Discover a wealth of wisdom and insight from Alan Bradley through their most impactful and thought-provoking quotes and sayings. Expand your perspective with their inspiring words and share these beautiful Alan Bradley quote pictures with your friends and followers on social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, or your personal blog - all free of charge. We've compiled the top 332 Alan Bradley quotes for you to explore and share with others.

There's nothing that a liar hates more than finding out that another liar has lied to them. By Alan Bradley Liar Hates Finding Lied

I dreamt of turrets and craggy ledges where the windswept rain blew in from the ocean with the odor of violets. A pale woman in Elizabethan dress stood beside my bed and whispered in my ear that the bells would ring. An old salt in an oilcloth jacket sat atop a piling, mending nets with an awl, while far out at sea a tiny aeroplane winged its way towards the setting sun. By Alan Bradley Violets Dreamt Turrets Craggy Ledges

There's something in human nature, I'm beginning to learn, that makes an adult, when speaking to a younger person, magnify the little things and shrink the big ones. It's like looking - or talking - through a kind of word-telescope that, no matter which end they choose, distorts the truth. Your mistakes are always magnified and your victories shrunken. By Alan Bradley Nature Learn Adult Person Magnify

Authors are known to have fiendishly clever minds, and the authors of children's books are more fiendishly clever than most. What By Alan Bradley Fiendishly Clever Minds Authors Children

I felt a pang a strange and inexplicable pang that I had never felt before. It was homesickness. Now, even more than I had earlier when I'd first glimpsed it, I longed to be transported into that quiet little landscape, to walk up the path, to take a key from my pocket and open the cottage door, to sit down by the fireplace, to wrap my arms around myself, and to stay there forever and ever. By Alan Bradley Felt Pang Strange Inexplicable Homesickness

I grew up in a very British family who had been transplanted to Canada, and my grandmother's house was filled with English books. I was a very early reader, so I was really brought up being surrounded with piles of British books and British newspapers, British magazines. I developed a really great love of England. By Alan Bradley British Canada English Books Grew

There are rare and precious moments, when one is a stranger in a room, that one can examine its inhabitants with little or no prejudice. Without knowing so much as their names, it is possible to form an assessment based purely upon observation and instinct. By Alan Bradley Moments Room Prejudice Rare Precious

I had once repeated the experiment to reassure myself that this was so, and it was. Ashes to ashes; starch to sugar. A little window into the Creation By Alan Bradley Repeated Experiment Reassure Ashes Creation

Seen from the air, the male mind must look rather like the canals of Europe, with ideas being towed along well-worn towpaths by heavy-footed dray horses. There is never any doubt that they will, despite wind and weather, reach their destinations by following a simple series of connected lines.But the female mind, even in my limited experience, seems more of a vast and teeming swamp, but a swamp that knows in an instant whenever a strangereven miles awayhas so much as dipped a single toe into her waters. People who talk about this phenomenon, most of whom know nothing whatsoever about it, call it woman's intuition. By Alan Bradley Europe Air Horses Mind Male

The sweater didn't fit me, of course. Even with the sleeves rolled up I looked like a baggy monkey picking bananas. But to my way of thinking, at least in winter, woolly warmth trumps freezing fashion any day of the week. By Alan Bradley Sweater Fit Bananas Thinking Winter

I had thought for years, probably 30 or 40 years, that it would be a lot of fun to try my hand at a classic English mystery novel ... I love that form very much because the reader is so familiar with all of the types of characters that are in there that they already identify with the book. By Alan Bradley Years English Thought Lot Fun

But getting back to my old friend water, the thing of it is this: No matter how hot or how cold, no matter its state, its form, its qualities, or its color, each molecule of water still consists of no more than a single oxygen atom bonded to two sister atoms of hydrogen. It takes all three of them to make a blinding blizzard - or a thunderstorm, for that matter ... or a puffy white cloud in a summer sky. O Lord, how manifold are thy works! By Alan Bradley Water Matter Cold State Form

Giving someone the benefit of the doubt is not so simple as it sounds. What it means, in fact, is being charitable--which, as the vicar is fond of pointing out, is the most difficult of the graces to master. Faith and hope are a piece of cake but charity is a Pandora's box: the monster in the cistern which, when the lid is opened, comes swarming out to seize you by the throat. By Alan Bradley Giving Sounds Benefit Doubt Simple

Water!" Miss Moate called out loudly, clapping her hands, and we all turned our attention toward her. "Water is life. Remember that, girls, and remember it well. You can live without food and sunlight for a remarkably long while, but you cannot live without water. You must know at all times and in all places how to acquire water. By Alan Bradley Water Moate Live Remember Miss

There was no way out; not, at least, in this direction. I was like a hamster that had climbed to the top of the ladder in its cage and found there was nowhere to go but down. But surely hamsters knew in their hamster hearts that escape was futile; it was only we humans who were incapable of accepting our own helplessness. By Alan Bradley Direction Hamster Climbed Top Ladder

Like most, I was a solitary boy at first, keeping to my books and weeping in the hedgerows whenever I could get away on my own. Surely, I thought, I must be the saddest child in the world; that there must be something innately horrid about me to cause my father to cast me off so heartlessly. I believed that if I could discover what it was, there might be a chance of putting things right, of somehow making it up to him. By Alan Bradley Keeping Solitary Boy Books Weeping

The Hinley pond-poet Herbert Miles had referred to us as "that gaggle o' geese who gossip gaily 'pon the gladdening green," and there By Alan Bradley Hinley Herbert Miles Geese Gaily

Growing up in a Canadian household that was more British than Big Ben, I dreamed of flying to England myself and visiting the places my family never tired of talking about. I always woke up before the plane landed. By Alan Bradley Ben Canadian British Big England

History is like the kitchen sink," Adam answered. "Everything goes round and round until eventually, sooner or later, most of it goes down the waste pipe. Things are forgotten. Things are mislaid. Things are covered up. Sometimes, it's simply a matter of neglect. By Alan Bradley Adam Things History Sink Answered

How could I possibly learn to survive in such a pagan place, where trams were streetcars, vans and lorries were trucks, pavements were sidewalks, jumpers were sweaters, petrol was gasoline, aluminium was aluminum, sweets were candy, a full stop was a period, and cheerio was goodbye? By Alan Bradley Place Streetcars Vans Trucks Pavements

I looked at my surroundings but there wasn't much to see. In the feeble glow of the single bulb above the music rack, Feely and I might as well have been castaways on a tiny raft of light in a sea of darkness. By By Alan Bradley Looked Surroundings Feely Rack Darkness

People who turn pages with licked fingers are as bad as those who wipe their noses on the able linen By Alan Bradley People Linen Turn Pages Licked

It was quite wrong of me Had I heard what I thought I'd heard or were my ears playing hob with me It was more likely that the sun and the moon should suddenly dance a jolly jig in the heavens than that one of my sisters should apologize. It was simply unheard of. By Alan Bradley Heard Apologize Wrong Thought Ears

Eleven-year-olds are supposed to be unreliable. We're past the age of being poppets: the age where people bend over and poke us in the tum with their fingers and make idiotic noises that sound like "boof-boof" - just the thought of which is enough to make me bring up my Bovril. And yet we're still not at the age where anyone ever mistakes us for a grown-up. The fact is, we're invisible - except when we choose not to be. By Alan Bradley Age Unreliable Supposed Bovril Make

Mr. Sambridge possessed a remarkably good mouthful of natural teeth for someone his age, whether ritually maintained or expensively corrected I could not tell.As someone who has spent hours of agony strapped down in Dr. Frankenstein's chamber of dental horrors in Farrington Street, I could only respect - and hate - anyone who still possessed such a spotless set of choppers. By Alan Bradley Street Sambridge Frankenstein Farrington Possessed

To each of the mourners outside in the lane, I would be no more than a pale face glimpsed for a moment behind the glass. I wished I could smile at each of them, but I knew I must not, since a grinning mug would spoil their memories of this sad occasion.We were all of us mourners overtaken by the moment: It was not ours to shape. We must give ourselves over to being the Grieving Family, upon whom others must be permitted to shower sympathy.All of this I knew without ever having been told. It had somehow been born in my blood. By Alan Bradley Lane Glass Mourners Moment Pale

I knew that hunched shoulders, hanging hair, and eyes on the ground were fairly reliable signs of a girl dejected, a girl who needed to be approached and jollied into a nice talk or a nice cup of tea; whereas a back-flung head, with eyes closed and a secret smile on the upturned face, was the signal of someone who needed to be left alone with her thoughts. By Alan Bradley Needed Girl Nice Eyes Shoulders

Don't make a sound!" she whispered, giving me a little shake. "I need your help."Damn! She had given the female password - spoken those magic words that stretched back through the mists of time to a bond made in some primordial swamp. By Alan Bradley Sound Whispered Giving Shake Damn

As he drank, I remembered that there's a reason we English are ruled more by tea than by Buckingham Palace or His Majesty's Government: Apart from the soul, the brewing of tea is the only thing that sets us apart from the great apesor so the Vicar had remarked to Father ... By Alan Bradley Government Father Tea English Buckingham

Apart from the soul, the brewing of tea is the only thing that sets us apart from the great apes. By Alan Bradley Soul Apes Brewing Tea Thing

