lacking

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. By Ogden Nash People Work Sitting Paid Standing

Progress is a fine thing, but it's gone on long enough. By Ogden Nash Progress Thing Fine Long