I'm at that age where I watch such things with two minds, one that cackles at these capers and another that never gets much beyond a rather jaded and self-conscious smile, like the Mona Lisa. By Alan Bradley Lisa Mona Minds Smile Age

A conversation between a person of my age and one of hers is like a map of a maze: There are things that each of us knows, and that each of us knows the other knows, that can be talked about. But there are things that each of us knows that the other doesn't know we know, which must not be spoken of, no matter what. Because of our ages, and for reasons of decency, there are what Daffy would refer to as taboos: forbidden topics which we may stroll among like islands of horse dung in the road that, although perfectly evident to both of us, must not be mentioned or kicked at any cost.It's a strange world when you come right down to it. By Alan Bradley Things Maze Conversation Person Map

Older sisters are much alike the world over: half a cup of love and half one of contempt. By Alan Bradley Older Contempt Half Sisters Alike

And Miss Ophelia?" he asked, getting round to her at last. "Miss Ophelia? Well, to tell you the truth, Ned, we're all rather worried about her." Ned recoiled as if a wasp had gone up his nose. "Oh? What's the trouble? Nothing serious, I hope." "She's gone all green," I said. "I think it's chlorosis. Dr. Darby thinks so too. By Alan Bradley Ophelia Miss Asked Ned Round

I must be honest about the fact that I'm made extremely uneasy by excessive noise, and that I do not care for shouted instructions. If I'd been meant to be a sheep, I reasoned, I'd have been born with wool instead of skin. By Alan Bradley Noise Instructions Honest Fact Made

I'm sorry if I seem to digress, but that is precisely what I was thinking at the moment. It's the way my mind works. Things are not the same in real life as they are in, for instance, the fictional world of Sherlock Holmes. Brains, in reality, do not go clickety-clickety-clickety-click from A to B to C to D and so forth, rushing like a train along the rails, until at the end, with a happy "Toot-toot!" they arrive at their destination, Z, and the case is suddenly solved. Quite the contrary. In reality, analytical minds such as my own are forever shooting wildly off in all directions simultaneously. It's like joyously hitting jelly with a sledgehammer; like exploding galaxies; like a display of fireworks in which the pyrotechnic engineer has had a bit too much to drink and set off the whole conglobulation all at once, by accident. By Alan Bradley Digress Moment Precisely Thinking Reality

The place smelled of commodes and playing cards, and before I was halfway to the end I had made a firm resolve never to begin to die. For me it would be all or nothing: no half measures, no lingering on the doorstep. By Alan Bradley Cards Die Place Smelled Commodes

I have no fear of the dead. Indeed in my own limited experience I have found them to produce in me a feeling that is quite the opposite of fear. A dead body is much more fascinating than a live one and I have learned that most corpses tell better stories. I'd had the good fortune of seeing several of them in my time. By Alan Bradley Fear Dead Limited Experience Found

The wards were to my right. I stepped into the hall and walked confidently forward, yet fully expecting Matron to come bearing down upon me at any moment, like a pirate ship under full sail. I must say, though, that I was not afraid. I would deal with her. The new, stony Flavia de Luce would turn her away: send her scurrying with her tail between her legs. The very idea delighted me. By Alan Bradley Wards Matron Forward Moment Sail

What intrigued me more than anything else was finding out the way in which everything, all of creation - all of it! - was held together by invisible chemical bonds, and I found a strange, inexplicable comfort in knowing that somewhere, even though we couldn't see it in our own world, there was a real stability. By Alan Bradley Creation Intrigued Finding Bonds Strange

While you've been gadding about the countryside, we've held a meeting, and we've all of us decided that you must go.'In short, we've voted you out of the family,' Daffy said. 'It was unanimous. By Alan Bradley Daffy Countryside Meeting Short Family

I remembered that Johnson had declared portrait painting to be an improper employment for a woman. "Public practice of any art and staring in men's faces is very indelicate in a female," he had said. Well I'd seen Dr. Johnson's face in the book's frontispiece and I couldn't imagine anyone male or female wanting to stare into it for any length of time - the man was an absolute toad. By Alan Bradley Johnson Woman Public Remembered Declared

Kill him." Dr. Kissing repeated my words in a flat, matter-of-fact voice. "Just so. But 'kill,' as you will have observed, like 'spy' and 'stop,' is really just one more of those short but exceedingly troublesome words. By Alan Bradley Kill Voice Kissing Words Spy

Here we were, Father and I, shut up in a plain little room, and for the first time in my life having something that might pass for a conversation. We were talking to one another almost like adults; almost like one human being to another; almost like father and daughter. And even though I couldn't think of anything to say, I felt myself wanting it to go on and on until the last star blinked out. By Alan Bradley Father Shut Room Conversation Plain

Although I was amused at the mad scientist's idea of injecting a powerful bleach to render himself invisible, what truly shocked me was the way he treated his laboratory equipment. "It's just a fill-um, dear," Mrs. Mullet said, as I gripped her arm during the smashing of the glassware. By Alan Bradley Invisible Equipment Amused Mad Scientist

It is not unknown for fathers with a brace of daughters to reel off their names in order of birth when summoning the youngest, and I had long ago become accustomed to being called 'Ophelia Daphne Flavia, damn it. By Alan Bradley Ophelia Flavia Daphne Youngest Called

I lay for a long time in silence, staring at the ceiling. Was my life always to be like this? I wondered. Was it going to go, forever, in an instant, from sunshine to shadow? From pandemonium to loneliness? From fierce anger to a fiercer kind of love? By Alan Bradley Silence Staring Ceiling Lay Long

Growing up is like that, I suppose. The strings fall away and you're left standing on your own. By Alan Bradley Growing Suppose Strings Fall Left

Saint Paul on the road to Damascus might have pleaded sunstroke, for example, and the world would have been a different place. By Alan Bradley Paul Damascus Saint Sunstroke Place

I was gazing at a cup of cocoa on my night table. As I focused on the thick brown skin that had formed upon its surface like ice on a muddy pond something at the root of my tongue leapt like a little goat and my stomach turned over. There are not many things that I despise but chiefest among them is skin on milk. I loathe it with a passion. Not even the thought of the marvelous chemical change that forms the stuff - the milk's proteins churned and ripped apart by the heat of boiling then reassembling themselves as they cool into a jellied skin - was enough to console me. I would rather eat a cobweb. By Alan Bradley Table Skin Gazing Cup Cocoa

Chicken fizz! O Lord, protect all of us who toil in the vineyards of experimental chemistry! By Alan Bradley Chicken Fizz Lord Protect Chemistry

I visualized myself pulling on my mental thinking cap, jamming it down around my ears as I had taught myself to do. It was a tall, conical wizard's model, covered with chemical equations and formulae: a cornucopia of ideas. By Alan Bradley Cap Jamming Visualized Pulling Mental

Sorry, old girl," I said to [my bicycle] Gladys in the gray dishwater light of early morning, "but I have to leave you at home."I could see that she was disappointed, even though she managed to put on a brave face."I need you to stay here as a decoy," I whispered. "When they see you leaning against the greenhouse, they'll think I'm still in bed." Gladys brightened considerably at the thought of a conspiracy. [ ... ]At the corner of the garden, I turned, and mouthed the words, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do," and Gladys signaled that she wouldn't.I was off like a shot. By Alan Bradley Gladys Girl Bicycle Morning Home

Duty is the best and wisest of all teachers. By Alan Bradley Duty Teachers Wisest

Keep quiet about a toothpick in today's butter and next thing you know you'll be findin' a doorknob in the cottage cheese. By Alan Bradley Findin Cheese Quiet Toothpick Today

I dwelt there by choice in privacy and peace. By Alan Bradley Peace Dwelt Choice Privacy

This was an interesting thought; it had never occurred to me that one's name could be a compass. By Alan Bradley Thought Compass Interesting Occurred

But what he said was true enough: I had recently destroyed a perfectly good set of wire braces by straightening them to pick a lock. Father had grumbled, of course, but had made another appointment to have me netted and dragged back up to London, to that third-floor ironmonger's shop in Farringdon Street, where I would be strapped to a board like Boris Karloff as various bits of ironmongery were shoved into my mouth, screwed in, and bolted to my gums. By Alan Bradley Lock True Recently Destroyed Perfectly

A pillar of strength, Daffy had once remarked, was a nice way of saying someone was terminally bossy, By Alan Bradley Daffy Strength Remarked Bossy Pillar

Now, glancing over ... as she knelt with her eyes closed, her fingertips touching and pointed to Heaven, and her lips shaping soft words of devotion, I had to pinch myself to keep in mind that I was sitting next to the Devil's Hairball. By Alan Bradley Glancing Heaven Hairball Devil Closed

I detected instantly that she didn't like me. It's a fact of life that a girl can tell in a flash if another girl likes her. Feely says that there is a broken telephone connection between men and women, and we can never know which of us rang off. With a boy you never know whether he's smitten or gagging, but with a girl you can tell in the first three seconds. Between girls there is a silent and unending flow of invisible signals, like the high frequency wireless messages between the shore and the ships at sea, and this secret flow of dots and dashes was signalling that Mary detesting me. By Alan Bradley Girl Detected Instantly Flow Mary

There's an unwritten law of the universe which assures that the thing you seek will always be found in the last place you look. It applies to everything in life from lost socks to misplaced poisons ... By Alan Bradley Unwritten Law Universe Assures Thing

Was my life always to be like this? I wondered.Was it going to go, forever, in an instant, from sunshine to shadow? From pandemonium to loneliness? From fierce anger to a fiercer kind of love?Something was missing. I was sure of it. Something was missing, but I couldn't for the life of me think what it was. By Alan Bradley Missing Life Forever Instant Shadow

I had suddenly become aware of my hands, which meant only one thing: It was time to say my farewells and make a gracefulor at least dignifiedexit.Dogger had once told me, 'Your hands know when it's time to go.'And he had been right. The hands are the canaries in one's own personal coal mine: They need to be watched carefully and obeyed. A fidget demands attention, and a full-blown not-knowing-what-to-do-with-them means 'Vamoose! By Alan Bradley Time Hands Thing Suddenly Aware

Anne of Green Gables was cuddled up next to Huckleberry Finn; The Hunchback of Notre Dame was wedged tightly between Heidi and Little Women; and Nicholas Nickleby leaned in a familiar way against A Girl of the Limberlost. None of the books were in alphabetical order, which made it necessary to cock my head sideways to read each one of the spines. By the end of the third shelf I had begun to realize why librarians are sometimes able to achieve such pinnacles of crankiness: It's because they're in agony. If only publishers could be persuaded, I thought, to stamp all book titles horizontally instead of vertically, a great deal of unpleasantness could be avoided all round. By Alan Bradley Finn Women Limberlost Green Gables

Simple pleasures are best. By Alan Bradley Simple Pleasures

I've always been amazed by the ease with which a stranger's life can be reconstructed by simply snooping through their belongings. Art and imagination combine to tell a tale that's more complete than even a fat printed biography could ever hope to equal. And Mr. Denning was no exception: His secrets were laid so bare that I felt I ought to be apologizing. By Alan Bradley Belongings Amazed Ease Stranger Life

Mrs. Mullet, when it came to gossip, was equaled only by the News of the World. By Alan Bradley Mullet World Mrs Gossip Equaled

It's a fact of life that a girl can tell in a flash if another girl likes her ... Between girls there is a silent and unending flow of invisible signals, like the high-frequency wireless messages between the shore and the ships at sea, and this secret flow of dots and dashes was signaling that Mary detested me. By Alan Bradley Fact Life Flash Girl Flow

The panel on the right portrayed Jesus emerging from his tomb, as Mary Magdalene, in a red dress (also iron, or perhaps grated particles of gold), holds out to him a purple garment (manganese dioxide) and a loaf of yellow bread (silver chloride). By Alan Bradley Magdalene Jesus Mary Tomb Dress

It says somewhere - in the Book of Proverbs, I think - that lying lips are abomination to the Lord, but they that deal truly are his delight. I considered my words carefully before I spoke them. By Alan Bradley Proverbs Lord Book Delight Lying

Whenever I'm a little blue I think about cyanide, whose color so perfectly reflects my mood. It is pleasant to think that the manioc plant, which grows in Brazil, contains enormous quantities of the stuff in its thirty-pound roots, all of which, unfortunately, is washed away before the residue is used to make our daily tapioca. By Alan Bradley Cyanide Mood Blue Color Perfectly

I found a dead body in the cucumber patch,' I told them.'How very like you,' Ophelia said, and went on preening her eyebrows. By Alan Bradley Ophelia Patch Them Eyebrows Found

There are choices in life which you are aware, even as you make them, cannot be undone; choices after which, once made, things will never be the same.There is that moment when you can still walk away, but if you do, you will never know what might have been. By Alan Bradley Choices Aware Undone Made Things

I want to know who I am before it is too late - before I am no longer the same person - before I become someone different. Although there are days when this seems a furious race against time, there are others when it seems to matter not a tinker's curse. By Alan Bradley Late Person Longer Time Curse

Mediocrity, I discovered, was the great camouflage; the great protective coloring. Those boys who did not fail, yet did not excel, were left alone, free of the demands of the master who might wish to groom them for glory and of the school bully who might make them his scapegoat. That simple fact was the first great discovery of my life. By Alan Bradley Mediocrity Great Discovered Camouflage Coloring

What are we going to do, Dogger?'It seemed a reasonable question. After all he had been through, surely Dogger knew something of hopeless situations. 'We shall wait upon tomorrow,' he said. 'Butwhat if tomorrow is worse than today?''Then we shall wait upon the day after tomorrow.''And so forth?' I asked. 'And so forth,' Dogger said. By Alan Bradley Dogger Question Wait Reasonable Tomorrow

...and I realized not without a sinking feeling that he was already completely in Feely's thrall, hanging on her every word like ball on a rubber string, nodding like a demented woodpecker, and grinning like a fool. By Alan Bradley Feely Thrall Hanging String Nodding

I had to suppress a smile. Sherlock Holmes once remarked of his brother, Mycroft, that you were as unlikely to find him outside of the Diogenes Club as you were to meet a tramcar coming down a country lane. Like Mycroft, Father had his rails, and he ran on them. Except for church and the occasional short-tempered dash to the train to attend a stamp show, Father seldom, if ever, stuck his nose out-of-doors. By Alan Bradley Mycroft Father Smile Suppress Holmes

I shot him a broad smile, a smile wide enough to present him with a good view of the wire braces that caged my teeth. Although they gave me the look of a dirigible with the skin off, Father always liked being reminded that he was getting his money's worth. By Alan Bradley Smile Teeth Shot Broad Wide

I wish I could say I was afraid, but I wasn't. Quite the contrary. This was by far the most interesting thing that had ever happened to me in my entire life By Alan Bradley Afraid Contrary Life Interesting Thing

When it comes to diamonds, there is one power which they possess without a doubt, and that is the power to make people kill." "Are you talking about Mr. Collicutt?" I asked. "To be blunt, yes. Which is why I want you to keep well away from the church. Let me deal with it. That's why I'm in Bishop's Lacey. It's my job." "Is it?" I asked. "I should have thought it Inspector Hewitt's." "There are more things in heaven and earth than Inspector Hewitt," Adam said. "May I ask you one question?" I said, screwing up my courage. "You may try." "Who are you working for?" The air between By Alan Bradley Power Diamonds Doubt Kill Hewitt

A boy is content to be made into a civil man by caning, or any one of a number of other stratagems, but a girl, being disqualified by Nature, as it were, from such physical brutality, must remain forever something of a terra incognita. Don't you think? By Alan Bradley Nature Caning Stratagems Girl Brutality

Lobsters, snails, crabs, clams, squids, slugs, and members of the European royal families, by contrast, have blue blood, due to the fact that it's based on copper rather than iron. By Alan Bradley Lobsters Snails Crabs Clams Squids

In ordinary circumstances, I would have responded to such a command by sending up a reply that would have given Undine's mother a perm that would be truly everlasting, but I restrained myself. By Alan Bradley Undine Circumstances Everlasting Ordinary Responded

Playing the clown is not an easy task. Clowns, I have come to believe, are placed upon the earth solely to fill the needs of others, while running perilously close to "Empty" themselves. By Alan Bradley Playing Task Empty Easy Clown

It always surprises me after a family row to find that the world outdoors has remained the same. While the passions and feelings that accumulate like noxious gases inside a house seem to condense and cling to the walls and ceilings like old smoke the out-of-doors is different. The landscape seems incapable of accumulating human radiation. Perhaps the wind blows anger away. By Alan Bradley Surprises Family Row Find World

Whenever I'm with other people, part of me shrinks a little. Only when I am alone can I fully enjoy my own company. By Alan Bradley People Part Shrinks Company Fully

Then I remembered that silence can sometimes do more damage than words. By Alan Bradley Words Remembered Silence Damage

There's a lot to be said for being alone. But you and I know, don't we, Flavia, that being alone and being lonely are not at all the same thing? By Alan Bradley Flavia Lot Thing Lonely

Being alone," I snapped, without meaning to be intentionally rude. I was simply being truthful. "Being alone," she said, nodding. I could see that she was not put off by my bristling reply. "There's a lot to be said for being alone. But you and I know, don't we, Flavia, that being alone and being lonely are not at all the same thing?" I brightened a bit. Here was someone who seemed at least to have thought through some of the same things I had. By Alan Bradley Snapped Rude Meaning Intentionally Flavia

So that was it. As at a birth, so at a death. Without so much as a kiss-me-quick-and-mind-the-marmalade, the only female in sight is enlisted to trot off and see that the water is boiled. Rustle something up, indeed! What did he take me for, some kind of cowboy? By Alan Bradley Birth Death Boiled Rustle Cowboy

Vaporized by the sun! Wasn't that what the universe had in store for all of us? There would come a day when the sun exploded like a red balloon, and everyone on earth would be reduced in less than a camera flash to carbon. Didn't Genesis say as much? For dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. This was far more than dull old theology: It was precise scientific observation! Carbon was the Great Levelerthe Grim Reaper.Diamonds were nothing more than carbon, but carbon in a crystal lattice that made it the hardest known mineral in nature. That was the way we all were headed. I was sure of it. We were destined to be diamonds! By Alan Bradley Carbon Vaporized Sun Dust Thou

(The doorbell rang) ... I knew that Feely and Daffy would never condescend to respond to a bell ("So utterly Pavlovian," Feely said) ... Keep warm feet and a cool head, and you'll never find yourself sneezing in bed. By Alan Bradley Rang Feely Doorbell Pavlovian Daffy

I had once remarked to Feely that, because of the oxygen, breathing fresh air was like breathing God, but she had slapped my face and told me I was being blasphemous. By Alan Bradley God Feely Oxygen Blasphemous Breathing

One full wall was given over to Father's stamp albums, fat leather volumes whose colors indicated the reign of each monarch: black for Queen Victoria, red for Edward the Seventh, green for George the Fifth, and blue for our present monarch, George the Sixth. By Alan Bradley George Monarch Victoria Seventh Sixth

The leaves of his albums were masterpieces. The colors! And the way in which they ranged across the page, each one a dab from the palette of a Turner. They began, of course, with the black issues of 1840. But soon the black warms to brown, the brown to red, the red to orange, the orange to bright carmine; on to indigo, and Venetian red - a bright blossoming of color, as if to paint the bursting into bloom of the Empire itself. There's glory for you! By Alan Bradley Masterpieces Red Leaves Albums Black

I had concocted the gunpowder myself from niter, sulfur, charcoal, and a happy heart. When working with explosives, I've found that attitude is everything. By Alan Bradley Sulfur Charcoal Niter Heart Concocted

No sooner was I safely among the gravestones than a great feeling of warmth and calm contentment came sweeping over me.Life among the dead.This was where I was meant to be!What a revelation! And what a place to have it!I could succeed at whatever I chose. I could, for instance, become an undertaker. Or a pathologist. A detective, a gravedigger, a tombstone maker, or even the world's greatest murderer.Suddenly the world was my oystereven if it was a dead one. By Alan Bradley Revelation Sooner Safely Gravestones Great

If God meant for pictures to be sent through the air He'd have never would have given us cinema. Or the national gallery. By Alan Bradley God Cinema Meant Pictures Air

I was the eighth dwarf. Sneaky. By Alan Bradley Sneaky Dwarf Eighth

You must have loved her awfully," I said, realizing even as I spoke that I made it sound as if Fenella were already dead. "Yes, sometimes very much," Porcelain said reflectively, "-and sometimes not at all." She must have seen my startled reaction. "Love's not some big river that flows on and on forever, and if you believe it is, you're a bloody fool. It can be dammed up until nothing's left but a trickle ... " "Or stopped completely, I added. By Alan Bradley Fenella Realizing Dead Loved Spoke

It was easy enough to see why God, having called the dry land "Earth" and the gathering together of the waters "the Seas," saw that it was good. I could picture the Old Fellow lifting up the horizon like the lid of a stewing pot and peeking in with one red eye to admire His Creation: to see how it was coming along. It was good! By Alan Bradley Earth God Seas Good Land

The first thing they would do would be to open my mouth and extract the soggy ball of my handkerchief, and as they spread it out flat on the table beside my white remains, an orange stamp - a stamp belonging to the King - would flutter to the floor: It was like something right out of Agatha Christie. By Alan Bradley King Christie Stamp Agatha Handkerchief

One of the things I love about myself is my ability to remain open to suggestion. By Alan Bradley Suggestion Things Love Ability Remain

I was an early reader, and my grandmother, who as a child had been forbidden to read by a father who believed books to be frivolous time-wasters, delighted in putting her favorite volumes into her grandchildren's hands. By Alan Bradley Reader Grandmother Timewasters Delighted Hands

Mirages of happiness, I thought. If you walk towards them, they will never grow any closer. Eventually they will vanish into thin air, like the Lady of the Lake. By Alan Bradley Mirages Happiness Thought Lake Closer

Books are like oxygen to a deep-sea diver," she had once said. "Take them away and you might as well begin counting the bubbles. By Alan Bradley Books Diver Oxygen Deepsea Bubbles

IT WAS ONE OF those glorious days in March when the air was so fresh that you worshipped every whiff of it; that each breath of the intoxicating stuff created such new universes in your lungs and brain you were certain you were about to explode with sheer joy; one of those blustery days of scudding clouds and piddling showers and gum boots and wind-blown brollies that made you know you were truly alive. By Alan Bradley Days March Joy Alive Glorious

I had to make water " I said. It was the classic female excuse and no male in recorded history had ever questioned it. "I see " the Inspector said and left it at that. Later I would have a quick piddle behind the caravan for insurance purposes. No one would be any the wiser. By Alan Bradley Water Make Inspector Classic Female

I remembered that Beethoven's symphonies had sometimes been given names ... they should have call [the Fifth] the Vampire, because it simply refused to lie down and die. By Alan Bradley Beethoven Vampire Remembered Symphonies Call

It's not polite to ask " he said with a slight smile. "One must never ask a policeman his secrets." "Why not " "For the same reason I don't ask you yours." How I adored this man! Here we were the two of us engaged in a mental game of chess in which both of us knew that one of us was cheating. At the risk of repetition, how I adored this man! By Alan Bradley Smile Polite Slight Man Adored

I am often thought of as being remarkably bright, and yet my brains, more often than not, are busily devising new and interesting ways of bringing my enemies to sudden, gagging, writhing, agonizing death. By Alan Bradley Gagging Writhing Bright Brains Sudden

It was like a bit of flypaper stuck to your finger that you couldn't shake off. The bloody thing clung to life like a limpet. By Alan Bradley Bit Flypaper Stuck Finger Shake

As I stood outside in Cow Lane, it occurred to me that Heaven must be a place where the library is open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.No ... eight days a week. By Alan Bradley Lane Cow Heaven Weekno Days

it occurred to me that Heaven must be a place where the library is open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. By Alan Bradley Heaven Week Occurred Place Library

The woman was putting her purse in the drawer and settling down behind the desk, and I realized I had never seen her before in my life. Her face was as wrinkled as one of those forgotten apples you sometimes find in the pocket of last year's winter jacket.Yes? she said, peering over her spectacles. They teach them to do that at the Royal Academy of Library Science. By Alan Bradley Desk Life Woman Putting Purse

They seem nice, though, your sisters, really,' Porcelain remarked.'Ha!' I said. 'Shows what little you know! I hate them!''Hate them? I should have thought you'd love them.''Of course I love them,' I said ... 'That's why I'm so good at hating them. By Alan Bradley Porcelain Nice Sisters Remarked Hate

The spectrum on the list is very broad. It includes leftists who think that whiny liberals should be stuffed in a sack and drowned. By Alan Bradley Broad Spectrum List Drowned Includes

Being Flavia de Luce was like being a sublimate: like the black crystal residue that is left on the cold glass of a test tube by the violet fumes of iodine. By Alan Bradley Flavia Luce Sublimate Iodine Black

My grandmother flew only once in her life, and that was the day she and her new husband ascended into the skies of Victorian London in the wicker basket of a hot-air balloon. They were soon to emigrate to Canada, and the aerial ride was meant to be a last view of their beloved England. By Alan Bradley Victorian London Life Balloon Grandmother

Theater, I suppose, is a form of mass mesmerism, and if that's the case, Shakespeare, despite his chemical shortcomings, was surely one of the greatest hypnotists who ever lived. By Alan Bradley Shakespeare Theater Suppose Mesmerism Case

I have always found there to be a certain sadness about mirrors, since they double the space in a house which needs to be filled with love. By Alan Bradley Mirrors Love Found Sadness Double

Still, one of my Rules of Life is this: When you want something, bite your tongue. By Alan Bradley Rules Life Bite Tongue

Although it seems shocking to say so, grief is a funny thing. On the one hand, you're numb, yet on the other, something inside is trying desperately to claw its way back to normal: to pull a funny face, to leap out like a jack-in-the-box, to say Smile, damn you, smile! By Alan Bradley Funny Smile Grief Thing Shocking

I waved my hand like a frantic dust mop fingers spread ludicrously wide apart as if to say "What jolly fun " What I wanted to do actually was to leap to my feet strike a pose and burst into one of those "Yo-ho for the open road " songs they always play in the cinema musicals but I stifled the urge and settled for a ghastly grin and an extra twiddle of the fingers. By Alan Bradley Yoho Fingers Fun Road Songs

You can learn from a glance at anyone's library, not what they are, but what they wish to be. By Alan Bradley Library Learn Glance

My head was spinning. I could think of nothing better to calm it down than the Oxford English Dictionary. By Alan Bradley Spinning Dictionary Head Oxford English

It is no longer enough simply to solve crimes: We modern private detectives must also be able to come up with catchy names for our cases. By Alan Bradley Crimes Cases Longer Simply Solve

I brought to mind the image of the stranger lying there in the first light of dawn: the slight growth of whiskers on his chin, strands of his red hair shifting gently on the faint stirrings of the morning breeze, the pallor, the extended legs, the quivering fingers, that last, sucking breath. And that word, blown into my face ... "Vale."The thrill of it all!Yes," I said, "it was devastating. By Alan Bradley Dawn Chin Strands Breeze Pallor

It was the chemistry that caused this lifting of the spirits. Chemistry lifted you up out of the mud and flung you up among the stars. Except, By Alan Bradley Spirits Chemistry Caused Lifting Stars

You are unreliable, Flavia,' he said. 'Utterly unreliable.'Of course I was! It was one of the things I loved most about myself. By Alan Bradley Flavia Unreliable Utterly Things Loved

There is always something vaguely unsettling about being alone in an empty building that is not your own. It is as if, whenever present inhabitants are away, the phantoms of former owners come shimmering out of the woodwork to protect their territory. Although you cannot see these ghosts, you can certainly feel their unwelcoming presence, and sometimes even smell them: a sort of shivering in the air that tells you that you're not alone and not wanted. By Alan Bradley Vaguely Unsettling Empty Building Territory

That's him!" he said. "That's the one!" "Is it, indeed?" Inspector Hewitt asked, as he lifted the cap from my head and took the gown from my shoulders with the gentle deference of a valet. The little man's pale blue eyes bulged visibly in their sockets. "Why, it's only a girl!" he said. I could have slapped his face. By Alan Bradley Hewitt Inspector Asked Valet Sockets

Father looked puzzled. My witty repartee was completely lost on him. By Alan Bradley Father Puzzled Looked Witty Repartee

Good morning, Flavia, she said at last, but her acknowledgment of my presence came too late for my liking. By Alan Bradley Flavia Good Morning Liking Acknowledgment

TV and film taught me to think cinematically. Teaching others to edit, for example, provides a great deal of insight into the millions of ways in which given elements can be put together to tell a story. By Alan Bradley Cinematically Film Taught Teaching Edit

I have to admit, though, that Cynthia was a great organizer, but then, so were the men with whips who got the pyramids built. By Alan Bradley Cynthia Admit Organizer Built Great

There is genuine joy in being alone in the dark inside your own head with no outside distractions, where you can scramble from ledge to rocky ledge, hallooing happily in a vast, echoing cave; climbing hand over hand from ledge to ledge of facts and memories, picking up old gems and new: examining, comparing, putting them down again and reaching for the next. By Alan Bradley Ledge Examining Comparing Hand Distractions

What else?"Nothing," Dogger said. "Just sign it. "Kings prefer brevity. By Alan Bradley Dogger Kings Brevity Sign Prefer

I suddenly realized that there's something about singing hymns with a large group of people that sharpens the senses remarkably. I stored this observation away for later use; it was a jolly good thing to know for anyone practicing the art of detection. By Alan Bradley Remarkably Suddenly Realized Singing Hymns

Toccata by Pietro Domenico Paradisi - the one from his Sonata in A Major - come tripping out to meet me. The Toccata was my favorite composition; to my mind it was the greatest musical accomplishment in the entire history of the world, but I knew that if Ophelia found that out, By Alan Bradley Paradisi Major Pietro Domenico Sonata

Dieter, you're a brick!" I shouted. I couldn't help it. Dieter looked as pleased as punch. To him, being called a brick by an English native was probably more precious than a knighthood. By Alan Bradley Dieter Brick Shouted English Punch

The first step in gaining the upper hand is always to seize the moral high ground, and to be able to do this with no more than a single word is nothing short of genius. I By Alan Bradley Ground Genius Step Gaining Upper

If there is a thing I truly despise, it is being addressed as "dearie." When I write my magnum opus, A Treatise Upon All Poison, and come to "Cyanide," I am going to put under "Uses" the phrase "Particularly efficacious in the cure of those who call one 'Dearie. By Alan Bradley Dearie Despise Cyanide Thing Addressed

Do What?' 'Lie,' he said. 'Why do you fabricate these outlandish stories?''Well,' I wanted to say, 'there are those of us who create because all around us, things visible and invisible are crumbling. We are like the stonemasons of Babylon, forever working, as it says in Jeremiah, to shore up the city of walls.'I didn't say that, of course. What I did say was: 'I don't know. By Alan Bradley Lie Babylon Jeremiah Stories Things

I hoisted the lid off the Spode vegetable dish and, from the depths of its hand-painted butterflies and raspberries, spooned out a generous helping of peas. Using my knife as a ruler and my fork as a prod, I marshaled the peas so that they formed meticulous rows and columns across my plate: rank upon rank of little green spheres, spaced with a precision that would have delighted the heart of the most exacting Swiss watchmaker. Then, beginning at the bottom left, I speared the first pea with my fork and ate it. By Alan Bradley Spode Raspberries Spooned Peas Hoisted

Horehound sticks are meant to be shared with friends, don't you think?' She was dead wrong about that: Horehound sticks were meant to be gobbled down in solitary gluttony, and preferably in a locked room, but I didn't dare say so. By Alan Bradley Horehound Friends Sticks Meant Shared

I remembered Father remarking once that if rudeness was not attributable to ignorance it could be taken as a sure sign that one was speaking to a member of the aristocracy. By Alan Bradley Father Aristocracy Remembered Remarking Rudeness

Compared with my life Cinderella was a spoiled brat. By Alan Bradley Cinderella Compared Brat Life Spoiled

Tolstoy had written something about happy families being all alike and unhappy ones each unhappy in its own way. By Alan Bradley Tolstoy Unhappy Written Happy Families

As anybody with two older sisters can tell you, a closed door is like a red rag to a bull. It cannot go unchallenged. By Alan Bradley Bull Older Sisters Closed Door

If poisons were ponies, I'd put my money on cyanide. By Alan Bradley Ponies Cyanide Poisons Put Money

Sanctified cyanideSuper-quick arsenicHiggledy-piggledyInto the Soup.Put out the mourning lampsCall for coffin clampsTeach them to trifle withFlavia de Luce! By Alan Bradley Luce Sanctified Cyanidesuperquick Arsenichiggledypiggledyinto Soupput

Perhaps, I thought, whenever we began to breathe the breath of others, when the spinning atoms of their bodies began to mingle withour own, we took on something of their personality, like crystals in a snowflake. Perhaps we became something more, yet something lesser than ourselves. By Alan Bradley Began Thought Personality Snowflake Breathe

Although Fate loves coincidences, it does not chew its cabbage twice. By Alan Bradley Fate Coincidences Loves Chew Cabbage

I had long ago discovered that when a word or formula refused to come to mind the best thing for it was to think of something else: tigers for instance or oatmeal. Then when the fugitive word was least expecting it I would suddenly turn the full blaze of my attention back onto it catching the culprit in the beam of my mental torch before it could sneak off again into the darkness. By Alan Bradley Tigers Oatmeal Word Long Ago

The exchange of a wife for a pair of gates( "The finest this side Paradise,") Brandwyn had written in his diary By Alan Bradley Paradise Brandwyn Gates Diary Exchange

I was halfway up the stairs when the doorbell rang. "Dash it all!" I said. There was nothing I hated more than being interrupted when I was about to do something gratifying with chemicals. By Alan Bradley Rang Halfway Stairs Doorbell Dash

True charity, I had discovered, consists in swallowing an invisible flaming sword. By Alan Bradley True Charity Discovered Consists Sword

Defending oneself by hiding behind the rules was a clever trick, like using a mouse to stampede the enemy's elephants and causing them to trample him to death. By Alan Bradley Defending Trick Death Oneself Hiding

I was proud of my strategy. It was one I had been saving for just such an occasion as this. Who can say no to a personal matter? Even God is curious about such things, which is why He listens to our prayers. By Alan Bradley Strategy Proud God Matter Saving

... it is a well-known fact that more than two men shut up together in an enclosed space for more than an hour constitute a hazard to society. If unpleasantness is to be avoided, they must be made to go outdoors and work off their animal spirits. By Alan Bradley Society Avoided Spirits Wellknown Fact

I was learning that the best conversations consisted of keeping quiet and listening, and speaking, when one spoke at all, in words of a single syllable. By Alan Bradley Listening Speaking Syllable Learning Conversations

I wanted to cry.I also wanted to go to my laboratory and prepare an enormous batch of nitrogen triiodide with which to blow up, in a spectacular mushroom cloud of purple vapor, the world and everyone in it. By Alan Bradley Wanted Vapor Cryi Laboratory Prepare

There is a certain type of person to whom a closed door is a challenge - a dare, a taunt, a glove thrown down - and I am one of them. A closed door is more than a mystery to be solved: It's an insult. A slap in the face. By Alan Bradley Closed Door Challenge Dare Taunt

Thinking and prayer are much the same thing anyway, when you stop to think about it if that makes any sense. Prayer goes up and thought comes down or so it seems. As far as I can tell, that's the only difference. By Alan Bradley Thinking Sense Prayer Thing Stop

Except I'm aware that as a writer you can't get away with as much writing for children as you can with adults. Children have much more finely tuned senses of justice, morals, and ethics. They are much more Platonic: children are symmetrical, before we begin to fragment them with our own nonsensical ideas and squelch their natural joy in knowledge. By Alan Bradley Adults Children Aware Writer Writing

The Lord bless me and keep me and make His face to shine upon me; may He fill me with great grace and lightning-quick thinking. By Alan Bradley Lord Thinking Bless Make Face

I drew in a deep breath, sucking the sour tange into my lungs and savoring the chemical smell of decay. But this was no time for pleasant reflections. By Alan Bradley Breath Sucking Decay Drew Deep

Poise was keeping your knees and your lips together, your eyebrows and your nostrils apart. By Alan Bradley Poise Keeping Knees Lips Eyebrows

The de Luce coat of arms: per bend sinister sable and argent, two lucies haurient counterchanged. The crest, the moon in her detriment, and the motto "Dare Lucem." "The moon in her detriment" was a moon eclipsed, and the "lucies," of course, were silver and black luces, or pikes, a double pun on the name de Luce. "Haurient" meant simply that the pikes were standing on their fishy tails. By Alan Bradley Luce Moon Detriment Arms Argent

Had I been too cruel to that horror, Miss Mountjoy? Too vindictive? Wasn't she, after all, just a harmless and lonely old spinster? Would a Larry de Luce have been more understanding? 'Hell, no!' I shouted into the wind ... By Alan Bradley Miss Mountjoy Horror Hell Cruel

I knew that Feely and Daffy would never condescend to respond to a bell "So utterly Pavlovian," Feely said By Alan Bradley Pavlovian Feely Daffy Bell Knew

People love to talkespecially when the talking involves answering the questions of othersbecause it makes them feel wanted. [ ... ] I had long ago discovered that the best way to obtain answers about anything was to walk up to the closest person and ask. By Alan Bradley People Wanted Love Talkespecially Talking

Spare us the pout, there's enough lip in the world without you adding to it. By Alan Bradley Spare Pout Lip World Adding

Inspector Hewitt flicked on the defroster to evaporate the condensation our words were forming on the windscreen. By Alan Bradley Hewitt Inspector Windscreen Flicked Defroster

AND THE PERSON OUTSIDE TO WHOM YOU WERE speaking?" Inspector Hewitt asked. "Dogger," I said. "First name?" "Flavia," I said. I couldn't help myself. By Alan Bradley Person Speaking Dogger Flavia Hewitt

We always want to love the recipients of our charity," the doctor said, negotiating a sharp bend in the road with a surprising demonstration of steering skill, "but it is not necessary. Indeed, it is sometimes not possible. By Alan Bradley Charity Negotiating Skill Love Recipients

Not very good with death? Father was a military man, and military men lived with death; lived for death; lived on death. To a professional soldier, oddly enough, death was life. By Alan Bradley Death Lived Good Military Father

But when oxidation nibbles more slowly - more delicately, like a tortoise - at the world around us, without a flame, we call it rust and we sometimes scarcely notice as it goes about its business consuming everything from hairpins to whole civilizations. By Alan Bradley Slowly Delicately Tortoise Flame Civilizations

Oxidation, I never tire of reminding myself, is what happens when oxygen attacks. By Alan Bradley Oxidation Attacks Tire Reminding Oxygen

Feely had the knack of being able to screw one side of her face into a witchlike horror while keeping the other as sweet and demure as any maiden from Tennyson. It was perhaps, the one thing I envied her. By Alan Bradley Tennyson Feely Knack Screw Side

Pulling on a pair of cotton gardening gloves that had been tucked into my belt, and launching into a loudly whistled rendition of "Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo," I went to work. By Alan Bradley Pulling Belt Work Pair Cotton

You're in for it this time,' she said. 'Father's been looking for you all afternoon, He's just got off the telephone with Constable Linnet, in the village. I must say he seemed rather dissapointed to hear that they hadn't fished your soggy little corpse out of the duck pond. By Alan Bradley Time Father Linnet Constable Afternoon

Why don't they embed the dead in blocks of plate glass and bury them in crypts beneath transparent floors? In that way, the deceased would easily be able to see God for themselves, and He to see them, By Alan Bradley Floors Embed Dead Blocks Plate

If stupidity were theoretical physics, then I would be Albert Einstein. By Alan Bradley Einstein Albert Physics Stupidity Theoretical

I was me, I was Flavia. And I loved myself, even if no one else did. By Alan Bradley Flavia Loved

The press was ruthless, but then so was the church.Flavia de Luce By Alan Bradley Luce Ruthless Press Churchflavia

Nature does abhor a vacuum, but she equally abhors pressure. By Alan Bradley Nature Vacuum Pressure Equally Abhor

It's amazing what the discovery of a corpse can do for one's spirits. By Alan Bradley Spirits Amazing Discovery Corpse

Was it wrong to be so deceitful? Well, yes, it probably was. But if God hadn't wanted me to be the way I am, He would have arranged to have me born a haddock instead of Flavia de Luce - wouldn't He? By Alan Bradley Deceitful Wrong Luce God Flavia

Once, when I remarked that she looked like a disoriented bandicoot, she leapt up from the piano bench and beat me within an inch of my life with a rolled-up piano sonata by Schubert. Ophelia has no sense of humor. By Alan Bradley Schubert Bandicoot Piano Remarked Looked

A peculiar feeling passed over meor, rather, through me, as if I were an umbrella remembering what it felt like to pop open in the rain. By Alan Bradley Meor Rain Peculiar Feeling Passed

It is always better, and far more rewarding, I have observed, to have someone else feel sorry for you, than to do the job yourself. By Alan Bradley Rewarding Observed Feel Job

Oh, there you are, you odious little prawn... By Alan Bradley Prawn Odious

I could have gone either north or south but decided to strike off north because it was my favorite direction. By Alan Bradley Direction North South Decided Strike

I was being resisted by millions of tiny crystals, I knew, but the strength of their chemical bonds was enormous. If all of us could be like snow, I thought, how happy we should be. By Alan Bradley Crystals Knew Enormous Resisted Millions

As I had been forced to learn at a very young age, there's no better way to mask a lie - or at least a glaring omission - than to wrap it in an emotional outpouring of truth. By Alan Bradley Age Lie Omission Truth Forced

I wanted to shake the stuffing out of him; I wanted to hug him; I wanted to die. By Alan Bradley Wanted Die Shake Stuffing Hug

I did not elaborate, nor did I need to. The human imagination is capable of anything when left on its own to fill in the blanks. By Alan Bradley Elaborate Blanks Human Imagination Capable

Seed biscuits and milk! I hated Mrs. Mullet's seed biscuits the way Saint Paul hated sin. Perhaps even more so. I wanted to clamber up onto the table, and with a sausage on the end of a fork as my scepter, shout in my best Laurence Olivier voice, 'Will no one rid us of this turbulent pastry cook? By Alan Bradley Milk Seed Biscuits Mrs Mullet

I'll ring for Mrs. Mullet, Feely said, reaching for a velvet pull that hung near the mantelpiece, and which probably hadn't been used since George the Third was foaming at the mouth. By Alan Bradley Mullet Feely Mrs George Reaching

I was learning that among friends, a smile can be better than a belly laugh. By Alan Bradley Friends Laugh Learning Smile Belly

Life's like that, too," Aunt Felicity continued. "Too much push, and bang through the bottom one goes. Still, if one doesn't paddle, one doesn't get anywhere. By Alan Bradley Aunt Felicity Life Continued Push

Impertinent children ought to be given six coats of shellac and set up in public places as a warning to others. By Alan Bradley Impertinent Children Coats Shellac Set

How curious it was, [ ... ], that we humans had taken millions of year to crawl up out of the swamps and yet, within minutes of death, we were already tobogganing back down the slope. By Alan Bradley Death Slope Curious Humans Millions

One could always be helpful, I reminded myself, without spilling one's guts. By Alan Bradley Helpful Guts Reminded Spilling

You're one of them de Luce girls over from Buckshaw. I'd rec'nize them cold blue eyes anywhere. By Alan Bradley Buckshaw Luce Girls Recnize Cold

Tell them we may not be praying with them," Father told the Vicar, "but we are at least not actively praying against them. By Alan Bradley Father Vicar Praying Told Actively

Diamonds were nothing more than carbon, but carbon in a crystal lattice that made it the hardest known mineral in nature. That was the way we all were headed. I was sure of it. We were destined to be diamonds!How exciting it was to think that, long after the world had ended, whatever was left of our bodies would be transformed into a dazzling blizzard of diamond dust, blowing out towards eternity in the red glow of a dying sun. By Alan Bradley Carbon Nature Crystal Lattice Made

Experience has taught me that an expected answer is often better than the truth. By Alan Bradley Experience Truth Taught Expected Answer

One of the things I dread about becoming an adult is that sooner or later you begin letting sentimentality get in the way of simple logic. False feelings are allowed to clog the works like raw honey poured into the tiny wheels of a fine timepiece. By Alan Bradley Logic Things Dread Adult Sooner

I do not encourage early morning chirpiness, even in those whom I know and love. It is generally a sign of a sloppy mind, and is not to be encouraged. By Alan Bradley Chirpiness Love Encourage Early Morning

Magic doesn't work when you're sad. By Alan Bradley Magic Sad Work

I found my eyes repelled by hers as if they were the like poles of a pair of magnets. By Alan Bradley Magnets Found Eyes Repelled Poles

You lie like one of us. By Alan Bradley Lie

Nobody ever simply dies. By Alan Bradley Dies Simply

How very kind of her, ' I said. 'I must remember to send her a card.'I'd send her a card alright. It would be the Ace of Spades, and I'd mail it anonymously from somewhere other than Bishop's Lacey. By Alan Bradley Kind Send Spades Lacey Ace

If ever you're accosted by a man," she'd said, "kick him in the Casanovas and run like blue blazes! By Alan Bradley Casanovas Man Kick Blazes Accosted

I remembered a piece of sisterly advice, which Feely once gave Daffy and me:"If ever you're accosted by a man," she'd said, "kick him in the Casanovas and run like blue blazes!"Although it had sounded at the time like a useful bit of intelligence, the only problem was that I didn't know where the Casanovas were located.I'd have to think of something else. By Alan Bradley Casanovas Feely Daffy Advice Man

Not yet evaluated. She has left it to me to By Alan Bradley Evaluated Left

Although I was flattered to be classed as a grown-up, I was not all that fond of oolong tea, which I found to leave a fishy taste in your mouth and a faint craving for rice. By Alan Bradley Grownup Tea Rice Flattered Classed

... because I was only eleven years old, I was wrapped in the best cloak of invisibility in the world. By Alan Bradley World Eleven Years Wrapped Cloak

As I am now, so you must be, So Friend, prepare to follow me By Alan Bradley Friend Prepare Follow

Shortly after his launch into eternity, Bonepenney's room at the inn is rifled by a maiden fair whose name I dare not utter aloud but who now sits demurely before me ... By Alan Bradley Bonepenney Shortly Eternity Launch Room

Everything is always a muddle just before it settles in. Tell By Alan Bradley Muddle Settles

Poor Dogger! That's what I thought, even though Daphne told me I should never say that about anyone: "It's not only condescending, it fails to take into account the future," she said. By Alan Bradley Dogger Poor Daphne Thought Condescending

It is not the dead who are to be feared, I thought, but rather the living. Only the living can cast you down among the dead. By Alan Bradley Feared Thought Dead Living Cast

Wrapped up in the music, I threw myself into an overstuffed chair and let my legs dangle over the arm, the position in which Nature intended music to be listened to, and for the first time in days I felt the muscles in my neck relaxing. By Alan Bradley Music Nature Wrapped Arm Relaxing

Dreamless nights, I knew, can be the most troubling, since you come back not knowing where you've been or what you've done. By Alan Bradley Dreamless Nights Knew Troubling Back

Think of the billions of trillions of snowflakes, and the billions of trillions of hydrogen and oxygen molecules in every single one of them. It makes you wonder, doesn't it, who wrote the laws for the wind and the rain, the snow and the dew? I've tried to work it out, but it makes my head spin. By Alan Bradley Billions Trillions Snowflakes Hydrogen Oxygen

The best thing for soothing a disappointed mind is oxygen. A couple of deep inhalations of the old "O" rejuvenates every cell in the body. By Alan Bradley Oxygen Thing Soothing Disappointed Mind

I've recently come to the conclusion that the nursery rhyme riddle is the most basic form of the detective story. It's a mystery stripped of all but the essential facts. Take this one, for instance: As By Alan Bradley Story Recently Conclusion Nursery Rhyme

If there is anything more delicious than a sausage roasted over an open Bunsen burner, I can't image what it might bePorcelain and I tore into our food like cannibals after a missionary famine. By Alan Bradley Bunsen Burner Famine Delicious Sausage

Although it is pleasant to think about poison at any season, there is something special about Christmas, and I found myself grinning. By Alan Bradley Christmas Season Grinning Pleasant Poison

Whenever I'm out-of-doors and find myself wanting to have a first-rate think, I fling myself down on my back, throw my arms and legs out so that I look like an asterisk, and gaze at the sky. By Alan Bradley Back Throw Asterisk Sky Find

No point in wasting time with false vanity when you possess the real thing. By Alan Bradley Thing Point Wasting Time False

As Uncle Tarquin de Luce once wrote in the margin of one of his many notebooks of chemical experiments: Consider also the container. By Alan Bradley Uncle Tarquin Luce Experiments Container

I'd learned quite early in life that the mind loves nothing better than to spook itself with outlandish stories, as if the various coils of the brain were no more than a troop of roly-poly Girl Guides huddled over a campfire in the darkness of the skull. By Alan Bradley Girl Guides Stories Skull Learned

We were all of us like the proverbial ships that pass in the night, signaling only briefly to one another before sailing off over the horizon into our own patch of darkness. By Alan Bradley Night Signaling Darkness Proverbial Ships

Flitch, a former tailor who, in the seventeenth century, had founded the Hobblers, a religious sect named for the peculiar shackled gait they adopted as they paced out their prayers. The Hobblers' beliefs seemed to be based largely on such novel ideas as that heaven was handily located six miles above the earth's surface, and that Nicodemus Flitch had been appointed personally by God as His mouthpiece and, as such, was licensed to curse souls to eternity, whenever he felt like it. By Alan Bradley Hobblers Flitch Century Prayers Tailor

A long hallway, hung profusely with dark, water-stained sporting prints, served as a lobby, in which centuries of sacrificed kippers had left the smell of their smoky souls clinging to the wallpaper. Only the patch of sunshine visible through the open front door relieved the gloom By Alan Bradley Hallway Hung Dark Waterstained Prints

I firmly believe it is by sharing such stupid moments as these that we grow into someone other than who we used to be, and I was already feeling an inch taller. By Alan Bradley Taller Firmly Sharing Stupid Moments

It was a lie and I detected it at once. As an accomplished fibber myself, I spotted the telltale signs of an untruth before they were halfway out of his mouth: the excessive detail, the offhand delivery, and the wrapping-up of it all in casual chitchat. By Alan Bradley Lie Detected Mouth Detail Delivery

I always knew that I wanted to work on my own material - something that would be more long-lasting than short-lived electronic transmissions. By Alan Bradley Material Transmissions Knew Wanted Work

Tickling and learning were much the same thing. When you tickle yourself - ecstasy; but when anyone else tickles you - agony. By Alan Bradley Tickling Thing Ecstasy Agony Learning

None of the books were in alphabetical order, which made it necessary to cock my head sideways to read each one of the spines. By the end of the third shelf I began to realize why librarians were sometimes able to achieve such pinnacle levels of crankiness: It's because they're in agony. By Alan Bradley Order Spines Books Alphabetical Made

Mother Goose!I have never much cared for flippant remarks, especially when others make them, and in particular, I don't give a frog's fundament for them when they come from an adult. By Alan Bradley Goose Mother Remarks Adult Cared

Hmmm," he said. "Quite a novel idea, I must say. But hardly conducive to a bestselling, tell-all, no-holds-barred biography. By Alan Bradley Hmmm Tellall Biography Idea Bestselling

Was the pie good, luv?" she asked. I'd forgotten the pie until that moment. I took a leaf from Dr. Darby's notebook. "Um," I said. By Alan Bradley Luv Good Asked Pie Darby

If you remember nothing else, remember this: Inspiration from outside one's self is like the heat in an oven. It makes passable Bath buns. But inspiration from within is like a volcano: It changes the face of the world. By Alan Bradley Remember Oven Inspiration Heat Bath

We might as well face it: Death is a bore. It is even harder on the survivors than on the deceased, who at least don't have to worry about when to sit and when to stand, or when to permit a pale smile and when to glance tragically away. By Alan Bradley Death Bore Face Deceased Stand

To be most effective, flattery is always best applied with a trowel. By Alan Bradley Effective Flattery Trowel Applied

One of the many happy things about physics is that it works anywhere in the world. No matter whether you're in Bishop's Lacey or Bombay, friction is friction. By Alan Bradley World Bombay Happy Things Physics

There are things that are worse than glass and crocodiles. By Alan Bradley Crocodiles Things Worse Glass

Give Nature a vacuum and she will try to fill it. Give her localized pressure and she will try to disperse it. She is forever seeking a balance she can never achieve, never happy with what she's got. By Alan Bradley Nature Give Vacuum Fill Localized

We Three Kings of Leicester Square,Selling ladies' underwear,So fantastic, no elastic,Only tuppence a pair. By Alan Bradley Kings Leicester Fantastic Pair Squareselling

You're certain about that?""I'm quite competent with the chlorinated hydrocarbons, thank you. By Alan Bradley Hydrocarbons Competent Chlorinated

You must never be deflected by unpleasantness. I want you to remember that. Although it may not be apparent to others, your duty will become as clear to you as if it were a white line painted down the middle of the road. You must follow it, Flavia. By Alan Bradley Unpleasantness Deflected Flavia Remember Road

The word "actually," like its cousin "frankly," should, by itself, be a tip-off to most people that what is to follow is a blatant lie - but it isn't. By Alan Bradley Frankly Word Cousin Lie Tipoff

I threw my hands up into the air and launched myself into a series of exuberant triple cartwheels. "Yaroo!" I shouted. By Alan Bradley Yaroo Cartwheels Threw Hands Air

In the December rain, the vicarage was especially damp and soggy, with an aura of boiled eggs and old books - a perfect setting for our encounter: dark, brooding, and simply reeking of secrets and tales told in an earlier time. Cynthia, By Alan Bradley Dark Brooding December Rain Soggy

Translation: She was perishing with nosiness. By Alan Bradley Translation Nosiness Perishing

There had fallen between us what Dogger once referred to as "a companionable silence," a little parcel of time during which neither of us felt any particular need to talk. By Alan Bradley Dogger Silence Talk Fallen Referred

She consumed books like a whale eats krill. By Alan Bradley Krill Consumed Books Whale Eats

Yaroo!" I shouted, and I didn't give a beetle's bottom who heard me. "Ya-rooo! By Alan Bradley Yaroo Yarooo Shouted Give Beetle

If you need me, I shall be weeping at the bottom of my wardrobe. By Alan Bradley Wardrobe Weeping Bottom

Anyone who knew the word slattern was worth cultivating as a friend. By Alan Bradley Friend Knew Word Slattern Worth

If you're insinuating that my personal hygiene is not up to the same high standard as yours you can go suck my galoshes. By Alan Bradley Galoshes Insinuating Personal Hygiene High

I flipped on the switch marked "Shuddering Sobs," but nothing came.Damnation! I used to be a dab hand at water on demand. What on earth was happening to me? Was I becoming hardened? Was this what being twelve was going to be like? By Alan Bradley Shuddering Sobs Marked Camedamnation Flipped

As Daffy once said, the best place to hide a glum countenance is onstage at the opera. By Alan Bradley Daffy Opera Place Hide Glum

The soul, Daffy says, is not necessarily where the heart is. By Alan Bradley Daffy Soul Necessarily Heart

Was he being what Daffy called "ironical"? She had once told me that the word meant the use of veiled sarcasm: the dagger under the silk. "The smiler with the knife!" she had hissed in a horrible voice. By Alan Bradley Daffy Ironical Called Sarcasm Silk

Why then had I heard nothing? Everyone knows that the killing of a human being requires the exertion of a certain amount of mechanical energy. I forget the exact formula, although I know there is one. By Alan Bradley Heard Energy Formula Killing Human

Brookie was a good boy," she said, "but he did not grow up to be a good man. He had the fatal gift of making people believe him. By Alan Bradley Good Brookie Boy Man Grow

I realized at once that a great actress can never be greater than when she's starring in her own life. By Alan Bradley Life Realized Great Actress Greater

For all practical purposes, Feely's enthusiasms stopped where her skin ended. By Alan Bradley Feely Purposes Ended Practical Enthusiasms

Even in complete silence, Buckshaw had its own unique silence; a silence I would recognize anywhere. By Alan Bradley Buckshaw Silence Complete Unique Recognize

Girl be blowed!" I snapped. "I'm here as a brain, not as a female. By Alan Bradley Girl Blowed Snapped Brain Female

One of the marks of a truly great mind, I had discovered, is the ability to feign stupidity on demand. By Alan Bradley Mind Discovered Demand Marks Great

The storm is directly overhead," Father said. By Alan Bradley Father Overhead Storm Directly

Ordinarily, anyone who made such a remark to my face would go to the top of my short list for strychnine. By Alan Bradley Ordinarily Strychnine Made Remark Face

In the old legends, anyone who willingly took up the Earth upon their shoulders was doomed to carry it forever: a curse, it seemed, with no way out. By Alan Bradley Earth Legends Forever Curse Willingly

And it was signed simply "George. By Alan Bradley George Simply Signed

During a long career in TV broadcasting, I spent a lot of time contributing to other people's creations. By Alan Bradley Broadcasting Creations Long Career Spent

A dead body is much more fascinating than a live one, and I have learned that most corpses tell better stories. By Alan Bradley Stories Dead Body Fascinating Live

Could it be that goodness waxes and wanes like the moon, and that only evil is constant? By Alan Bradley Moon Constant Goodness Waxes Wanes

Liberals have always been the most fervent Imperialists. By Alan Bradley Imperialists Liberals Fervent

The very best people are like that. They don't entangle you like flypaper. By Alan Bradley People Flypaper Entangle

I have learned that under certain circumstances, a fib is not only permissible, but can even be an act of perfect grace. By Alan Bradley Circumstances Permissible Grace Learned Fib

I put a hand gently on her shoulder and held out my handkerchief. She looked at it skeptically. "It's all right," I said. "They're only grass stains. By Alan Bradley Handkerchief Put Hand Gently Shoulder

one's innate desire for escape.' Everyone needs to escape, don't they? In one way or another, I mean. By Alan Bradley Escape Innate Desire

Tea. It was not a perfect way to live one's life, By Alan Bradley Tea Life Perfect Live

I'm very sorry about your mother, Flavia. I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel. At least the man had the sense to admit it. By Alan Bradley Flavia Mother Feel Begin Imagine

Revenge is a dish best eaten cold. The reason for this, of course, is that while you're gleefully anticipating the event, the victim has plenty of time to worry about when, where, and how you're going to strike. By Alan Bradley Revenge Cold Dish Eaten Event

Love is love, wherever you may find it - even when it's covered in feathers. By Alan Bradley Feathers Love Find Covered

Foolishness in a grown man, no matter how lighthearted, is disgusting. By Alan Bradley Foolishness Man Lighthearted Disgusting Grown

Excuse me,' I said. 'I've just remembered something.' It was true. What I'd remembered was this: While I was not in the least afraid of the dead, there were those among the living who gave me the creeping hooly-goolies ... By Alan Bradley Excuse Remembered True Dead Hoolygoolies

Why do people always quote hamlet when they want to seem clever? By Alan Bradley Clever People Quote Hamlet

Was sorrow, in the end, a private thing? A closed container? Something that, like a bucket of water, could be borne only on a single pair of shoulders? By Alan Bradley Sorrow End Thing Private Container

I had learned by personal experience that grumblers are deaf to any voices but their own. By Alan Bradley Learned Personal Experience Grumblers Deaf

Sometimes I hated myself but not for long. By Alan Bradley Long Hated

When you're that age, you sometimes have a great enthusiasm that is very deep and very narrow, and that is something that has always intrigued me that world of the eleven-year-old that is so quickly lost. By Alan Bradley Age Narrow Lost Great Enthusiasm

And this must be our little Flavia!'On paper the man was already dead. By Alan Bradley Flavia Dead Paper Man

I gave her a partial smile and kept the rest of it for myself ... By Alan Bradley Gave Partial Smile Rest

These (all the poor Remains of State) Adorn the Rich, or praise the Great; Who while on Earth in Fame they live, Are senseless of the Fame they give. Thomas By Alan Bradley Fame State Adorn Rich Great

Books make the soul float. By Alan Bradley Books Float Make Soul

She's only been here a year and she's already as rich as Croesus. By Alan Bradley Croesus Year Rich

You never know what you're getting into when you stick your nose in other people's rubbish. By Alan Bradley Rubbish Stick Nose People

How I longed to tell her about Harrietbut somehow I could not. The grief in the room belonged to Porcelain and I realized, almost at once, that it would be selfish to rob her of it in any way. By Alan Bradley Harrietbut Longed Porcelain Realized Grief

Cheese! I exclaimed. It was a secret prayer, whose meaning was known only to God and to me. By Alan Bradley Cheese Exclaimed God Prayer Secret

Unless some sweetness at the bottom lie,Who cares for all the crinkling of the pie? By Alan Bradley Pie Sweetness Bottom Liewho Cares

Silence is sometimes the most costly of commodities. By Alan Bradley Silence Commodities Costly

Perhaps the wind blows anger away. By Alan Bradley Wind Blows Anger

Was peering through the microscope at the tooth of an adder I had captured behind the coach house that very morning after church, when there came a light knock at the laboratory door. By Alan Bradley Church Door Peering Microscope Tooth

Oh, scissors!" I said. By Alan Bradley Scissors

And then, as reason seeped back into my overheated brain, I would realize how much alike we were: that my father angered me the most when he was most like me. By Alan Bradley Brain Reason Seeped Back Overheated

Dogger had once warned me to be wary of any man who introduced himself as 'Mr.' It was an honorific, he said, a mark of respect to be bestowed by others, but never, ever, under any circumstances, upon oneself. By Alan Bradley Dogger Honorific Circumstances Oneself Warned

Either way, the whole thing was a pain in the porpoise. By Alan Bradley Porpoise Thing Pain

I reached out and touched his hands and they stilled at once. I had observed - although I did not often make use of the fact - that there were times when a touch could say things that words could not. By Alan Bradley Reached Touched Hands Stilled Observed

That was just it, wasn't it? That's what we were: dwellers all in time and space. Not old scraps of iron lashed together like a Meccano set by some invisible builder - not on your bloody life! By Alan Bradley Dwellers Space Meccano Builder Life

As was your mother, you have been given the fatal gift of genius. Because of it, your life will not be an easy one - nor must you expect it to be. You must remember always that great gifts come at great cost. By Alan Bradley Mother Genius Fatal Great Cost

Everyone else in the world is sorry. Dare to be something more than that. By Alan Bradley World Dare

Hesternal, I remembered, meant, "pertaining to yesterday." I was nodding over the rest of the phrase By Alan Bradley Hesternal Meant Remembered Pertaining Yesterday

Death by family silver, I thought, before I could turn off that part of my mind. By Alan Bradley Death Silver Thought Mind Family

You can pray in the churchyard," the sergeant said. "The Lord has large ears. By Alan Bradley Churchyard Pray Sergeant Lord Ears

The more I dealt with adults, the less I wanted to be one. By Alan Bradley Adults Dealt Wanted

There wasn't a schoolboy on the planet - or a man, for that matter - who would dare disturb a female locked into a WC. I knew that for a fact. By Alan Bradley Planet Man Matter Schoolboy Dare

Die, witch, I managed, making a cross of my forefingers. By Alan Bradley Die Witch Managed Making Forefingers

Any barrier, I had learnedeven a potential onewas best breached by pretending urgency. By Alan Bradley Barrier Urgency Learnedeven Potential Onewas

Revenge is my specialty. By Alan Bradley Revenge Specialty